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Source: https://dessin.substack.com/feed

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?><rss xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" version="2.0" xmlns:itunes="http://www.itunes.com/dtds/podcast-1.0.dtd" xmlns:googleplay="http://www.google.com/schemas/play-podcasts/1.0"><channel><title><![CDATA[dessin]]></title><description><![CDATA[drawings / wips / current inspirations / fears / music / poetry / what i’m reading / what i’m thinking about etc etc]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com</link><image><url>https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_256,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fba05d36d-f37f-4b21-82ed-a3c0e76a6893_1200x1200.png</url><title>dessin</title><link>https://dessin.substack.com</link></image><generator>Substack</generator><lastBuildDate>Sun, 01 Jun 2025 14:33:28 GMT</lastBuildDate><atom:link href="https://dessin.substack.com/feed" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml"/><copyright><![CDATA[jess]]></copyright><language><![CDATA[en]]></language><webMaster><![CDATA[dessin@substack.com]]></webMaster><itunes:owner><itunes:email><![CDATA[dessin@substack.com]]></itunes:email><itunes:name><![CDATA[jess]]></itunes:name></itunes:owner><itunes:author><![CDATA[jess]]></itunes:author><googleplay:owner><![CDATA[dessin@substack.com]]></googleplay:owner><googleplay:email><![CDATA[dessin@substack.com]]></googleplay:email><googleplay:author><![CDATA[jess]]></googleplay:author><itunes:block><![CDATA[Yes]]></itunes:block><item><title><![CDATA[reasons for staying #6: getting crushed by a big bag of junk]]></title><description><![CDATA[make things so you don't have to pay for an expensive, more annoying version, dance with your friends, have awesome nightmares to tell people about]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/reasons-for-staying-6-getting-crushed</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/reasons-for-staying-6-getting-crushed</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 01 Jun 2025 13:51:43 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>hi welcome back to <em>reasons for staying</em>, which is my <strong>semi-regular <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autoethnography">autoethnography</a> for gratitude</strong>. 💛 I wrote about <strong>my nightmares, </strong>vibe-coding a <strong>frog-themed poetry app</strong>, and <strong>going to dance classes</strong>. Enjoy! 💞</p><div><hr></div><ul><li><p>I went to a hip hop dance class and we did a bunch of dropping to the floor and getting back up; I was lightheaded and when the instructor asked us to be more honest about how we were feeling instead of just saying, “Good,” someone said, “Nauseated,” and I said, “Lightheaded,” and felt my voice ring out almost childlike in the studio. While she was encouraging us on having done something difficult I felt like I was going to cry.</p></li><li><p>Biked past someone dragging an empty mail cart behind them shouting FUCK YOU [RACIAL SLURS] to everyone walking by, including aggressively flipping people off and holding the finger up to everyone in their line of vision for as physically long as possible. Biked past them without any comment - <strong>biker’s immunity?</strong></p></li><li><p>Almost got hit by a car turning left while I was going straight (on a green!!!) and yelled at them as they were driving away. <strong>Wished I had eggs to throw at their car</strong> but also don’t want to get killed by a driver in downtown Toronto.</p></li><li><p>Spent thirty minutes at a sleepover trying to make <strong>my face into RM’s face</strong> from BTS while everyone was shrieking laughing</p></li><li><p>Have been aggressively getting rid of things on Karrot. Sold a thrifted Zara blazer I never wore for the price I purchased it for years ago and then <strong>used the money to buy a pie and cheese at the market the next day</strong>. Like my friend L has been saying for a decade: <strong>bring back the barter system.</strong></p></li><li><p>My boyfriend and I were hanging out with a two year old playing a pretend Band-Aid eating game; she re-invented the gender binary with coloured band aids. When he kissed me she said, “Hey you can’t kiss!” and we were like, “Why?” and she was like, <strong>“You don’t have a Band-Aid!”</strong></p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png" width="1456" height="491" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":491,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1543728,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/161931197?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff884543f-f7a6-472f-b2a3-aeb9f4ab0869_3200x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">my poor boyfriend got a staph infection this month and I drew a comic about it</figcaption></figure></div><ul><li><p>Dreamt that <strong>my manager got crushed by a big bag of junk</strong> that a robber standing on his roof threw at him; I watched the whole horrific thing happen from a live feed in my house and was on the phone with 911 trying to explain what was happening. The operator told me later that he had died from being crushed by his bag of junk and then I woke up feeling so stressed. I cannot tell my manager about this dream.