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Source: https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/feed/

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<title>Infidelity Support Group is Safe and Anonymous</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/infidelity-support-group-is-safe-and-anonymous/</link>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[admin]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Wed, 03 Mar 2021 06:06:23 +0000</pubDate>
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<description><![CDATA[Infidelity Support Group is 100% Anonymous! Our Infidelity Support Group is completely anonymous. Your privacy and confidentiality is the most important thing to us! You may…]]></description>
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<h2>Infidelity Support Group is 100% Anonymous!</h2>
<h3>Our Infidelity Support Group is completely anonymous.</h3>
Your privacy and confidentiality is the most important thing to us! You may have a cheating wife or a cheating husband. Or you may be the cheater and are looking for help. We understand the difficult situation you are in. We understand how difficult it is to share your situation about infidelity with family and friends. We assure your privacy within our infidelity support group. Rest assured, as a member of <a href="https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/">InfidelitySupportGroup.com</a>, your privacy is our #1 priority!
We have put in place mechanisms within our company to ensure your absolute privacy! Whether you are famous or not, nobody will ever know of your membership. We promise to ensure that you stay anonymous.
<h4>Our infidelity support group is anonymous and created to help people. </h4>
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<title>Infidelity Support Group Sees Surge During Lockdown</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/infidelity-support-group-sees-surge-during-lockdown/</link>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[admin]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Wed, 03 Mar 2021 05:21:15 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Blogs]]></category>
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<description><![CDATA[Thousands reach out to Infidelity Support Group as relationships are strained during COVID-19 lockdown. Our infidelity support group infidelitysupportgroup.com has seen a steady and dramatic…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2 class="p1">Thousands reach out to Infidelity Support Group as relationships are strained during COVID-19 lockdown.</h2>
<h3 class="p1">Our infidelity support group <a href="https://infidelitysupportgroup.com">infidelitysupportgroup.com</a> has seen a steady and dramatic surge in visitors and signups since the start of COVID-19 lockdown.</h3>
The only social networking website dedicated to people dealing with infidelity, <a href="https://infidelitysupportgroup.com">InfidelitySupportGroup.com</a> has seen a fivefold rise in engagement since March, when the country went on lockdown. Most recent visitors to InfidelitySupportGroup.com report that partners with more time on their hands their partners past and present infidelity is now being revealed. They also admit that too much “togetherness” as a reason for the strain in their relationship.
As a result of the lockdown many have found secrets from their spouse that otherwise would hot have been found. They then look for an infidelity support group for help. People have been stuck with their spouse for many months straight, and we have seen that this lockdown has either brought couples together or have sadly pulled them apart.
Individuals who have found that their spouse has cheated have been turning to online Infidelity Support Groups. Infidelitysupportgroup.com is the only social networking community with a professional resource section and articles. InfidelitySupportGroup.com has detailed information showing the best divorce lawyers, collaborative divorce lawyers, mediation lawyers, therapists, private investigators and life coaches. Each professional in these fields is an expert in Infidelity-related issues and is sensitive to clients’ situations.
Visitors connect to these professionals not only through their bios. They connect also through the articles and videos these professionals publish directly to the community. Visitors may also chat with others going through the same experience. infidelitysupportgroup.com is free to join.
InfidelitySupportGroup.com is the only website in the world that offers all of these services for free and that is one of many reasons it has become so popular during these stressful times.
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</item>
<item>
<title>Trauma Bonding: Why People Repeat being Abuse Victims</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/trauma-bonding-why-people-repeat-being-abuse-victims/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/trauma-bonding-why-people-repeat-being-abuse-victims/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 27 Oct 2015 19:14:43 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77909</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… Attachment to others has been shown to be the basic human motivation. When people are victimized at a young…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/iStock_000019023842XSmall11.jpg" alt="How Childhood Trauma Can Ruin Your Current Relationship and How to Heal So It Doesn’t" />
It’s only fair to share…
Attachment to others has been shown to be the basic human motivation. When people are victimized at a young age, their brains actually adapt to their environment and they learn that the way to attach is to be a victim. This is not just a psychological phenomenon; it is also a neurobiological phenomenon. People who have abuse histories may not even feel a desire to be attached to someone who is kind, genuine and safe. That is not the way their brains learned how to attach.
Also, abusive people are not always abusive. Often, the abuser of a child is also loving and affectionate at times. The child learns to take the abuse with the love. This child can grow into an adult who is unconsciously attracted to the person who also vacillates between kindness and cruelty. This is the way an abuser can control his or her victim. The victim continues to take the abuser’s cruelty so that he or she can hopefully experience the love and the tenderness that will come after the wave of abuse.
There are things that can be done to break the pattern and even change the wiring in the brain. I will be talking about ways that people can heal, recover and change their victimization patterns in future writings and videos. One thing I have been immersed in in 2015 is learning and practicing a treatment modality called EMDR that stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a treatment modality that helps people quickly and successfully resolve trauma that has kept people stuck in unhealthy belief, behavior and feeling patterns. This is an approach that helps people change their brain wiring so that they can have a better life and better relationships. People do not have to stay stuck in trauma bonding patterns. They can learn how to bond and attach in healthy ways. This whole month I will be writing about different aspects of trauma and how to break free. Please stay tuned!
It’s only fair to share…<a href="http://toddcreager.com/trauma-bonding-why-people-repeat-being-abuse-victims/">By Todd Creager LCSW, LMFT</a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1445973327862-51fb42cf-d589-6″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
</item>
<item>
<title>How Childhood Trauma Can Ruin Your Current Relationship and How to Heal So It Doesn’t</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/how-childhood-trauma-can-ruin-your-current-relationship-and-how-to-heal-so-it-doesnt/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/how-childhood-trauma-can-ruin-your-current-relationship-and-how-to-heal-so-it-doesnt/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 27 Oct 2015 19:13:48 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77905</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… As a therapist, I deal with couples that are having challenges in their relationship. As a professor at the…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/iStock_000019023842XSmall9.jpg" alt="How Childhood Trauma Can Ruin Your Current Relationship and How to Heal So It Doesn’t" />
It’s only fair to share…
As a therapist, I deal with couples that are having challenges in their relationship. As a professor at the USC School of Social Work, I teach graduate students the relationship between early developmental childhood trauma and the emotional, behavioral and cognitive symptoms that clients present when they come see the student interns for therapy. One of the things I teach my students is that the brain develops in the first few years of life to adapt to the family who raises them. For example, a person who was brought up in a family where the parent was inconsistently present may grow up unable to self-soothe and calm down. This person might create drama in the current relationship even when it is unnecessary because of the drama and turmoil she was used to growing up. Another person may grow up in a family where feelings were ignored and the healthy childhood dependency needs were denied and disavowed. This person grows up distrusting others and handles problems on his own. This may be the client who when asked after going through a challenging life event how he is doing, he says “Fine.”
The interpersonal environments I mentioned above can most definitely be traumatic. These traumas can be stored in the deeper brain and get triggered in real life adult situations. Then there is abuse and neglect where the very parents that supposedly love you are hurting you, neglecting you or not protecting you. This can lead to more severe trauma and make healthy current relationships even more difficult.
The person who grew up with the inconsistent parent will “unconsciously predict” that the partner will be inconsistent as well. The person who grew up where his dependency needs were ignored will as an adult see the partner as one who will never be there for him. The one who grew up in an abusive or neglectful situation will have an even more difficult time trusting and not sabotaging even a potentially good relationship. In the neurobiological field, these are examples of what we call “internal working models,” the way people were dealt with as a child becomes the template for the way they view their significant other(s) as adults.
The good news is that one’s internal working model can change. Modern technology has shown that effective therapy does not only change the psyche, but it can change the way different parts of the brain are wired to each other. A caring, supportive in-tuned therapist can help the client heal and shift the way he or she views himself, others and the world. The brain has plasticity meaning that it can be rewired and even though the past environment helps create the original wiring, nurturing therapeutic and relationships can heal much of went awry in the past.
In addition to good therapy, it has been shown that meditation and yoga can also shift the wiring in her brain as well as how we view ourselves, others and the world. As people start to make good lifestyle choices and take care of themselves, that can be of great help in making positive changes. As we improve and stabilize our healthy interpersonal patterns (for example the person who cannot calm down learns to soothe himself; the person who could never let others be there for her, allows herself a healthy dose of dependency on trustworthy others), this can also begin helping people break free of the effects of early trauma.
Lastly, the specific treatment approach of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing has demonstrated particular benefits in helping trauma victims relatively quickly break the chains of the trauma. The people are now free to live happier, healthier lives with nurturing significant others around them. It is part of the joy of the work I do; seeing people break free from the past and increase their capacity to give and receive love.
It’s only fair to share…<a href="http://toddcreager.com/how-childhood-trauma-can-ruin-your-current-relationship-and-how-to-heal-so-it-doesnt/">By Todd Creager LCSW, LMFT</a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1445973272931-eaba0374-dddf-10″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
]]></content:encoded>
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<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
</item>
<item>
<title>Verbal Abuse Can Be Subtle and Traumatic</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/verbal-abuse-can-be-subtle-and-traumatic/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/verbal-abuse-can-be-subtle-and-traumatic/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 27 Oct 2015 19:12:48 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77901</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… This article will be written as if the males are the abusers and the females are the victims, which…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/photodune-3191082-couple-quarreling-xs55.jpg" alt="Toxic Relationship: Couple Quarreling" />
It’s only fair to share…
This article will be written as if the males are the abusers and the females are the victims, which is true according to research the majority of the time. However, if you are a male that is the victim or a female who is the perpetrator, please just swap the pronouns in your head.
It is easy to understand that sexual and physical abuse can be traumatic. It is also easy to understand that severe verbal abuse (i.e.-yelling, name calling) can be traumatic. However, there are more subtle types of verbal abuse that can be equally traumatic. The abuser could be doing verbal abuse consciously or unconsciously.
The underlying purpose of the abuse is often to make sure the abuser gets his way, stays in control, avoids being the vulnerable one or can believe he is “right.” The victim of the abuse is often the more pliable of the two, trying to adapt and adjust to the relationship situation to make it work. Here are some of the statements I have heard from victims of subtle verbal abuse:
<ul>
<li>“I don’t know, maybe he is right; maybe it is me.”</li>
<li>“I always feel like I am walking on eggshells around him.”</li>
<li>“I always feel like I am the crazy one.”</li>
</ul>
One particular couple I was seeing was comprised of a very emotional female and a very repressed, yet successful male. She would express some very legitimate feelings about some real issues in the relationship (this was during the session). He deflected her important statements and said some complaints about her that also were true. She got more agitated because he was not listening and then he said that this emotionality is what makes him think of divorce. At that point, he looked at me and said- “You see the crazy person I live with?” And I responded- “Yes and I see the ‘crazymaking person’ she lives with.” If you could imagine, that was an interesting session that continued with the hope that this subtle verbal abuse (it was subtle until he called her crazy) would be recognized by him as provocative and unacceptable.
The verbal abuser has a hard time owning his own stuff. The victim often takes too much responsibility for the relationship problems. If you recognize yourself as a victim or a perpetrator of subtle verbal abuse, do yourself a great favor and get some professional help. Subtle verbal abuse can deprive both partners of a healthy and robust marriage. It saps the emotional and physical health of each person, especially the victim. It can trigger old wounds and deprives those involved of a healthy self-esteem. Low self-esteem can affect how people are in their other relationships and it can lower the chance of career and financial success. Please address this problem. There is reason to hope!
It’s only fair to share…<a href="http://toddcreager.com/verbal-abuse-can-be-subtle-and-traumatic/">By Todd Creager LCSW, LMFT</a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1445973214037-7861224d-3852-1″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
]]></content:encoded>
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<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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<item>
<title>5 Steps to Recover from the Emotional Trauma of Abuse</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/5-steps-to-recover-from-the-emotional-trauma-of-abuse/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/5-steps-to-recover-from-the-emotional-trauma-of-abuse/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 27 Oct 2015 19:11:42 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77897</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… Whether it is physical, sexual or verbal abuse, victims have emotional wounds. If these wounds make it difficult to…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/family5.png" alt="family" />
It’s only fair to share…
Whether it is physical, sexual or verbal abuse, victims have emotional wounds. If these wounds make it difficult to move on or you repeat the same victimization over and over again, or you avoid future relationships because of the past, you may have PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. The four signs of PTSD as described in the DSM5, the newest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual are:
<ol>
<li>Negative Alterations of Cognition and Mood i.e.- feeling that you are bad or a terrible person, feeling that everyone is dangerous, being depressed or anxious, etc.)</li>
<li>Hyperarousal- feeling agitated, startling easy, hypervigilance</li>
<li>Avoidance- isolating yourself, avoiding intimate relationships</li>
<li>Re-experiencing (flashbacks, nightmares)</li>
</ol>
The good news is that people can recover from emotional trauma that comes from abuse whether they have PTSD or just struggling with past abuse. Here are 5 steps to help you recover if you have experienced this trauma.
<ol>
<li>Get support from people you can trust. You need acknowledgement and a sense that you are not alone. The support can come from friends, family, support groups, domestic violence shelters or psychotherapists such as myself. The more support, the better.</li>
<li>Unless the abuser gets into treatment with a willingness to “own” his abusive behavior and make changes, get out of the relationship or at least leave it for now. You cannot recover from the emotional trauma of abuse if you are still getting abused. Use your support system, to help you leave or demand that your partner gets help with or without you.</li>
<li>Definitely find a good therapist that will help you feel safe and accepted and then that will ultimately help you tell your story and face the trauma.</li>
<li>Make sure the therapist is doing an effective treatment for overcoming trauma such as EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).</li>
<li>Get engaged in health promoting behaviors and a lifestyle that will help you become more comfortable in your own body. Meditation and yoga are particularly wonderful to help you slow down your thinking, feel your body and get to know yourself in new and wonderful ways. Artistic endeavors such as painting, drawing, singing and playing an instrument all help you integrate the trauma into your healthy self so that it does not define you anymore.</li>
</ol>
Abuse can destroy a person’s sense of safety and self esteem. The good news is that by following these 5 steps, there is a way out of the trauma. You deserve to be free to live fully and not be frozen in time due to somebody else’s abusive or neglectful behavior towards you. You deserve to get past your past and enjoy healthier more nurturing relationships whether it is with the person you are with who has decided to grow up and become a better person or with somebody else.
It’s only fair to share…<a href="http://toddcreager.com/5-steps-to-recover-from-the-emotional-trauma-of-abuse/">By Todd Creager LCSW, LMFT</a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1445973154128-3df3f416-58cf-7″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
]]></content:encoded>
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<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
</item>
<item>
<title>3 Ways Caring Relationships Can Help a Trauma Survivor</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/3-ways-caring-relationships-can-help-a-trauma-survivor/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/3-ways-caring-relationships-can-help-a-trauma-survivor/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 27 Oct 2015 19:10:48 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77893</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… Newborns and young babies depend on their caretakers to regulate their emotions until their brain is sufficiently developed to…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/5-Healthy-Relationship-Dynamics-That-You-May-Think-are-Toxic5.jpg" alt="Five Rules of Fidelity" />
It’s only fair to share…
Newborns and young babies depend on their caretakers to regulate their emotions until their brain is sufficiently developed to be able to regulate more on their own. When a person goes through a trauma, there is cortisol shooting through the person’s system and is it difficult to regulate feelings and like the newborn can benefit greatly from supportive caring interpersonal relationships. One of the most accepted and researched psychological theories is attachment theory which basically states that the primary motivation for a person the moment he or she is born to attach other people. Attachment theory also states that as a person develops what is called a secure attachment, he or she is better able to attach to others later in life and just as importantly be able to soothe and regulate his or her emotional self. Given that there is such a close relationship between connecting in healthy ways to others and being in emotional balance, here are 3 ways caring relationships can help a trauma survivor.
<ol>
<li>People who have a caring network of family and friends can often regain their sense of orientation and emotional control without developing symptoms of PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. These people often recover and can return to pre-trauma functioning more quickly.</li>
<li>People who don’t have a caring support system can hopefully find a good therapist who understands trauma and can help that person process it. This person may have developed insecure attachments when younger but still has the opportunity with an effective therapist to experience a secure relationship with the therapist which can generalize to others in the future thereby giving this person a new chance to have future nurturing relationships. This describes a concept called post-traumatic growth whereby the person ends up in better shape post trauma than even pre-trauma.</li>
<li>Interpersonal neurobiology is a new and rich field that describes the relationship between how we connect with others and how our neurons connect in our brain. Caring relationships after a trauma can actually help a person rewire his brain (this is called plasticity, the ability of the brain to adapt to their environment in positive or negative ways). Whereas we know that some medications can help a person alleviate depression or anxiety after a trauma, we now know that positive relationships can have similar effects on the brain.</li>
</ol>
For some people when they go through a trauma, they actually feel out of control and try to go through it alone because it is difficult, embarrassing or anxiety provoking to be seen in that condition. Now the research is showing that the best way to recover from trauma is in community and not going solo. We need to be there for each other when going through trauma or crisis and as it turns out- love still is the best medicine!
It’s only fair to share…<a href="http://toddcreager.com/3-ways-caring-relationships-can-help-a-trauma-survivor/">By Todd Creager LCSW, LMFT</a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1445973099380-6bbe93fa-8786-10″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>The Difference Between Hearing and Listening</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/the-difference-between-hearing-and-listening/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/the-difference-between-hearing-and-listening/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 27 Oct 2015 19:09:59 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77889</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Author Ali Soleymaniha is an expert in conflict management. Over the course of a decade, he’s watched people completely miss out on a key component…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Author Ali Soleymaniha is an expert in conflict management. Over the course of a decade, he’s watched people completely miss out on a key component of strong communication and more fulfilling relationships: Effective listening.
Most people think they have a handle on it. They think they know the difference between what they thought they heard their partners say, and effectively listening to them.
Soleymaniha’s book, “Embrace Happiness: The Art of Conflict Management,” makes clear that to communicate well, couples must pay attention to the three distinctive parts of sharing and understanding each other:
<ul>
<li>vocal information</li>
<li>visual information</li>
<li>tactile information</li>
</ul>
Vocal information is discussed as part of listening, and the following two categories as part of observation.
Listening and hearing are very different. Hearing is a bodily function of the ears and the receipt of sound waves; whereas, listening only occurs when those sound waves become meaningful in the brain. When comprehension, reasoning and thoughtful consideration happens. Listening is deliberate.
As the author puts it, “the more you understand, the more effective the listening process has been.”
Soleymaniha points out that for listening to be most effective, concentration and complete attention to all the words said is crucial.
We should think about the words, and comprehend the real meaning behind them. Context should be considered, and detail analysis given. Furthermore, a good amount of effort should be put into hearing every word. The word selection itself has meaning.
He makes the point that listening is not wrapped up in your own thoughts about whether the speaker is “annoying, long-winded, and loquacious.” Capturing every word is the way to communicate effectively. To master effective listening, consciously reduce the noises and distractions that would compromise the accuracy of what is said.
The whole listening process is more complicated than it seems.
It’s necessary to be as diligent as possible, eliminate error, and reduce misunderstanding, if listening well is the goal.
Read the full article here: <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20150721222546/http://www.hitchedmag.com/article.php?id=2175" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Difference Between Hearing and Listening</a>
Free Ebook: “How To Go From Soulmates to Roommates in 10 Easy Steps”
<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/soultoroommates200w7.jpg" alt="" />
<ul>
<li>Written by Caroline Madden</li>
<li>Learn how to affair-proof your marriage</li>
<li>Develop a soul mate connection with your spouse</li>
</ul>
<a href="http://counselingwithcaroline.com/the-difference-between-hearing-and-listening/">By Caroline Madden</a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1445973045539-25c1d1a1-fbb0-5″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Timing is Everything When it Comes to Marriage Counseling</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/timing-is-everything-when-it-comes-to-marriage-counseling/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/timing-is-everything-when-it-comes-to-marriage-counseling/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 27 Oct 2015 19:09:01 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77885</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Marriage counseling isn’t magic. It’s hard work. It’s about a couple’s motivation and timing. Only time with a counselor will tell whether a couple has…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Marriage counseling isn’t magic. It’s hard work. It’s about a couple’s motivation and timing. Only time with a counselor will tell whether a couple has waited too long.
Timing is a vital component in whether marriage counseling works. “Last resort” sessions don’t do much good.
Dr. John Gottman, relationship and marriage expert, notes that most struggling couples wait an average of six unhappy years before seeking help!
Michele Weiner Davis, author of The Divorce Remedy shared that by avoiding conflict all that time, a couple just sees negative thoughts and feelings fester with no opportunity to affect change. Partners don give each other that chance.
In his best-selling book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. Gottman describes some people as “marital masters.” Those types of couples are great at managing differences. They do things like intentionally spend time together in relaxed places to foster non-combative conversation. They commit to open-ended dialogue and avoid the “blame game.”
All told, the goal is to refrain from taking love for granted and fix problems as early as possible, to “turn toward” your partner, and resist the urge to push him/her away.
Marriage counseling can be beneficial in the following circumstances:
<ul>
<li>When “toxic relationship patterns” are clear to both partners and change is wanted.</li>
<li>When a couple is motivated to view their problems from different angles, and learn new therapy tools, troubleshoot and solve conflicts.</li>
<li>When partners decide to rebuild broken trust and communication, contributing to the poor quality of their interactions.</li>
<li>When the couples counselor provides supportive “neutral territory” where couples agree to tackle tough issues.</li>
<li>When couples need to decide whether to rebuild their marriage, or clarify the decision to separate.</li>
</ul>
Dr. John Gottman advises couples to remember: [Partners] “who know each other intimately [and] are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams” are couples who make it.
Read the full article here: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terry-gaspard-msw-licsw/timing-is-everything-when_b_7798314.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Timing Is Everything When It Comes To Marriage Counseling</a>
Free Ebook: “How To Go From Soulmates to Roommates in 10 Easy Steps”
<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/soultoroommates200w5.jpg" alt="" />
<ul>
<li>Written by Caroline Madden</li>
<li>Learn how to affair-proof your marriage</li>
<li>Develop a soul mate connection with your spouse</li>
</ul>
<a href="http://counselingwithcaroline.com/timing-is-everything-when-it-comes-to-marriage-counseling/">By Caroline Madden</a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1445972990069-3168d5d5-6c93-1″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>How Cheating Cheats the Cheater</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/how-cheating-cheats-the-cheater/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/how-cheating-cheats-the-cheater/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 02 Oct 2015 23:34:43 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77665</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… When infidelity happens, we think if it as the person who had the affair cheated ON his or her…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/How-Cheating-Cheats-the-Cheater1.png" alt="How Cheating Cheats the Cheater" />
It’s only fair to share…
When infidelity happens, we think if it as the person who had the affair cheated ON his or her partner. And of course that is true!
However, I can show you how the cheater cheats him or herself. 
But firstly, ask yourself if you know someone who cheated who did not make his or her life worse on some level. Or maybe you might have cheated in the past- did you lose out on that choice you made. I would strongly bet that you or whoever it is DID LOSE OUT.
Here are 5 ways that cheaters cheat themselves:
<ol>
<li>You suffer from the stress and guilt of keeping a secret. You are thereby cheating yourself out of a more peaceful existence.</li>
<li>You cannot fully enjoy either the relationship with the person you are cheating on or the relationship with the person you are cheating with. Both are not real relationships based on full trust and a full celebration of the union between 2 people. So you are depriving yourself of that full celebration.</li>
<li>f you have children, something changes for you. You do not enjoy the kids as much because you know that you are not only betraying your partner but on some real level, you are betraying them. You are cheating yourself out of the joys of parenting.</li>
<li>You do not feel good about yourself. You are cheating yourself out of higher self-esteem.</li>
<li>You cannot truly do the more fulfilling work of developing the kind of connection with your “committed partner” because your energies are now split. You cheat yourself out of the best chance for a phenomenal committed long-term relationship.</li>
</ol>
 There you have it. Everyone loses with infidelity. 
If you want a better way to solve your relationship problems, please contact me and I will give you the best chance to have a fulfilling, satisfying intimate relationship.
I’ve just released my newest resource to help couples heal from infidelity – 10 Steps to Healing From Infidelity, get a copy and find out the 10 steps that will help you or a loved one start healing from infidelity today.
<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/3D-Cover_ToddCraeger_Infidelity-176x300.png" alt="10 Steps To Heal From Infidelity" />
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">CLICK HERE</a> to get your FREE copy today!