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/cda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":6761272,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/161931197?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcda9132d-b7ad-40e3-87e3-88b69b5825bb_1536x2048.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">daily comics from may</figcaption></figure></div></li><li><p>I’ve been trying to work without my phone nearby because enough is enough; I’ve been drawing lines on my leg for each time I feel the itch to reach for my phone or go searching for my phone, as if drawing on the prison wall. I have like 3 different apps on my phone to stop me from scrolling to avoid doing things I actually enjoy. Often, during the workday, I come to standing a slight distance from my desk, realizing I’ve gotten up to look for my phone. It’s like wading through a hazy dream, but <strong>this is my life under big phone.</strong></p></li></ul><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">join me in my hazy dream down with big phone etc etc</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><ul><li><p>Been obsessed with the Luna Cioc crunchy cookie — it’s a crunchy moon-shaped shortbread with cornflakes and chocolate chips. It looks like this:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg" width="151" height="151" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/fee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1000,"width":1000,"resizeWidth":151,"bytes":null,"alt":"LunaCioc","title":null,"type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="LunaCioc" title="LunaCioc" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffee8fa45-f1ac-420a-a779-dc2ad8b0e01e_1000x1000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">perhaps now you will understand why I obsessively eat these</figcaption></figure></div></li><li><p><strong>I can usually tell when there’s going to be a gay kiss in a movie.</strong> Don’t ask me how, I can just sense it. This is different than real life gaydar.<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a></p></li><li><p>I’ve been experiencing nightmares and low grade insomnia just about every night, so I’ve started to document my nightmares in the hopes of a) finding insights b) laughing at them. so far some nightmares that have woken me up in the night: a <strong>red bug was attacking me</strong> and I only had a picture frame to defend myself with, I was talking a girl down in my bathroom from <strong>calling the cops on me</strong>, I <strong>forgot to invite people to my last-minute wedding</strong> and nobody was going to come, <strong>I read sad Instagram comments</strong> about my middle school classmate’s brother. Somebody invite me to their writer’s room.</p></li><li><p>I could not avoid the vibecoding train for any longer; over the weekend I poked around Claude so it could help me make <em>FrogPad</em>, which is basically a simplified notetaking program so that I can jot down poetry ideas freeform and make collages without being restricted by the chronological, linear scroll of most word processors. It doesn’t work very well. <strong>I am driven to do many things out of being cheap and not wanting to pay for a Microsoft subscription.</strong></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png" width="1456" height="813" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":813,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":109787,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/161931197?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F11a3feb9-156f-46e0-aba8-a7f317f027c3_1634x912.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div></li><li><p>At dance classes I film myself in the hopes that in a few months from now I’ll be so impressed and motivated by my progress. For now, I faithfully film myself, pat myself on the back for going, appreciate the tonic effect of movement, and make myself go again next week. Sometimes watching yourself struggle to dance is a form of self harm. I’d include the recording but don’t think the world needs to see that right now.</p></li><li><p>Went to my gay movie club (we watched Hot Pursuit with Reese Witherspoon and Sofia Vergara) and 3/4 of us came with me beforehand to dance class. There was infighting: one of my friends pointed at the one friend who didn’t come right after we invited him to come, and said, <strong>“I don’t think you have good coordination.”