It’s only fair to share…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1443828870883-83abce7e-7ee1-10″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Ashley Madison and Your Marriage</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/ashley-madison-and-your-marriage/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/ashley-madison-and-your-marriage/#respond</comments>
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<pubDate>Fri, 02 Oct 2015 23:32:34 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77670</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… “Life is short. Have an affair.” This is the motto of the Ashley Madison site; a site where married…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Ashley-Madison-and-Your-Marriage1.png" alt="Ashley Madison and Your Marriage" />
It’s only fair to share…
“Life is short. Have an affair.”
This is the motto of the Ashley Madison site; a site where married partners can supposedly meet other married people discreetly and have an affair. 
Of course, as we have learned in the news, due to hacking as well as pure technology, there is less discreteness than some of the consumers of the site have hoped for. I have had more than one female client of mine in recent weeks let me know that they found their partner’s information on the site. But that is besides the point of this article. In this article, I want to express why Ashley Madison is so successful and yet another obstacle in my personal bold attack on the limiting idea that long term marriage and passionate sex do not go together. It is my privilege and my intense desire to spread the word that we can be trailblazers and realize that my first book, The Long HOT Marriage is NOT a fairy tale; rather it is a testament to the amazing creativity inherent in most all of us to have the kind of alive and stimulating long term relationship that we never saw our parents have.
We live longer than ever; we have a longer mid-life than ever. It is a midlife where we feel the need for passion and stimulation well into our later years. When relationships get stale (and typically our role models have taught us exactly how to make relationships become stale), there are many ways for people to get titillation the easy way- secretively using the Internet to meet other people who are new and more stimulating than our current partner. Ashley Madison, especially recently, has become the most visible vehicle for partners to do this. Let’s face it- we want to be aroused. With a click on the computer, not only can we see porn, but also we can meet others who are just as interested in being aroused as we are. As a matter of fact, we so much want to be titillated that many if not most people that use Ashley Madison, don’t ever meet anybody. It is just the idea of beginning the search process that can be so exciting for some, that they spend a lot of time doing just that. In my research for this article, I read that there are allegations and apparently proof that most of the females do not even exist; they apparently are fake names. (You can Google and read up on this). The actual act of searching and emailing can be very titillating.
The well-known story about the former Notre Dame football player, Manti Te’o, who now plays for the San Diego Chargers, illustrates the power of the Internet to pull people in even if there is not a real person. Manti developed an online relationship with this woman who he claims he fell in love with and it turns out that there was no such woman. It was a fake prank that went on for a long period of time.
Of course, there also are actual meetings taking place between people through Ashley Madison. As with all other types of infidelity, the long-term results of this are always poor. Cheaters get found out and marriages and families suffer greatly. Ashley Madison is in my way! If there were fewer exits, maybe intimate partners would be forced to actually become intimate. Avoidance is the biggest interpersonal human problem we have. If there were no exits; no way for people to easily get titillated in secrecy, maybe sexually and emotionally frustrated partners would start a real and challenging conversation with their partners. Maybe they would get some quality professional help to assist the couple to break out of stuck patterns and help launch the couple to new heights of aliveness and passion. I see couples shifting in this positive way all the time. Ashley Madison gives people an exit, a way out so that they do not have to do the harder, but ultimately more satisfying work of making their current relationship more exciting.
I urge you to get very intentional about developing a creative monogamous relationship with your spouse. Be bold and do not set artificial limits on your relationship that are based on your current limited thinking that you probably inherited from others. You don’t need Ashley Madison to do the work for you to get stimulated and to feel young again. Take charge of your own relationship and ask more of yourself and your partner! The capacity for loving, passionate intimacy is far greater than what we have been showed by our ancestors.
Be a trailblazer.
Shut off your computer and look at the person who you sleep with and begin communicating. I think I am going to do the same thing right now!
I’ve just released my newest resource to help couples heal from infidelity – 10 Steps to Healing From Infidelity, get a copy and find out the 10 steps that will help you or a loved one start healing from infidelity today.
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/3D-Cover_ToddCraeger_Infidelity-176x3001.png" alt="10 Steps To Heal From Infidelity" /></a>
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">CLICK HERE</a> to get your FREE copy today!
____________________________________________________________________________________
Todd Creager is an experienced relationship therapist, specializing in marriage, sex and couples counseling. From increasing intimacy, to overcoming infidelity, Todd has helped countless couples overcome the issues that they face. Author of the <a href="http://toddcreager.com/store/the-long-hot-marriage-book/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Long Hot Marriage</a>, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Love-Sex-Karaoke-Ways-Ignite-ebook/dp/B00U01I5N8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1425428204&sr=1-1&keywords=love+sex+karaoke+in+books" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Love, Sex and Karaoke: 52 Ways to Ignite your Love Life</a>, Todd spends much of his time helping long-term partners create passionate and thriving relationships. He provides unique and powerful insights that lead to breakthroughs which result in his clients getting closer to each other and getting the love they want.
Get a free copy of his <a href="http://toddcreager.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">7 Keys to a Phenomenal Relationship</a> and start turning up the heat in your relationship today.
It’s only fair to share…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1443828738026-fe981a0c-d15c-7″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Five Rules of Fidelity</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/five-rules-of-fidelity/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/five-rules-of-fidelity/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 02 Oct 2015 23:31:40 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77675</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… I talk a lot about how to heal from infidelity and I have helped a lot of couples thrive…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/5-Healthy-Relationship-Dynamics-That-You-May-Think-are-Toxic1.jpg" alt="Five Rules of Fidelity" />
It’s only fair to share…
I talk a lot about how to heal from infidelity and I have helped a lot of couples thrive after this interpersonal crisis. Having said that, being faithful to your spouse or committed partner has many advantages. These advantages include
<ol>
<li>No guilt or anxiety about secrets</li>
<li>It is easier to feel closer to your mate</li>
<li>You can focus on creating a phenomenal intimate life with your partner as you “grow up” together with no exits such as extramarital relationships.</li>
</ol>
So here are the 5 Rules of Fidelity and if you follow these rules, you will have the best chance at having a happy long-term faithful committed relationship.
<ol>
<li>Spend 10 quality minutes (at the minimum of course) with your partner where you both focus on each other’s feelings, emotions and desires. Being physically affectionate with each other during these 10 minutes works as well! Do this daily!!!</li>
<li>Be willing to talk about the tough stuff with each other. Reveal things that are difficult to share even if you are concerned about his or her reaction.. This action cuts down significantly on the chance of acting out some of these more (shadowy) sides of your personality.</li>
<li>If you need or want to talk to someone from the opposite sex, let your partner know and make sure your spouse gets a chance to meet this person if possible. If this other person, (whether it is an old friend, colleague, etc.) is unwilling to meet your spouse, then you need to be unwilling to meet your old friend or colleague alone. That is a red flag sign that the other person does not respect your committed relationship.</li>
<li>If you need to go out of town for a while, contact your intimate partner frequently and while you are away, be wary of drinking too much or using any drugs that can interfere with your judgment.</li>
<li>Think about the long-term effects of giving in to temptation. I actually mean- take some time to think about the benefits of being faithful and the pain of being unfaithful even if it means saying no to some temporary pleasure. Thinking about it beforehand can actually help us have good judgment even when faced with temptation.</li>
</ol>
Following these 5 rules of fidelity is really about creating an optimal, amazing, alive, passionate relationship. Be focused on that goal and do not let other people or even your more shadowy sides of yourself interfere with what you truly want for the long term.
I’ve just released my newest resource to help couples heal from infidelity – 10 Steps to Healing From Infidelity, get a copy and find out the 10 steps that will help you or a loved one start healing from infidelity today.
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/3D-Cover_ToddCraeger_Infidelity-176x3002.png" alt="10 Steps To Heal From Infidelity" /></a>
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">CLICK HERE</a> to get your FREE copy today!
It’s only fair to share…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1443828666997-a646d601-3f13-1″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Why Women Cheat</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/why-women-cheat/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/why-women-cheat/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 29 Sep 2015 21:27:09 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77680</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share… I’ve been helping couples survive and thrive after infidelity for 30+ years in my practice. Over the years I have…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share…
I’ve been helping couples survive and thrive after infidelity for 30+ years in my practice.
Over the years I have noticed that there is a difference between why women cheat and why men cheat. Watch the video below where I explain the three reasons why women cheat.
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9NqAkWQxWig" width="420" height="315" frameborder="0"></iframe>
I have one piece of advice for women: don’t be afraid to communicate with your partner and tell him what you need. Looking for more resources on infidelity? Check out my <a href="http://toddcreager.com/surviveinfidelity/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">infidelity resource</a> page here on my website.
I have a 90% success rate helping couples survive and even thrive after their relationship has suffered from one or both partners cheating.
Here’s to getting the love you want!
I’ve just released my newest resource to help couples heal from infidelity – 10 Steps to Healing From Infidelity, get a copy and find out the 10 steps that will help you or a loved one start healing from infidelity today.
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/3D-Cover_ToddCraeger_Infidelity-176x3004.png" alt="10 Steps To Heal From Infidelity" /></a>
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">CLICK HERE</a> to get your FREE copy today!
It’s only fair to share…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1443562003706-b245d5e8-a35b-5″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Facebook and Infidelity</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/facebook-and-infidelity/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/facebook-and-infidelity/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Tue, 29 Sep 2015 21:25:15 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77684</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… I have come across several studies that say about 1 in 5 people flirt using Facebook. My practice is…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/photodune-3191082-couple-quarreling-xs51.jpg" alt="Toxic Relationship: Couple Quarreling" />
It’s only fair to share…
I have come across several studies that say about 1 in 5 people flirt using Facebook. My practice is filled with couples that called me due to infidelity that started with social media. I love social media myself. It is good for my business and it is fun for personal reasons. But it can be dangerous. It can be dangerous because:
<ol>
<li>It is so easily accessible.</li>
<li>There are people from our past that we can easily find since so many people are on Facebook.</li>
<li>Intimate relationships inevitable go through rough spots and it is so easy to soothe our pains via contacts on social media.</li>
<li>Private messaging is a great an easy way to be up close and personal.</li>
</ol>
Put all this together and Facebook as well as other social media can be a real threat to relationships. Private messaging to and ex-girlfriend or “close” personal friend from the opposite sex in order to get emotional support or some titillation instantly gives you a secret to keep from your spouse and puts some distance between you and your partner. And that is whether the “outside the marriage” relationship gets into the physical realm or not. As I have said so many times before, secrets are silent killers of relationships and social media can be the start of hiding and secrets.
I have a male client who was playing “Words with Friends “ and the female stranger he was playing with started playing with only sexual words. He engaged back and- poof- he had a secret. His wife saw that and it caused major distrust. And he was caught at that point before things could go any further. So, yes, even Words with Friends can be dangerous to relationships- depending on your boundaries.
My advice on this is to do the work of improving your relationship with your real (not virtual) intimate partner. Don’t take the easy way out. And enjoy the online world, but be careful. There are a lot of bored or dissatisfied people out there that can pull certain people into their web. Be strong, be attentive and be transparent with your intimate partner!
<h2>Need more help?</h2>
<ol>
<li>Check out my resource page on infidelity here: <a href="http://toddcreager.com/surviveinfidelity/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">http://toddcreager.com/surviveinfidelity/</a></li>
<li>Here’s another resource I’ve created to help couples heal from infidelity – 10 Steps to Healing From Infidelity, get a copy and find out the 10 steps that will help you or a loved one start healing from infidelity today.</li>
</ol>
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/3D-Cover_ToddCraeger_Infidelity-176x3005.png" alt="10 Steps To Heal From Infidelity" /></a>
<a href="http://toddcreager.com/infidelity-freebie/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">CLICK HERE</a> to get your FREE copy today!
It’s only fair to share…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1443561892271-b8433984-d48c-9″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>How To Have Better Communication in Your Marriage</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/how-to-have-better-communication-in-your-marriage/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/how-to-have-better-communication-in-your-marriage/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 04 Sep 2015 00:21:58 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77552</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]As a therapist I have noticed a trend. Couples who struggle the most do not communicate. Learning to communicate takes practice. Don’t feel bad if…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]As a therapist I have noticed a trend. Couples who struggle the most do not communicate. Learning to communicate takes practice. Don’t feel bad if you struggle with this. Do something about it! Your marriage will be better than it has ever been.