</strong> </p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4f534846-62e4-4e0a-add0-6405c76cd5a1_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d46cc32d-d9d7-49f6-8603-3e5658a44452_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/1d0b5886-69c9-419b-88ff-09b97ccae587_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/907b1048-a6c7-45ed-9415-71d8730a9ce7_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/43bf7398-7afa-497b-942b-2610240f76af_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/86b74954-6bad-4772-85c3-571b221e5d72_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7f073d4f-5b3e-460a-bd43-f4de7558a7b7_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/06d58917-6e5f-48cb-80dd-73222df34f04_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/01b62a2d-835f-448a-9889-10bc84c4af09_1536x2048.jpeg"}],"caption":"from left to right: he's returning for REAL this time!!! / helping out in the garden i.e., building barricades that won't work against mice but probably will against rabbits / kalbi that I made after watching an hour of reels and feeling empowered, but at the cost of watching an hour of reels / petting a fat garfield type cat that appeared in our line of vision / chicken + dashi soup with napa and udon / a free cake that was at a vintage sale that marlowe granados was at but i was too shy to say that I liked her writing. anyway / street mouse with a fat dart / cyanotype workshop! / my brother's insane sock cart on wheels","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/519554ea-60be-4e50-94f4-d7db79b39ae6_1456x1454.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p></p></li><li><p><em>This is Lorelei</em>’s 202 album <em><strong>Box for Buddy, Box for Star</strong></em>, which is marvelous: </p><iframe class="spotify-wrap album" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b2735df409c6f866c32ca4c2374e","title":"Box for Buddy, Box for Star","subtitle":"This Is Lorelei","description":"Album","url":"https://open.spotify.com/album/3wSIO65dy3pAoBjKBybOcV","belowTheFold":false,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/album/3wSIO65dy3pAoBjKBybOcV" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe></li><li><p>Popped by a street vintage sale where everyone was tall and beautiful and were saying things like, “This is so 1950s Miu Miu,” and being met with many enthusiastic agreements. My coworker B who loves luxury fashion was mad at this comment because Miu Miu was born in 1993. I bought a shirt that said GIRLS ROCK! for $20.</p></li><li><p>I’m trying to move in the direction of organic + unfolding these days instead of a ‘system’. I’ve spent many years researching and coming up with systems for myself, particularly productivity systems. Instead I think I should be taking a page out of <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Henrik Karlsson","id":850764,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1d2b2afe-5da5-4bd4-9f1f-a2ec569d9dda_2048x1536.jpeg","uuid":"6a307a52-3a37-4659-a274-fd4b90e560f5"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>’s book and pursuing a gentle unfolding. What am I already doing that I like, what am I already doing that works? And to push down that direction for momentum and insight instead of trying to optimize my life. </p></li><li><p>I can tell it’s summer because my <strong>upstairs neighbours have started to throw real life garbage over their balcony.</strong> This has, insanely, been ongoing and is apparently a building wide problem. I have a ton of trash on my balcony just from my neighbours. Some solutions that my coworkers have provided: </p><ul><li><p>Write a really kind note about how the trash is ruining my garden and personal space and make them feel so guilty they stop.</p></li><li><p><strong>Purchase invasive insects and throw them upstairs ruining all of their plants for life.</strong> Korean moms of toddlers who garden are ruthless.</p></li></ul></li><li><p>My time with layered hair is over — went back to a bob a couple weeks ago and am really liking it. I’m mistaken often as a lesbian, to the point where one of my old coworkers, when I told her I was dating someone, squealed and said, <strong>“What’s her name?!”</strong> </p></li><li><p><strong>Maintain this level of confidence this summer:</strong> </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png" width="663" height="415" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":415,"width":663,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":240512,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/161931197?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c265ed6-ece4-4658-940c-31a643a7623f_663x415.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div></li></ul><p>that’s all for this month <3 thanks for reading as always. MAINTAIN YOUR VIBE AND CONFIDENCE!!!