Someone told me recently about a suggestion they got right before their wedding. A loved one wrote down a few questions and suggested the new husband and wife answer these questions every week for each other. I thought it was such a wonderful idea I had to pass it along. Here are their questions as well as a few of my own.
<ol>
<li>What made you feel most loved by me this week?</li>
<li>What can I do better?</li>
<li>What was the highlight of your week?</li>
<li>How are you feeling about our love/sex/intimacy?</li>
<li>What are you most worried about right now?</li>
<li>What do you need most this week?</li>
</ol>
Just think how answering these simple questions can tell you so much about your spouse and your marriage. The other part of communication is listening. When your spouse is talking, try to follow these suggestions.
<ul>
<li>Don’t interrupt your spouse while they are answering the question.</li>
<li>Don’t be judgmental about their answer.</li>
<li>Don’t be critical or try to defend yourself. Just listen and be supportive.</li>
</ul>
I’d like to leave you with some personal questions to ask yourself. These are for you to ponder on your own and are a great gauge to how well you personally communicate.
<ul>
<li>Did any of the questions above make you uncomfortable?</li>
<li>Would you feel awkward discussing these with your spouse?</li>
<li>Do you feel the urge to withhold your answers to any of these questions from your spouse?</li>
<li>Would your spouse’s honest answer to any of these questions make you angry?</li>
<li>If you answered yes to any of these questions, then think about why.</li>
</ul>
Yes answers to these personal questions are barriers to healthy communication with your spouse. These are the areas you can work on for yourself. The more you know about your spouse, the more comfortable you get with each other. Be consistent and do this once a week. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
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<title>Broken Together: The Truth About Marriage</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/broken-together-the-truth-about-marriage/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/broken-together-the-truth-about-marriage/#respond</comments>
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<pubDate>Fri, 04 Sep 2015 00:21:09 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77554</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]I am simply in love with this song called Broken Together by Casting Crowns. In case you haven’t heard it, I’ve included the lyrics below.…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]I am simply in love with this song called Broken Together by <a href="https://www.castingcrowns.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Casting Crowns</a>. In case you haven’t heard it, I’ve included the lyrics below. Before you read it though, let me tell you why I love it so much. I love it because it tells the <a href="https://www.sidereals.com" target="_blank" style="color:#000;" rel="dofollow noopener">truth</a> about marriage.
The truth is that marriage rarely turns out to be exactly what you expected. How well do you really know someone until you’ve been married to them for years? Falling in love is great. Getting married is wonderful. Staying married is hard work.
The truth is we are all broken in some way. If you expect your spouse to be the perfect mate you will be disappointed. If you expect your spouse to do things around the house just like mom or dad, you may not get what you expect. If you think being married will solve all of your emotional problems, wrong again.
My point here is that in order to have a happy marriage, you have to learn to be broken together. Everyone has baggage, some heavier than others. Life will bring many ups and downs. How a couple handles the trials of life is vital to the marriage lasting. Trials will come. None of us gets to escape them. Illness, miscarriage, infertility, addiction, mental illness, codependency, history of abuse, distorted views of sex, death of a loved one, job loss, car accidents, discrimination, natural disasters…I could go on forever. I know this sounds depressing, but I want to encourage you to be realistic. Live in the here and now. Ask yourself, am I willing to do whatever it takes to make my marriage last? (Obviously there are exceptions to this, such as being abused by a spouse. Nobody should ever have to tolerate abuse. That topic is for another blog post in the near future.)
How has marriage been different from what you expected? How have you overcome the big challenges in life together as a couple? What changes do YOU need to make for you relationship to last?
Lyrics to Broken Together (Writer: Bernie Herms)
What do you think about when you look at me 
 I know we’re not the fairytale you dreamed we’d be 
 You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand 
 And we dove into a mystery
How I wish we could go back to simpler times 
 Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light 
 Now on this hallowed ground, we’ve drawn the battle lines 
 Will we make it through the night
It’s going to take much more than promises this time 
 Only God can change our minds
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete 
 Could we just be broken together 
 If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine 
 Could healing still be spoken and save us 
 The only way we’ll last forever is broken together
How it must have been so lonely by my side 
 We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind 
 I’m praying God will help our broken hearts align 
 And we won’t give up the fight
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZAAvPDgKf30?version=3&rel=1&fs=1&showsearch=0&showinfo=1&iv_load_policy=1&wmode=transparent" width="700" height="424" frameborder="0"></iframe>
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<title>New Couples Workshop: The Seven Principles for Making a Marriage Work</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/new-couples-workshop-the-seven-principles-for-making-a-marriage-work/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/new-couples-workshop-the-seven-principles-for-making-a-marriage-work/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 04 Sep 2015 00:20:20 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77556</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]I am pleased to announce that this valuable workshop experience will be held on January 17, 2015, 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at a private…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]I am pleased to announce that this valuable <a href="http://www.angelaridingscounseling.com/couples-workshop.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">workshop experience</a> will be held on January 17, 2015, 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at a private venue in Edmond, OK. The cost for this workshop is $300 per couple. Your registration includes the book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work-ebook/dp/B000FC1KCU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415392812&sr=1-1&keywords=seven+principles+for+making+marriage+work" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work</a>, 2 companion workbooks, and light snacks throughout the day. Lunch will be on your own as a couple. Space is limited. Contact Angie at angie.ridings@gmail.com for details or to sign up.
The Seven Principles Program for couples is a <a href="http://www.angelaridingscounseling.com/couples-workshop.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">workshop </a>based on the internationally acclaimed research of Dr. John Gottman as presented in his New York Times Bestselling book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Is this workshop for us?
Couples that would benefit from this workshop:
<ul>
<li>Pre-Engaged</li>
<li>Pre-Marital</li>
<li>Everyone from newlyweds to seniors</li>
<li>Those who wish to enhance a good marriage</li>
<li>Those needing better conflict management tools</li>
</ul>
Couples that this workshop is not suited for:
<ul>
<li>Severe relationship distress</li>
<li>Emotional abuse</li>
<li>Domestic abuse</li>
<li>Active addictions</li>
<li>Serious mental health problems in one or both partners</li>
</ul>
What will we learn in this workshop?
What the workshop is about:
<ul>
<li>Seven Principles Program description</li>
<li>The research foundation of the program</li>
<li>Proven tools to help couples</li>
<li>Improve friendship, fondness and admiration</li>
<li>Enhance romance and intimacy</li>
<li>Manage conflict constructively</li>
<li>Gain skills to address perpetual and solvable problems</li>
<li>Create shared meaning</li>
<li>Maintain gains throughout a lifetime</li>
<li>Format includes lectures and private couple exercises</li>
</ul>
What the workshop is not:
<ul>
<li>It is not therapy</li>
<li>It is not an open sharing of personal problems. All exercises and discussions will occur privately between you and your significant other.</li>
</ul>
Your trainers for the workshop are Angie Ridings, M.Ed., LPC, LADC, CSAT, CMAT and Cindy Barnhill, M.S., APRN, CNS. Both Angie and Cindy are approved 7 Principles Educators by the <a href="http://www.gottman.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Gottman Institute</a>.
<figure><a href="https://angelaridingscounseling.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/7principles.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="https://angelaridingscounseling.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/7principles.jpg?w=188&h=300" alt="The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" /></a><figcaption>The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work</figcaption></figure>
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<title>Living in Reverse Series: Conflict Resolution & Fighting Fair</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/living-in-reverse-series-conflict-resolution-fighting-fair/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/living-in-reverse-series-conflict-resolution-fighting-fair/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 04 Sep 2015 00:19:09 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77560</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Do you know how to fight fair? Many therapists will tell you that you need to resolve conflict without fighting. I, on the other hand,…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Do you know how to fight fair? Many therapists will tell you that you need to resolve conflict without fighting. I, on the other hand, believe strongly in the researched methods of Dr. John Gottman. According to Gottman, the problem is not the fight, but how you fight. Without fail, we resort to what we know. What we know comes from what we learned growing up from our friends, family, and other authority figures. What is your fighting style? Do you cuss, yell, and name call? What about shutting down and completely ignoring the other person? How about throwing things or kicking holes in the wall? Do you meet challenges with manipulation and guilt trips?
I love the work and research of Dr. John Gottman. If you have not read any of his books, I highly recommend them. He has spent the past several decades researching the dynamics of couples and has identified unhealthy fighting styles, which he calls the Four Horsemen. The Four Horsemen are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Criticism is when we verbally assault someone’s character or personality. Attacking someone verbally on a personal level to win an argument is hurtful and abusive. Yet criticism happens so often in disagreements. What does criticism look like? It is negative, accusatory, blaming, finger pointing, and assassinating character.
Dr. Gottman calls contempt the worst of all the four horsemen. Contempt conveys disgust for the other person and is very poisonous to the relationship. What does contempt look like? It is sarcastic, sneering, cynicism, name calling, eye rolling, mocking, condescending, joking in a hostile way, maybe even belligerent. A contemptuous person comes into the argument with guns blazing, ready to plow you over and demean you as quickly as possible. Someone full of contempt has no desire to fix the problem or reconcile, but rather to dress you down and show you who the boss is. Contempt is meant to make you feel small, weak, and insignificant.
Defensiveness, according to Dr. Gottman’s research, rarely has the desired effect in an argument. In a fight, especially with someone who is contemptuous, defensiveness just fuels the fire. It gives the impression that you are not the problem, since you are defending yourself, which makes the other person feel blamed. Defensiveness does not provoke apologies or backing down, but rather escalates the conflict.
Stonewalling is tuning out or disengaging from the other person or the discussion. Stonewalling is not quietly listening, but rather communicates that you are no longer listening. A stonewaller will look away or down without responding in any way. They act like they do not care about anything you are saying. Arguing with a stonewaller can be infuriating in that the less they appear to listen, the more the other person will yell to be heard. The more the yelling escalates, the less responsive the stonewaller gets, which leads to a never ending cycle of fighting.
Now that we have identified the Four Horsemen, how do you fight fair? Here are some of the qualities of a fair fight:
<ul>
<li>Complaints are about the other person’s actions, not about them as a person.</li>
<li>Enter the argument gently by simply saying what you need to say without being harsh or abrupt.</li>
<li>If you can tell that your breathing or heart rate are too fast, take a break to calm your body down, then come back to the argument. Dr. Gottman calls this flooding. When we are flooded we are feeling overwhelmed emotionally and our thinking and ability to communicate gets clouded.</li>
<li>If the other person gives a piece offering, some humor to lighten the mood, or in any way tries to repair the relationship ACCEPT IT! Do not reject repair attempts or dismiss them.</li>
<li>Try and think the best of the other person. If you automatically think the worst, your words will come out with contempt, criticism or defensiveness.</li>
</ul>
I will end with a quote directly from Dr. Gottman. He says, “The key to reviving or divorce-proofing a relationship is not in how you handle disagreements, but in how you are with each other when you’re not fighting.” In other words, the most important thing in a relationship is a friendship. The quality of the friendship will influence the quality of the arguments. If you have a great friendship, then you will have mutual respect for one another and will honor that friendship even in an argument. Friendship is the true foundation of any healthy relationship.
<figure><a href="https://angelaridingscounseling.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/7principles.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="https://angelaridingscounseling.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/7principles.jpg?w=188&h=300" alt="The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" /></a><figcaption>The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work</figcaption></figure>
Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1441325935406-0f22f81a-7b1a-10″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Infidelity in Oklahoma City</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/infidelity-in-oklahoma-city/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/infidelity-in-oklahoma-city/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 04 Sep 2015 00:18:06 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77564</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]According to the Huffington Post, Oklahoma City ranks in the top 5 cities with the most infidelity. Thanks to ashleymadison.com, a dating website for married…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]According to the Huffington Post, Oklahoma City ranks in the top 5 cities with the most infidelity. Thanks to ashleymadison.com, a dating website for married people looking for an affair, we now have statistics on infidelity. According to Ashley Madison, Oklahoma City ranks #5 for “discreet encounters” among married people. The full article can be read at <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/11/ashley-madison-names-wash_n_2663858.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/11/ashley-madison-names-wash_n_2663858.html</a>.
I can’t help but think about the ripple effect this is causing in and around our city. I wonder how many of these anonymous people feel like they are hurting nobody. I also think about how much these folks are hurting themselves, the shame and guilt that often follow affairs. Is everyone that has an affair a sex addict? No, but I would bet a large percentage of those having affairs are sex addicts and need help. If this is you, or if you are a partner hurt by infidelity, please get some help from a qualified sex addiction therapist. You can overcome this. You can heal from this. You and your family are worth it.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1441325869349-d2ef8bbf-0629-4″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Communication in Relationships: Effective and Destructive</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/communication-in-relationships-effective-and-destructive/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/communication-in-relationships-effective-and-destructive/#respond</comments>
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<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:09:25 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77338</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… Effective: Clean communication- clean communication is when the only intent of your communication is to reveal something about yourself.…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://toddcreager.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/5-Healthy-Relationship-Dynamics-That-You-May-Think-are-Toxic1.jpg" alt="5-Healthy-Relationship-Dynamics-That-You-May-Think-are-Toxic" />
It’s only fair to share…
Effective: Clean communication- clean communication is when the only intent of your communication is to reveal something about yourself.
Example: I am angry with you for getting defensive rather than listening.
Destructive: Unclean communication- unclean communication is when you have other intentions such as punishing the other person defending yourself, getting rid of your own tension or proving you are right.
Example: Yelling loudly- your listening skills suck! (Getting rid of tension)
Effective: Being receptive which includes dropping your own agenda temporarily. (<a href="http://toddcreager.com/the-most-important-element-of-communication-nobody-talks-about/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">See blog from August 6th</a>)
Destructive: Thinking of what you are going to say in reaction to what your partner is saying while your partner is talking to you.
Effective: Perceive your partner as an ally even when you are angry with him or her. In this way, you will talk in ways that encourage listening. If your partner has done or said something hurtful, attribute the most benign motive possible such as your partner was in pain and mishandled it.
Destructive: See your partner as an enemy whose intention is to hurt you.
What can we learn from this? The following: If you communicate cleanly, practice receptivity and perceive your partner in the best possible way, your communication will lead to quick resolution of conflict, more connection and more expressions of love. Sound good to you?
Every working day I help couples develop these communication skills right with me in my office or on Skype.
It’s only fair to share…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1441051751539-aee04325-c471-3″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>My Tips in Huff Post Article: Moving on After an Affair</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/my-tips-in-huff-post-article-moving-on-after-an-affair/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/my-tips-in-huff-post-article-moving-on-after-an-affair/#respond</comments>
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<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:08:33 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77329</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]As some of you know, I am the author of two books on infidelity: Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband? and…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]As some of you know, I am the <a href="http://amzn.to/1vjChgL" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">author</a> of two books on infidelity: <a href="http://amzn.to/1vG82RE" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband?</a> and <a href="http://amzn.to/1DHbqg7" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy With Your Wife</a>. I was recently quoted in the Huffington Post as an expert on affairs in marriage.
<a href="http://huff.to/1HW66nm" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Everything You Need To Know About Moving On After An Affair</a> 
by Brittany Wong 
Associate Divorce Editor, The Huffington Post
Moving on with your life after you’ve been cheated on can feel like an impossible task — especially if your S.O. decides to stay with his or her affair partner.
First, you need to give yourself permission to feel everything: bitterness, sorrow, confusion, rage (in moderation).
But at some point you need to move on and not let the affair define you. Below, experts on the subject of infidelity share their best advice for letting go and starting over after an affair.
1. Stop telling yourself you’ve been wronged. 
No, it’s not right that your ex cheated. And if he or she has moved on with the affair partner, it definitely doesn’t seem fair. But if you’re ever going to move on, you need to stop thinking of the affair as an injustice, said Tracy Schorn, the author of Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady’s Survival Guide. 
“Every time you go down the rabbit hole of how unfair it is and compare how happy they are after what they did, ask yourself, ‘OK, so what am I going to do about it? How am I going to move forward anyway?’” she advised. “That’s all you control — you. You don’t control the crappy things other people do. You only control how you’re going to respond. So focus on what you control — your new, cheater-free life.”
2. Accept that the marriage is over. 
Once you’ve made the decision to end the marriage or relationship, commit yourself to leaving. That means figuring out the logistics of divorce (Where are you going to stay? Should you retain a lawyer or is mediation your best bet?) and also coming to terms with the finality of your decision, said <a href="http://amzn.to/1vjChgL" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Caroline Madden</a>, a marriage therapist and the author of <a href="http://amzn.to/1vG82RE" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Fool Me Once: Should I Take Back My Cheating Husband? </a>
“Stop waiting for your spouse to come through the door,” she said. “Stop arguing about the affair. There is nothing to argue about anymore.
Instead, Madden said to “take an honest inventory of how the marriage wasn’t working for you. If he or she was cheating, your needs probably weren’t being met and you deserve to be with a spouse who doesn’t bail during rough times.”
3. Stop wasting your energy hating the affair partner.
It may feel cathartic to disparage and name-call your ex’s affair partner when you rant to your friends, but at some point, you’ll need to curb your anger, said Madden. Since your ex was the one who made your marriage vows, the lion’s share of the blame should rest on his or her shoulders, she added.
“When you waste your energy thinking about the affair partner, you get sucked into comparing yourself to him or her and hating yourself,” Madden said. “You may think you are judging her, but you’re actually judging yourself.”
Even if you think you’re fitter, more accomplished and an all-around better person than the other man or woman, drawing comparisons is ultimately a losing proposition, she said.
“In any event, your husband or wife chose the other person over you,” she said. “If you keep thinking about her, you will continue to hurt yourself, more and more.”
4. Don’t let anyone dictate forgiveness. 
Forgiveness is the next step to moving on but don’t let anyone rush you, said Schorn.
“Don’t let anyone dictate that timeline or say that you ‘must’ forgive,” she said. “Let go of some superhuman expectation of magnanimity and forgiveness. Just focus on building your new life. You’ll get to the ‘meh’ stage eventually, I promise.”
And if you’re worried that forgiveness is a tall order, it may help to know how Schorn defines the word when it comes to infidelity.
“Forgiveness means your ex doesn’t have the power to hurt you any more,” she said. “It takes a long time to get there. In the process, be kind to yourself.”
5. Don’t tell the kids.
You may be completely devastated but if you have kids, that doesn’t give you permission to tell them about mommy or daddy’s new “friend,” said Madden.
“If you tell them, you will involve them in deep adult issues that will threaten their foundation for all relationships,” she said. “It could cause them to worry and wonder if they can ever really trust their future romantic partner.”
She added: “The time to tell the truth will eventually come, but for now, let them have their childhood a little bit longer.”
6. Don’t isolate yourself. 
If you can swing it, find a therapist who can help you process the rollercoaster of emotions you’re undoubtedly feeling. If not, reach out to that one friend who always dispenses balanced, nonjudgemental advice, said <a href="http://www.drpsychmom.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Samantha Rodman</a>, a psychologist and the author of <a href="http://amzn.to/1Ll5240" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce</a>. 
“Don’t go it alone if you don’t have to,” she said. “Even online forums can be helpful to start to realize that you’re not alone.”
7. Rediscover yourself. 
Infidelity can do a number on your self-esteem. When you start to feel really low, remind yourself of how bad ass you were — and still are! — by exploring hobbies and interests you put on the back burner during the marriage, said Rodman.
“Think about what makes you feel confident and most like yourself, whether it’s cooking, taking a dance class or even just spending some time with friends,” she said. “Activities that you left behind in your old relationship can make you feel more ready to move on and enjoy your future.”
8. Don’t let your ex steal your joy. 
You know the saying “the best revenge is success”? It’s 100 percent true. Let your elaborate scheme for vengeance fall to the wayside and decide instead to live your life with gusto. Nothing will tick your cheating ex off more, Schorn said.
“People who cheat have a vested interest in rubbing their fabulous, new, sparkly life in your face — it has to be fabulous to justify the trail of broken hearts and broken homes,” she explained. “Ignore. Block. You’re still you. Cheaters might try and take your children, your pension, and your wedding china — but they can’t have your soul. You captain that.”
Free Ebook: “How To Go From Soulmates to Roommates in 10 Easy Steps”
<img decoding="async" src="http://counselingwithcaroline.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/soultoroommates200w.jpg" alt="" />
<ul>
<li>Written by Caroline Madden</li>
<li>Learn how to affair-proof your marriage</li>
<li>Develop a soul mate connection with your spouse</li>
</ul>
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<title>Improving Sex Lives for Parents with Young Children</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/improving-sex-lives-for-parents-with-young-children/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/improving-sex-lives-for-parents-with-young-children/#respond</comments>
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<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:07:42 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77182</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share… As I continue my month-long theme of Sexuality Through the Years, today’s blog is about parents who have young children.…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share…
<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/fun-663196_12801.jpg" alt="fun-663196_1280" />
As I continue my month-long theme of Sexuality Through the Years, today’s blog is about parents who have young children. These parents are usually still in their sexual prime but there bodies might not feel like it, especially the mom! Lack of sleep as well as constantly paying attention for the safety and welfare of babies and young children can take a bite out of the erotic side of a marriage. Here are 7 tips that I have used with many couples that are in this life stage:
<ol>
<li>Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater (bad expression especially for this article but you get the meaning of that expression). Maybe you do not have the time or energy today to make slow and long love to your partner but you have time for a 1 minute make out session. Keep creating an erotic feel in the atmosphere between the two of you even if it is for brief moments.</li>
<li>Get an army of babysitters; not just one or two who may flake out on you at the last minute. Get backup so that you can go out on dates. Or have the babysitter take the children to a park for an hour or 2 so you and your partner can have some private time at home.</li>
<li>Parenting issues come up and can create conflict between the two parents. Resolve them the best you can but raising children is a challenge and these conflicts could but do not need to take over the positive feelings. Don’t let that happen. If you need to see someone to help navigate through these conflicts, I can be of immense help.</li>
<li>If passion has significantly subsided even before having children, you need to see someone like myself to help you rekindle the passion. You want your children to have parents who have a positive spark between them.</li>
<li>Men need to be sensitive as the woman goes through her hormonal changes. Men should not expect women to have their same libido while breastfeeding. They are hormonally set up to keep a little person alive at that time and not necessarily to have a whole lot of sexual pleasure. Women vary in the amount of sexual desire they have during this time. Men need to get educated and be patient.</li>
<li>Get locks on your door so that you’re not worried about a child coming into your room in the middle of a sexual act.</li>
<li>If you are worried about “sexual” noise, stop worrying! You will not traumatize your child if he or she hears something. If you are concerned, then practice quiet sex!</li>
</ol>
Just remember- parents that have a passionate connection with each other have a positive effect on the emotional well being of their child. Be realistic; you do not have the time and energy you had before young children. However, make room for sex in your relationship. Everyone wins when you do that!
It’s only fair to share…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1441051650023-ee4b8595-0ebc-5″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Healthy Couples Make for Healthy Children</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/healthy-couples-make-for-healthy-children/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/healthy-couples-make-for-healthy-children/#respond</comments>
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<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:06:47 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77178</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share… “Are you kidding? You are asking me to be romantic with my husband and to flirt with him? I don’t…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share…
<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/iStock_000009474965XSmall1.jpg" alt="Family Cycling Through A Park" />
“Are you kidding? You are asking me to be romantic with my husband and to flirt with him? I don’t even have time to go to the bathroom sometimes with my 3 kids running around during the summer. Two are in camps, one has to go to junior lifeguards and my husband is at work all day. By the time I am done with my to-do list, I am beat and have no time for romance and sex.”
“It’s just challenging now. There are layoffs coming and I need to work extra hard and basically be more impressive to my superiors than my coworkers. And then when I get home, my wife needs me to go pick up my daughter at dance and my son at soccer. Then I get home and eat a real late dinner and I am exhausted. And then I am supposed to take some time to be with my wife? I need to decompress, maybe watch one TV show and then go to bed.”
I hear variations of those themes almost every day I am working with couples. In the above examples, the kids are getting in their soccer, their dance, their camps and their junior lifeguards. But what they are not getting are parents who show joy to be around each other. If you were to take those children 20 years from now and ask them- If you had one less activity back then but it allowed your parents to have some time together and you got to see them smiling at each other more – would you choose that? I am telling you the answer would be yes. I am not saying that children shouldn’t have activities; as a matter of fact I am fine with them having all the activities and more that I listed above. As long as the couple has some quality time together on a consistent basis.