</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">subscribe for more lists, comics, working with the window open, and essays about making whatever you want</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>this was about Hot Pursuit (2015) dir. Anne Fletcher</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[what I learned when I stopped trying to be good at art]]></title><description><![CDATA[pick a forgiving medium, then keep going]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/what-i-learned-when-i-stopped-trying</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/what-i-learned-when-i-stopped-trying</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 12 May 2025 00:48:52 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>For the last three months I have been drawing a comic about my day, every day. For some reason, it remains an undisciplined, uncomplicated project that continues to bring me joy. It is easy, even. This is more mystifying by the fact that I have failed countless times to develop any kind of 'creative practice' in my adult life. This repetitive, unimpressive failure is what I am familiar with:</p><p>Have you ever crawled away from some aspirational hobby or work or souped up basement project, wounded and pissed off about the state of your creative mind, ashamed by your shabby discipline, convinced of your pathetic self, like me, dumping the pastels under the coffee table, dragging home a $25 dollar electric typewriter purchased off Facebook Marketplace in a fit of agency before leaving it to gather dust on my living room floor — has that ever been you?</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg" width="1265" height="1500" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1500,"width":1265,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":322199,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/jpeg","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fff8e19f1-769f-4b01-8bcd-739c815d3413_1265x1500.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">John Moore, <em>Quitting Time,</em> 2015. Oil on linen. </figcaption></figure></div><p>For years prior, I have tried similar undertakings and experiments with the question of, what would happen if I drew every day? Even in earlier sketchbooks — that question, drawn out hopefully, and 6-month long gaps in between where it goes unanswered. Like, literally look:</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/2fcab981-7ff3-493c-935e-e9c046d6ea6e_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/3d0cbc66-d206-43a1-948b-68708cc6fb67_1536x2048.jpeg"}],"caption":"aug 24 2023 and mar 7 2024. years go by!","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/847f699b-c7f2-451c-9e21-7e5bf3a11176_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p>My belief was that a lot of interesting and unpredictable things would happen to me if I started drawing every day. I believe, and still do, that doing something creative every day that feels important to you will propel you towards some unknown, brilliant direction. Still I have failed hundreds of times at trying to draw every day. And now I do it, easily. This is a list of thoughts that attempts to deconstruct why. This is also the longer, more developed form of a talk I first gave at <a href="https://x.com/newsystems_/status/1914809049213706543">New Works in Progress</a>. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg" width="1456" height="971" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":971,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":null,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F77bfaae4-99a5-4280-a027-2baa21f2bc87_6000x4000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">talking about comics!</figcaption></figure></div><p>The main ideas are picking a forgiving medium that you are okay with producing crappy work in. And then sustaining momentum over time. A series of events stopped me from falling off drawing comics when I was at risk: I showed some friends and they liked the comics, my boyfriend wanted to see them every day. I left the sketchbook open on the coffee table so I'd see it beckoning. Eventually the process became less about drawing comics and more about noticing joy. </p><p>This post has a lot of pictures (yay!), but that means that to view the whole thing, you'll need to read this outside of your email. You can read the full post by clicking on the post title if you're reading this in email. </p><h1>ways to develop a daily creative practice</h1><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":338361,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3e4c2098-a7ea-485f-ad9d-0128330779a1_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/b35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":61070,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb35f9125-0ca1-447f-a0e3-12ebba0d3cc1_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><h2>pick a forgiving medium</h2><ol><li><p>Before landing on comics, I considered what creative practice would be sustainable. I've tried to write daily poems before. I've tried to make daily illustrations. I like a lot of different mediums. <strong>But different mediums have different costs.</strong> Throwing clay on the wheel — you have to commute to a studio, you learn how to throw, you have to buy clay, you figure out how to dispose of it. Drawing by hand, though, you can do on the coffee table in between work meetings with dollar store pens. <strong>Comics can be like poetry — they are economical in energy and time.