Maybe it is not a child’s activity that has to go; maybe it is talking less on the phone with your dependent sister. Or maybe you need to be more assertive with your boss and do your best to get home earlier. Or maybe you make just a little less money as an entrepreneur. (I know many people who refused to make a little less money, their lives got out of balance and then they ended up in a very expensive divorce and were financially far worse off than if they balanced their lives out more when married.)
Or maybe you do not have to give ANYTHING up. Being a healthy couple may take no more than a decision to prioritize attending to each other. I recently had one of those overwhelmed moms in my office who had no time for her husband. I asked her to turn towards her husband and make him feel like a million bucks. She looked at him, smiled and gently touched her husband’s face. His face lit up and he smiled back. I asked what was going on with him. He said- I liked what she did a lot! I asked her how long that took and she answered- about 8 seconds. Yup, 8 seconds to a better marriage- sounds like my next book title!
The important point here is that your children will benefit tremendously when you make being a healthy couple a priority. They will be more relaxed and having parents who outwardly show affection and fondness for each other helps children in ways that we may take for granted. I am not citing research in this blog but you can, I am sure, imagine that as children feel more secure because their parents are happy together, they could do better socially, academically and health-wise as well. And here is another benefit- you both become great role models for their future intimate relationships!
So, in a nutshell, take your kids to dance and soccer and also make sure that they see some outward signs that you both like each other and enjoy each other’s company. It all makes perfect sense now, doesn’t it?
It’s only fair to share…[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1441051591440-3362824e-5ff7-6″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Relationships are everything!</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/relationships-are-everything/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/relationships-are-everything/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:05:55 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77174</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share… As you know, I am passionate and helping people in intimate relationships rediscover and increase their passion. Below are a…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share…
<a href="http://www.maximizerelationshipslive.com/todd-creager" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/graphic-with-Sarah-and-I1.png" alt="graphic with Sarah and I" /></a>
As you know, I am passionate and helping people in intimate relationships rediscover and increase their passion. Below are a few examples of what I do:
<ul>
<li>I see couples in person and via Skype to help them overcome their barriers to nurturing, alive relationships</li>
<li>I do teleseminars and occasion live workshops to educate and enlighten people about their interpersonal power to make a difference in their relationships.</li>
<li>I develop information materials such as books, cd’s and downloadable products about relationships so that you can listen and watch conveniently and as many times as you want.</li>
<li>I take the time to nurture my own 30-year marriage and do my best to walk my talk.</li>
</ul>
I do this because relationships are everything!
By paying attention to the connections around me there are easy ways to create meaningful and mutually beneficial situations right in front of me that I’m determined not to pass up.
Here’s why I’m sharing this with you: 
It’s insanely clear to me the power and impact relationships have to make or break your life!
Literally, in everything we do there is an opportunity to create more meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships.
Here’s why it’s imperative you pay attention to the relationships in your life starting NOW!
<ol>
<li>studies show that your health and the length of your life are directly linked to the level of meaningful connections you have with others, pets and the world around you.</li>
<li>the level of connections you have with others is also correlated to the amount of money in your bank account; and</li>
<li>your hardest relationship offers you the lessons you need to grow and move to where you want to be with ease</li>
<li>and it doesn’t stop there…</li>
</ol>
Here’s the deal: there is a speaker’s series happening now that will teach you all you need to get the most out of your relationships – it’s called “<a href="http://www.maximizerelationshipslive.com/todd-creager" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Maximize Your Platonic, Personal and Professional Relationships Live!</a>“
Here’s a quick summary: Over three weeks you’ll get access to 30 speakers as we discuss exercises you can do in less than 30 minutes a day to create meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships in 3 areas of your life. 
Week 1: we discuss platonic relationships and lay the foundation for how you can ensure you get the most out of this series.
Week 2: we discuss how to maximize romantic relationships whether it’s with the person you are dating, married to or separated from – there are opportunities to grow, learn and expand in each that we miss all the time. (Of course that is when my interview airs).
Week 3: we discuss how to maximize relationships for professional development and achievement.
This is the quickest and easiest way I know to get you this insanely powerful information! 
<a href="http://www.maximizerelationshipslive.com/todd-creager" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Join me</a> and learn ways to maximize the relationships in your life right now!
My interview airs on July 17th. What is the blessing and lesson that is here for you? You’ll never know unless you join me: <a href="http://www.maximizerelationshipslive.com/todd-creager" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Click here.</a>
The event started July 6th but you can still join us. You’ll have full access to all the interviews until August 2. Take full advantage – there’s nothing like this out there
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<title>Sexuality Through the Years</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sexuality-through-the-years/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sexuality-through-the-years/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:04:05 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77165</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… Sexuality is an important aspect for us throughout our lives. Watch this video to see how it evolves through…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/sexuality-through-the-years1.jpg" alt="Sexuality Through the Years" />
It’s only fair to share…
Sexuality is an important aspect for us throughout our lives. Watch this video to see how it evolves through the decades.
I cover the transitions of life before kids, through kids, physiological changes, on up to maintaining a sexual connection with your partner past the 80s! I’ve included some tips to help the transitions through the many happy years to come.
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/gV_7gSzoY1Q" width="460" height="315" frameborder="0"></iframe>
Here’s to getting the love you want!
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<title>Sex in the Older Years</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sex-in-the-older-years/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sex-in-the-older-years/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:03:11 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77161</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… If we take good care of ourselves, our sexual system can outlast just about every organ system we have.…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/oldercouplesmall1.jpg" alt="oldercouplesmall" />
It’s only fair to share…
If we take good care of ourselves, our sexual system can outlast just about every organ system we have. People have the opportunity to enjoy sexual pleasure well into their older years. Couples that have attended to their relationship through the years can enjoy lovemaking based on sexual and emotional maturity, life experiences and a deepening of their intimate relationship. This can all help with some of the following challenges of sexuality in the older years:
<ol>
<li>Women can develop some vaginal dryness due to hormonal changes such as decreases in estrogen levels. (Lubrications, hormonal balancing and some other medications can help with this challenge).</li>
<li>Men may need more stimulation to get aroused and have orgasms. It is only natural and part of the aging process and like women, it may be due to hormonal changes, in this case- a gradual decrease of testosterone. With emotional maturity comes sensitivity, patience and acceptance of the human condition.</li>
<li>Medical challenges can affect one’s sexuality. Prostate problems for men and hysterectomies for women definitely can affect sexuality. Also, cardiac problems, cancer and fibromyalgia as well as other chronic conditions can affect sexuality.</li>
<li>Prescription drugs can sometimes lower libido and the ability to be aroused and/or orgasm.</li>
</ol>
I work with many older couples that have one or more of the above challenges. These couples are relieved to realize that there are solutions to these challenges. Sometimes it involves lifestyle changes that can help revive sexual health; sometimes it involves intelligent compromises where people don’t avoid physical intimacy even though they may not be able to do all that they did before. Some couples experience their best sexuality in their older years. Sex increasingly becomes a way to communicate love. There are less hang-ups and less ego. There is often more time to slow down and savor the relationship and each other. Those that are already there – please feel free to comment and share your wisdom. Those that are younger, if you play your cards right, you have much to look forward to!
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<title>The Most Important Element Of Communication Nobody Talks About</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/the-most-important-element-of-communication-nobody-talks-about/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/the-most-important-element-of-communication-nobody-talks-about/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:02:19 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77157</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share… Say “I” statements. Don’t be defensive. Repeat the words that your partner said. These are a few of the things…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share…
<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/toddphoto-300x2071.jpg" alt="The Most Important Element Of Communication Nobody Talks About" />
Say “I” statements. Don’t be defensive. Repeat the words that your partner said. These are a few of the things people hear at basic communication seminars or what they read in communication articles. That is all well and good except that there is something that everyone has to do before anything else so that communication can be effective. And here it is:
DROP YOUR AGENDA!
What do I mean by that? I mean stop trying to accomplish ANYTHING when your partner is communicating. Get curious, be inquisitive, be interested in what the other person wants to express. If you drop your agenda, you will not be defending yourself, proving your partner is inaccurate or reacting to what he or she is saying. And that is because you are not trying to accomplish anything. You have dropped your agenda. You are now truly receptive to what your partner or the other person truly is experiencing and wants to convey to you. This is a very relaxed state. You are not trying to control how your partner thinks or feels or even how you feel. You are just letting everything be as it is. No forcing; no pushing; no pulling. Just being there, interested and curious. (Yes, some words need to be repeated).
This is the same state of mind as when you are in nature taking in the scenery. You are not trying to accomplish anything. You are just noticing the beauty around you. This state of mind could be practiced throughout the day for even seconds at a time. Then, when the other person wants to communicate to you, you can evoke in you that same state of mind. When you do that, your partner will notice and will feel your energy and presence is with him or her. Eventually it will be your turn to express and your partner could very well be more receptive to you because of your excellent listening. And that, my dear reader, is the beginning of great communication.
Do you have trouble doing this with your partner or anyone else? I can help with that! Contact me.
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<title>Communication: Bickering, Yelling, Withdrawing, and Suppressing</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/communication-bickering-yelling-withdrawing-and-suppressing/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/communication-bickering-yelling-withdrawing-and-suppressing/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:01:24 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77155</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… Ever have a simple item of discussion turn into a multiple hour fight? What should have been a simple…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/2dCgDQR8oKY?rel=0&controls=0&showinfo=0" width="480" height="360" frameborder="0"></iframe>
It’s only fair to share…
Ever have a simple item of discussion turn into a multiple hour fight? What should have been a simple chat, becomes another battle; and by the end of it, you’re no closer together.
I see it all the time with the couples I help. It comes down to a few styles of communication that are standing in the way of smooth sailing. Watch this video to find out what kind of dynamic is going on in your home. And of course, I offer a some insights on how to turn it around in no time.
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<title>“You’re the Worst Communicator Ever”- Confessions of a Marriage Therapist- (Me)</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/youre-the-worst-communicator-ever-confessions-of-a-marriage-therapist-me/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/youre-the-worst-communicator-ever-confessions-of-a-marriage-therapist-me/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 20:00:14 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77151</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] It’s only fair to share… I have been to many parties where people would come up to my wife and say- “You must have…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/photodune-3191082-couple-quarreling-xs51.jpg" alt="Toxic Relationship: Couple Quarreling" />
It’s only fair to share…
I have been to many parties where people would come up to my wife and say- “You must have a perfect marriage- you are married to a marriage therapist.” And my wife found that comment very funny! The truth is- yes- I am a marriage therapist, and I am also a human being who grew up in a family where great communication was not modeled. There were many times I would be helping a couple with communication and suddenly had the thought- “I think it is time to listen to my own wise words. My clients are communicating better than my wife and I.”
This communication stuff is really simple but not easy. It is simple because healthy communication is about sharing your feelings in a way that makes it easy for your partner to listen and to listen in a way that makes your partner motivated to share in ways that make it easy for you to listen. Now that is a wonderful upward communication spiral.
But communication is not easy. It is not easy because we react to protect ourselves. My parents were wonderful, loving people but communicated emotional material like two children. My mom would say things to get under my father’s skin and he would react by saying those famous two words- F—k you! And that is what I observed as the way to communicate emotional feelings. So, when my wife had any complaints (and we all do from time to time), I did not react well to them. I became the little Todd who was angry with my mother for making my dad feel like crap. And now my wife was making me feel like crap. Even though, in actuality she was NOT making me feel like crap; she just had feelings; that’s it- she was just having an experience of feelings and the only one that was making me feel like crap was me. As David Deida says in his book- “The Way of the Superior Man,”- “her complaint is the beginning of her pleasure.” That is right- what I needed to learn to do is be open and receptive to my wife’s complaint, take responsibility for the things I was responsible for and let her know that I understood. And the complaint and negative feelings would then transform into warmth and closeness. It is just that simple and that difficult.
I have gotten much better. My emotional muscle is more developed. And I have a long ways to go! I still react immaturely at times, get defensive and share like a child rather than an adult. However, I intend to improve every day. I intend to share feelings more lovingly and listen more caringly. I could do it and so could you. Yesterday (August 12th) we were married 31 years. I am a far better communicator now than the first day we were married. Can you imagine how good I will be in another 31 years at my 62nd anniversary?
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<title>Sexuality at Middle Age</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sexuality-at-middle-age/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sexuality-at-middle-age/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 19:59:18 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77172</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share… Continuing the July theme of Sexuality Through the Years, this brief blog article discusses sexuality at middle age. Middle age…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]It’s only fair to share…
<img decoding="async" src="http://toddcreager.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/family1.jpg" alt="family" />
Continuing the July theme of Sexuality Through the Years, this brief blog article discusses sexuality at middle age. Middle age is a pretty loose term. For most of us, it covers the time of having adolescent and young adult children, beginnings of perimenopause and menopause, and being empty nesters.
Having adolescents of course is challenging in general but it also challenges our sex life because the bedtimes are later and there are less opportunities to be alone because of that. However, on the other side of things, adolescents typically spend more time away from the house hanging out with friends. Parents need to plan ahead and be opportunistic to have time alone when the opportunities present itself. Of course, getting time away is always a good thing no matter how old your children are.
I will be writing a longer article on sexuality, women and menopause soon. Here I want to briefly say that husbands need to take the sexual symptoms of menopause seriously. Menopause and even perimenopause can decrease sexual desire and arousal. It does not affect all women the same, however; some are less affected than others. There is a decrease in estrogen, which can produce drier vaginas, which in turn can make sex more uncomfortable. The good news is that there are a number of things women can do to remedy this including using lubricants such as KY Jelly and Astroglide, other vaginal moisturizers and vaginal estrogen therapy. All these options should be discussed with your doctor.
Empty nesters can have a revival of their sex life, as they are free to be openly sexual around the house without thought of young ones around. Those couples that have put effort into staying connected through the child-rearing years can enjoy this transition and can use this time to raise the eroticism in the relationship. Those that did not do a good job of staying connected may have a crisis on their hands and need to see a qualified relationship and sex therapist to help them resurrect their aliveness and passion.
Sexuality at middle age can be a far richer sexual experience than in younger years. The reason for this is that hopefully the pair has matured together, weathered some storms together and can have a deep bond that allows for vulnerability and deeper sexual and emotional connection. It can be a time for experimentation and interpersonal risk taking. Those middle agers who have done the inner work of healing their childhood wounds are freer to enjoy mature sexuality and are less prone to act out their earlier interpersonal drams with each other. If you are in middle age and are struggling in your intimate life, please contact me wherever you are. I could help in person, via Skype or via phone. My passion is helping you enjoy passion with your partner.
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<title>The Top Myths About Relationships</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/the-top-myths-about-relationships/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/the-top-myths-about-relationships/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 19:56:41 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77260</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]There are myths in every aspect of sociology, but relationship myths take the cake with how many there are, and how wrong they can be.…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]There are myths in every aspect of sociology, but relationship myths take the cake with how many there are, and how wrong they can be. Here are five of the most common:
<ol>
<li>Half of all marriages end in divorce. Not true. Yes, there may be half the number of divorces as there are marriages in a year, but the people getting married aren’t the ones getting divorced.</li>
<li>Kids ruin the marriage. This was based on a study that didn’t follow the couples through the transition period. They just asked about their happiness in different times in their lives. A more accurate study that followed the couples through the transition period, found that women are happier after their children are born. One indicator of women’s happiness was if they felt that the household chores were being shared.</li>
<li>Counseling for couples doesn’t work. We’ve all seen the exaggerated portrayal of couples in the counselor’s office yelling at each other while the counselor looks on helplessly. This is not the case at all. Counselors are trained to handle those problems. Plus, if it’s done right and taken seriously, counseling can save the marriage.</li>
<li>It’s better to live together before you get married. This myth is really counterproductive. It turns out that those who live together before getting engaged are more likely to get divorced. It’s just a convenient step they slip into and slip out of. However, living together after getting engaged is less likely to affect the marriage because an engagement is a thought-out plan, not just an automatic step or a whim.</li>
<li>The old myth that “opposites attract” can be true in the beginning, when you meet the one who is the yin to your yang. But when the infatuation wears off, you end up with two radically different people trying to coexist. Marrying someone who has some differences, as well as similarities, to you is a better combination for happiness.</li>
</ol>
In the end, don’t let myths dictate your relationship. If you need advice, ask someone you trust, and who knows what they’re talking about.
Read the full article here: <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201203/the-top-10-myths-about-relationships" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Top 10 Myths About Relationships</a>
Free Ebook: “How To Go From Soulmates to Roommates in 10 Easy Steps”
<img decoding="async" src="http://counselingwithcaroline.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/soultoroommates200w.jpg" alt="" />
<ul>
<li>Written by Caroline Madden</li>
<li>Learn how to affair-proof your marriage</li>
<li>Develop a soul mate connection with your spouse</li>
</ul>
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<title>5 Things to Consider When Your Depression is Not Getting Better</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/5-things-to-consider-when-your-depression-is-not-getting-better/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/5-things-to-consider-when-your-depression-is-not-getting-better/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 19:55:29 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77269</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]The author of the attached article has lived with depression for 43 years, and is alive to talk about it. She offers helpful hints to…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]The author of the attached article has lived with depression for 43 years, and is alive to talk about it. She offers helpful hints to get you through the depression you’re struggling with. Here are some shared tips to help if your depression is not getting better:
<ol>
<li>A physical is a must. Many times, your symptoms are linked to a physical problem and not a chemical problem in your brain. Make sure your doctor checks for vitamin D and vitamin B12 deficiencies, anemia, blood sugar imbalance, and insulin resistance.</li>
<li>Get your thyroid checked. This may seem redundant but, the truth is, many doctors don’t check everything they should. They may check the TSH levels, but not run a complete panel. Even endocrinologists may not do a complete workup to find hypothyroidism. However, every single person the author knows who has chronic depression has a problem with his or her thyroid.</li>
<li>Seriously, up your vitamins B12 and D. Numerous studies have shown a link between vitamins B12 and D deficiencies and depression. It’s a fact that Americans don’t normally get enough of these vitamins.</li>
<li>Change your diet. Yes, it’s a frustrating suggestion, but it makes a difference. The author tried it. She cut out sugar, caffeine, processed flour, and dairy — cold turkey. Even though she was eating healthy by American standards, the insulin rush from supposedly healthy foods was still affecting her moods. Unfortunately, the improvements don’t happen right away. The author said it took about nine months before she really felt better: a “no death thoughts” better.</li>
<li>Go to a teaching hospital. There are many differences between “just anyone” and a teaching hospital. One really big difference you’ll find in a teaching hospital is you have the benefit of doctors who are there to learn — they want to find out what’s really wrong. They also don’t have deals with pharmaceutical companies, so they will more likely prescribe older drugs that are proven to work. They will treat you like the individual you are, and not just as another dollar sign.</li>
</ol>
Read the full article here: <a href="http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/things-consider-when-your-depression-not-getting-better/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">8 Things to Consider When Your Depression is Not Getting Better</a>
Free Ebook: “How To Go From Soulmates to Roommates in 10 Easy Steps”
<img decoding="async" src="http://counselingwithcaroline.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/soultoroommates200w.jpg" alt="" />
<ul>
<li>Written by Caroline Madden</li>
<li>Learn how to affair-proof your marriage</li>
<li>Develop a soul mate connection with your spouse</li>
</ul>
[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1441050905040-ba69cb4e-e071-6″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Is Technoference Wrecking Your Love Life?</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/is-technoference-wrecking-your-love-life/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/is-technoference-wrecking-your-love-life/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Mon, 31 Aug 2015 19:54:04 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77270</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Technoference may not be a word you’re familiar with, but you’ve probably figured out what it means. There’s no doubt you’ll be hearing of it…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Technoference may not be a word you’re familiar with, but you’ve probably figured out what it means. There’s no doubt you’ll be hearing of it more and more.
In an age when everyone is connected to everyone else 24/7, there is the expectation that you have to be available 24/7 and, if you’re not, there are repercussions. This is not a healthy way to live – especially for couples.
A survey conducted by Cecile Andres, a leader in the Voluntary Simplicity movement, showed that North American couples spend twelve minutes a day talking to each other. A relationship is a living thing that needs attention; twelve minutes is starvation rations. This is becoming a problem that, unfortunately, most couples don’t notice until it’s too late.
Another survey showed that 20% of people admitted to using their smartphone while having sex. More couples are finding that they are let down and hurt when they expect to get one-on-one time, such as at dinner, and their partner pulls out their tech device. It is not just women complaining; men are having the same problems.
So what can be done? The psychological community is looking into why this happens, how to prevent it, and how to reverse the problem once it’s begun. There are steps you can take:
<ul>
<li>Schedule tech-free time together.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Make a “no tech at the table” rule.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Plan a weekend away without tech devices.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Participate in recurring events such as hiking or bike riding without your phone.</li>
</ul>
The important thing is that you unplug and tune in to the people and things in your life that do not require a plug. Take the time to fall in love with your partner, and reconnect in ways that show your partner and others that they matter more to you than your tech device.
Read the full article here: <a href="http://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationship-skills/2015/01/is-technoference-wrecking-your-love-life/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Is Technoference Wrecking Your Love Life?</a>
Free Ebook: “How To Go From Soulmates to Roommates in 10 Easy Steps”
<img decoding="async" src="http://counselingwithcaroline.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/soultoroommates200w.jpg" alt="" />
<ul>
<li>Written by Caroline Madden</li>
<li>Learn how to affair-proof your marriage</li>
<li>Develop a soul mate connection with your spouse</li>
</ul>
[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid post_type=”post” max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1441050819371-46f09188-dde2-7″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Signs of Infidelity</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/signs_of_infidelity/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/signs_of_infidelity/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Wed, 26 Aug 2015 22:22:05 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=76693</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1432938224298{padding-right: 40px !important;padding-left: 40px !important;}”]   Remove any reason for doubt or unease in your relationship. R.G. Gomez & Associates will help you determine…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1432938224298{padding-right: 40px !important;padding-left: 40px !important;}”]<img fetchpriority="high" decoding="async" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-76694" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/signsofcheating.jpg" alt="signsofcheating" width="478" height="269" srcset="https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/signsofcheating.jpg 478w, https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/signsofcheating-300x169.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 478px) 100vw, 478px" />
 
Remove any reason for doubt or unease in your relationship. R.G. Gomez & Associates will help you determine if your significant other is being faithful. Here are a few indications that your spouse maybe cheating you:
 
Cell Phone 
The cell phone rings while you are having dinner with your spouse, suddenly your spouse gets up from the table and goes to another room to have some privacy and he makes sure all the doors and windows are closed.
Credit Cards 
The spouse has some unusual purchases at some high end retail stores and your spouse hates to shop. The merchandise on the credit card shows some expensive negligees.
Physical Fitness 
The couch potato you married now wants to go to the gym every night and lose the 50 pounds he gained while eating away in front of the plasma television. Now all of the sudden he wants to eat more vegetables and fruit and lay off the cheese burgers and fries.
Clothing 
The spouse you married always wore old jeans with holes and a T-Shirt that was dirty and soiled. Suddenly the spouse becomes a fashion model and will only wear designer clothing and all the colors are well coordinated.
Working Habits 
The spouse that came home at 5:30 pm every night now has to attend all these late meetings with his boss. Furthermore, his boss is now scheduling to meet with other clients who are only available on week-ends and most of them are out of town.
 
Raul G. Gomez. P.I. 
R.G. Gomez & Associates 
3600 Harbor Blvd. Ste. 167 
Channel Island Marina, CA 93035 
<a href="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/professional/raul_g_gomez/">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/professional/raul_g_gomez/</a>[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1439531571700-364432c2-128d-7″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Rethinking Sex Addiction, Part I</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/rethinking-sex-addiction-part-i/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/rethinking-sex-addiction-part-i/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 14 Aug 2015 00:19:58 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77186</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] When Is It Too Much? A growing group of psychotherapists are questioning the idea that sex can be addictive. I, too, have struggled with…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]<a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/porn-in-eyeball.jpg" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"><img decoding="async" src="http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/porn-in-eyeball-300x2511.jpg" alt="When Is It Too Much?" /></a>
When Is It Too Much?