</strong> You can write poetry on the train, on your phone while waiting in line. Like Audre Lorde said:</p></li></ol><blockquote><p>Of all the art forms, poetry is the most economical. It is the one which is the most secret, which requires the least physical labor, the least material, and the one which can be done between shifts, in the hospital pantry, on the subway, and on scraps of surplus paper. Over the last few years, writing a novel on tight finances, I came to appreciate the enormous differences in the material demands between poetry and prose. — <em><strong>Audre Lorde</strong>, Sister Outsider</em></p></blockquote><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":800485,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a5638ac-ecae-49cf-a892-426c33245a5e_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><ol start="2"><li><p>Comics are interesting, too, because there is a lot to play with, even when you are an amateur. It is a very forgiving medium, different from a crappy painting or a crappy song. <strong>Comics are uniquely forgiving</strong>:</p><ol><li><p><strong>Frames, borders, dialogue, speech, sound, illustration, sequence, time: </strong>there are a lot of things you can fall back on if you're not sure what to talk about, not sure what to draw, not sure how to draw. You can still write, you can still tell a story. </p></li><li><p><strong>Comics can be crappy:</strong> Let's just say if you watched a movie where all the characters just talked in a kitchen to each other the entire movie you'd have one camp putting the movie in their Letterboxd Top 4 movies of all time and another camp calling it a plotless gratuitous jerkoff and you should kill yourself if you enjoyed it. The movie gets a 98% on Rotten Tomatoes for some reason. With a crappy comic, you're like, okay I forgive you. This is redeemable and so are you.</p></li><li><p><strong>There is a certain generosity in receiving a comic. </strong>Even you think they are bad, or pointless, you can still enjoy them. A bunch of my comics are just about the meals I made or ate that day. Not even good meals. And yet, stacked up with all the other comics I've drawn from the week they form some kind of mural that makes me stunned to look at. I am living. I have been through time just like the rest of you.</p></li></ol></li></ol><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png" width="745" height="777" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":777,"width":745,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1066195,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4c749c68-c4b0-4ff3-9929-a3815da0da65_745x777.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">so many pages of comics!</figcaption></figure></div><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1530958,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd5cafd30-cd41-4543-889c-b5b602dd9bc4_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><ol start="3"><li><p>I love to laugh. I think it is one of the most important things you can do as a human being. It is sometimes the only way you can make sense of what is going on. And sometimes the only way to face anger, sorrow, shame, futility. In therapy, I am wiping my snot and then laughing. I couldn't find the tinfoil two days ago (hidden under the parchment paper) and started crying out of stress, and then laughed about it right after while my boyfriend held me. Humour allows you to access truths you might not otherwise be able to access. You suffer, you laugh, then you admit: it's funny because it's true!</p></li></ol><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1121508,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3df2c59a-f90d-4e27-8974-dbb4f62d8e81_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><ol start="4"><li><p><strong>Comics allow you to access a 'different register' of thinking or expression, almost intuitively:</strong> I could just as well have written something about how much I love music, or how music gets things across, etc. etc. but instead I drew this comic. It resonates differently than if I were to just tell you about my love for music or what music accomplishes. Instead you just get the point because we're already talking to each other across the comic.</p></li></ol><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">subscribe for biweekly emails about creative practice, comics, and many many lists 💞</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><ol start="5"><li><p>This is like the idea of accessing a different register in poetry. <a href="https://vimeo.com/72060156">Li Young Lee talked about this at the Kundiman retreat</a>:</p></li></ol><blockquote><p>"Suddenly, when we hear poetry, that's a different bandwidth. <strong>We would never hear that bandwidth if it weren't for poetry…</strong>That's one of the services of poetry. We get to hear what the human mind sounds like when it's fused, when it's inhabited, <strong>by powers bigger than itself.