A growing group of psychotherapists are questioning the idea that sex can be addictive. I, too, have struggled with the concept of addiction when it comes to sex. Some men (and it is mainly men, so I’ll use male pronouns) do seem truly out of control when it comes to their sexual urges. Often there are co-addictions, like alcoholism, that fuel their behavior.
But other men seem to struggle for other reasons. They don’t know how to communicate their needs to their partner and so they seek satisfaction elsewhere. Or they have money, power, and freedom, perhaps traveling for business and having access to clubs and escorts. Their behavior disturbs their relationships and often, their self-esteem, because these are behaviors that are often shameful and kept secret.
At a recent <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Association_of_Sexuality_Educators%2C_Counselors_and_Therapists" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">AASECT</a> conference I was fortunate to sit in on a dialogue between David Ley and Robert Weiss. Both are psychotherapists and both are authors who have been pitched against each other in the media, with Ley questioning the existence of sex addition, and Weiss treating sex addiction as a serious problem.
The dialogue transformed into a meeting of the minds. Ley conceded that there are individuals who struggle with something akin to sexual addiction, and Weiss stated that he wanted to distance himself from sex addiction counselors who treat all sex outside of heterosexual, married relationships as something shameful and dirty–including homosexuality and even masturbation.
What are we looking at, then? The closest is, perhaps, Kafka et al.’s proposed diagnosis of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexual_disorder" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Hypersexual Disorder</a>, a disorder that did not make it into the DSM-5(TM). Hypersexual Disorder is basically defined as having sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors that interfere with other (non-sexual) important goals or activities; engaging in these sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors in response to mood states that are uncomfortable or unwanted (e.g., depression); and having little or no success in controlling these sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors.
Why is this distinction important? Because in the description of Hypersexual Disorder there is no mention of shame, guilt, morality, and so forth. And I think this is important, because for the majority of men, looking at pornography or engaging in sex outside of a committed relationship isn’t a question of morality–though it may be a question of feelings of entitlement. Thus, there may be little shame for a man who is discovered by his partner (generally female) freely downloading porn, engaging in sex chat rooms, or meeting hook-ups they’ve met online.
Yet surely, their behavior is a problem if they cannot stop it–and it is interfering with other things. You know, things like work, intimate relationships, or picking up the kids from soccer. They may not be able to stop it because they’ve become psychologically dependent on it to distract them from things that are unpleasant to think about, like financial pressures or deadlines. Or because the stimulation of sexual material has become so captivating that it is simply difficult to unloose oneself from its ties.
Yet there is a problem with Hypersexual Disorder as well, and this was Douglas Harvey-Braun’s point in his AASECT presentation on <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypersexuality" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">out of control sexual behavior</a>. If we help someone control those thoughts, behaviors, and urges–what’s left? What is the alternative to out of control sexual behavior? What does the opposite look like?
I’ll cover that in Rethinking <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_addiction" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Sex Addiction</a>, Part 2.
The post <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/rethinking-sex-addiction-part-i/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Rethinking Sex Addiction, Part I</a> appeared first on <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Buehler Institute</a>.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1439511584909-9a85f1a0-a398-5″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Sex and Chronic Illness: Reclaiming Intimacy</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sex-and-chronic-illness-reclaiming-intimacy/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sex-and-chronic-illness-reclaiming-intimacy/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 14 Aug 2015 00:17:35 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77198</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Are you grappling with a chronic illness and it’s impact on your sex life? Learn how you can reclaim intimacy and re-connect with your partner…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Are you grappling with a chronic illness and it’s impact on your sex life? Learn how you can reclaim intimacy and re-connect with your partner in the wake of chronic illness.
 <a href="http://www.slideshare.net/DrStephanieBuehler/chronic-illness-and-sexualityppt1-1" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Chronic illness and sexuality.ppt1 1</a> from <a href="http://www.slideshare.net/DrStephanieBuehler" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Dr. Stephanie Buehler</a>
The post <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/sex-chronic-illness-reclaiming-intimacy/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Sex and Chronic Illness: Reclaiming Intimacy</a> appeared first on <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Buehler Institute</a>.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1439511443554-cd628c93-faf8-3″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Pelvic Pain Disorders: Live from IPPS Meeting</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/pelvic-pain-disorders-live-from-ipps-meeting/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/pelvic-pain-disorders-live-from-ipps-meeting/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 14 Aug 2015 00:15:46 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77200</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]I’m at the International Pelvic Pain Society meeting in Chicago and already stoked to bring back new information. At the basics meeting, I got caught…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]I’m at the International Pelvic Pain Society meeting in Chicago and already stoked to bring back new information. At the basics meeting, I got caught up on what’s new in our understanding of pain, and Dr. Bruce Fenton stated emphatically MEDITATION HELPS!
What? Huh? Meditation? Why? Because quieting the brain helps turn down the pain receptors that influence the way in which we experience pain. No, you can’t just turn on the TV and put up your feet; your brain is still working. You have to take up the discipline of meditation to get the full effect.
Mindful meditation is simple to explain, difficult to do. Basically, you sit quietly, focus on your breath, and let your thoughts go. Easy, right? No, it isn’t. But it is a practice, and over time the brain learns to stop generating judgmental thoughts.
Judgmental thoughts–this pain will never go away, I can’t stand this any more–are one of the reasons that pain sometimes feels worse than it should. Dr. Fenton gave the example of a woman complaining of pain from a UTI even after treatment. For some reason, her brain stays switched on, and now she feels everything in her pelvic floor and bladder. Meditation can turn the brain off.
Are you a woman, or man, who has pelvic pain? Do you want to learn how to manage the psychological aspects of pain without adding medication? A psychologist, especially one who really knows about sexual pain, can help you learn about the nature of your mind and the ways to close the pain gateways.
The post <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/pelvic-pain-disorders-live-ipps-meeting/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Pelvic Pain Disorders: Live from IPPS Meeting</a> appeared first on <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Buehler Institute</a>.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1439511335802-efc98ca3-f409-1″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Sex Therapy on the Radio</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sex-therapy-on-the-radio/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sex-therapy-on-the-radio/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 14 Aug 2015 00:12:23 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77202</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Last week I had the pleasure of being a guest on “Love, Lust & Laughter” hosted by fellow sex therapist Diane Wiley. While we discussed…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Last week I had the pleasure of being a guest on <a href="http://prn.fm/category/archives/love-lust-and-laughter/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">“Love, Lust & Laughter” </a>hosted by fellow sex therapist <a href="http://drdianawiley.com/about/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Diane Wiley. </a>While we discussed many things, the focus of the hour was on <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/sexual-pain-how-a-psychologist-can-help-a-woman-with-vulvodynia/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">sexual pain.</a> Diane was a generous, knowledgeable and wonderful host. It was a productive and informative hour that we hope educated professionals and laypeople about the misconceptions surrounding sexual pain, how sex therapy can benefit those experiencing sexual pain (and their partners, too)! We also discussed the relational consequences of sexual pain disorders, and how couples can work together to overcome the shame and guilt brought about by sexual pain disorders.
It was a joy to be a guest on her show, and I encourage you to<a href="http://prn.fm/category/archives/love-lust-and-laughter/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer"> listen</a> when you have a chance.
The post <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/sex-therapy-radio/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Sex Therapy on the Radio</a> appeared first on <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Buehler Institute</a>.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1439511118082-034b81a3-ec3a-5″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Sexual Pain Disorders: A Brief Overview</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sexual-pain-disorders-a-brief-overview/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sexual-pain-disorders-a-brief-overview/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 14 Aug 2015 00:11:09 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77204</guid>
<description><![CDATA[Here is my latest SlideShare presentation on sexual pain disorders. Brief, jargon-free and to the point. Enjoy!
Understanding Sexual Pain Disorders from Dr. Stephanie Buehler
The post Sexual Pain Disorders: A Brief Overview appeared first on The Buehler Institute.]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Here is my latest SlideShare presentation on sexual pain disorders. Brief, jargon-free and to the point. Enjoy!
 <a href="https://www.slideshare.net/DrStephanieBuehler/sexual-pain-disorders" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Understanding Sexual Pain Disorders</a> from <a href="http://www.slideshare.net/DrStephanieBuehler" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Dr. Stephanie Buehler</a>
The post <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/treating-sexual-pain-disorders/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Sexual Pain Disorders: A Brief Overview</a> appeared first on <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Buehler Institute</a>.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1439511056650-5f2abb0e-a8f3-7″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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<title>Sex Therapy Q&A: Breast Cancer Survivors and Sexuality</title>
<link>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sex-therapy-qa-breast-cancer-survivors-and-sexuality/</link>
<comments>https://infidelitysupportgroup.com/blog/sex-therapy-qa-breast-cancer-survivors-and-sexuality/#respond</comments>
<dc:creator><![CDATA[source]]></dc:creator>
<pubDate>Fri, 14 Aug 2015 00:09:51 +0000</pubDate>
<category><![CDATA[Articles]]></category>
<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.infidelitysupportgroup.com/?p=77206</guid>
<description><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Q: I’m lucky because my breast cancer treatment went well and I am in remission, but I have zero interest in sex with my partner.…]]></description>
<content:encoded><![CDATA[[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Q: I’m lucky because my breast cancer treatment went well and I am in remission, but I have zero interest in sex with my partner. Will this ever get better or will I be stuck in neutral the rest of my life? Help!
A: It is very common for women survivors of breast cancer to struggle with low sexual desire and other problems, including vaginal dryness and difficulty with arousal and orgasm. First, let’s look at why that is, and then let’s look at what can be done about it.
Breast cancer survivors (really, a survivor of any type of cancer) can understandably have mild to moderate depression as well as anxiety as a result of diagnosis and treatment. This level of injury to the body causes injury to the psyche. Having cancer can make the survivor feel vulnerable, for example. Or they may struggle with feeling dependent on caregivers if they are used to being independent.
Then, there are issues related to body image. Cancer treatment can lead to scarring and other changes in the body, including weight loss or weight gain from medications. When hair grows back after chemotherapy, it can be a different texture or even color. Being in ill health can cause someone to look pale or tired, which some people perceive in themselves as being unattractive.
Many breast cancer survivors are put on Tamoxifen, which is used to suppress the production of estrogen. Tamoxifen puts the survivor into menopause, which can have multiple annoying symptoms, including hot flashes, night sweats, irritability, and vaginal dryness. It can also cause a woman’s libido to drop, which can lead to difficulty enjoying sex.
Fortunately, there are a number of steps a breast cancer survivor and her partner can take to sustain their intimate relationship. One of the first is to acknowledge that there have been changes, some psychological and some physical, and that things may never be the same. Many oncologists and psychologists refer to this period after cancer treatment as the “new normal.”
The “new normal” can mean different things. One is that the reasons for having sex might be different. Instead of being motivated for sex by physical desire, the cancer survivor may be motivated by more affection, more words of love and praise, or other actions. The survivor may also need to find new reasons to engage in sex, such as feeling connected or simply feeling like a desirable woman.
The survivor and her partner may also need to engage in exploring new ways of getting aroused, such as using toys or exploring different parts of the body, especially if the survivor once had pleasure from having her breasts caressed. On a physical level, the survivor may need to use lubricant, vaginal moisturizer, or if not contraindicated, topical estrogen to overcome vaginal dryness. Vaginal intercourse, however, requires a certain amount of energy. Being open to other ways of having sex might create more possibilities for pleasure.
On a physical level, taking good care of one’s self is paramount, whether the aim is to feel good or to have enough energy for sex. Watching one’s diet, getting enough sleep and rest, and taking time for a meditation or yoga practice can all help the survivor have more self-esteem and cope better with stress. This, in turn, can make the survivor feel more in touch with her sexual nature and her desire for an intimate connection.
The post <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/sex-therapy-qa-sex-breast-cancer/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">Sex Therapy Q&A: Breast Cancer Survivors and Sexuality</a> appeared first on <a href="http://thebuehlerinstitute.com/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer">The Buehler Institute</a>.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][easy-social-share buttons=”facebook,twitter,google,pinterest,tumblr,print,mail” counters=”0″ counter_pos=”left” total_counter_pos=”left” hide_names=”no” fullwidth=”” fixedwidth=”” sidebar=”” sidebar_pos=”left” popup=”” float=”” template=”metro-retina”][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_separator][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_basic_grid max_items=”3″ orderby=”rand” item=”76259″ grid_id=”vc_gid:1439510979441-b2c3a774-b880-8″][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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