</strong>" — <em><strong>Li Young Lee</strong></em></p></blockquote><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":223911,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe700c6ac-32a0-4db2-8b5a-0aadf575267a_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><ol start="6"><li><p>A great example of poetry accessing a different register: <em><strong>Gregory Orr's</strong></em> <em>To Be Alive</em>, merely a five-line poem. When he was 12 Orr shot and killed his younger brother in a hunting accident; certainly there could have been a thousand ways to express what he is expressing here. And yet — this is the best, no, the <strong>only way</strong> he could have expressed this feeling. I could tell you that life is important, wrap things up in a metaphor, tell you point blank that joy is the point of it all, and still those feel cheap compared to just reading the fucking poem. Sometimes the form is how you get across the river.</p></li></ol><p>So yes, picking a medium can make a great big difference, with their own nuances and costs. <strong>What are you able to realistically sustain, and how can you begin to sustain that practice over time?</strong></p><h2>create and maintain momentum, discipline, and joy</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/a294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":123801,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa294b85e-a7f1-4eb0-a1cd-96b53bbf05ec_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Over the course of my experiment, I kept drawing because I had momentum. Some things that helped with creating and maintaining this momentum:</p><ol><li><p><strong>Drawing by hand in a notebook keeps you from stopping:</strong> I can't undo when I make a mistake. I can only keep moving forward, draw over pen lines, colour things in, work through mistakes. This forces you to keep moving forward with the work.</p></li><li><p><strong>Don't avoid mistakes:</strong> My sketchbook is full of mistakes. I make a mistake almost every time I draw a daily comic. The stakes are not high. I only need to complete it. It doesn't need to be good. Failed work, actually, is essential:</p></li></ol><blockquote><p>"The function of the overwhelming majority of your artwork is simply to teach you how to make the small fraction of your artwork that soars. One of the basic and difficult lessons every artist must learn is that <strong>even the failed pieces are essential.</strong> X-rays of famous paintings reveal that even master artists sometimes made basic mid-course corrections (or deleted really dumb mistakes) by overpainting the still-wet canvas. <strong>The point is that you learn how to make your work by making your work,</strong> and a great many of the pieces you make along the way will never stand out as finished art. The best you can do is make art you care about — and lots of it!" <em><strong>David Bayles & Ted Orland, </strong>Art and Fear</em></p></blockquote><ol start="3"><li><p><strong>Look at proof of your work:</strong> Drawing in a sketchbook is immediate feedback. Every day I draw a comic, I see the months' worth of comics before. So I’ve basically already done the majority of the work when I sit down to draw a daily comic. By drawing, you immediately add to your own personal canon. You want to see what comes next, so you draw. You want to see more comics, so you draw. The daily work becomes the necessary and intuitive step towards the next interesting thing you make. Holding a sketchbook in my hands full of comics is real proof.</p></li><li><p><strong>Doing the work teaches you how to do the work:</strong> Every day what you work on teaches you how to do the work that you need to do in the future. My work tomorrow is more informed by what I've done today. Annie Dillard talks about the blank page and how acting is better than not: </p></li></ol><blockquote><p>"The page, the page, that eternal blankness, the blankness of eternity which you cover slowly, affirming time’s scrawl as a right and your daring as necessity; the page, which you cover woodenly, ruining it, but asserting your freedom and power to act, <strong>acknowledging that you ruin everything you touch but touching it nevertheless, because acting is better than being here in mere opacity;</strong> the page, which you cover slowly with the crabbed thread of your gut<strong><a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a>;</strong> the page in the purity of its possibilities; the page of your death, against which you pit such flawed excellences as you can muster with all your life’s strength: <strong>that page will teach you to write.</strong>" <em><strong>Annie Dillard, </strong></em><strong>The Writing Life</strong></p></blockquote><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":811694,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5ee56845-706c-40a9-9438-f0b550c6054c_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><ol start="5"><li><p><strong>I didn't really mean to, but I got better without trying.</strong> The top comic is one of the first comics I ever drew. The second one is a couple months later. I didn't really set out with improving my sense of composition, comedic timing, expressions, line quality, colour, etc. They just happened intuitively. The work teaches you.</p></li></ol><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1356206,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5bf0c0a5-a301-4452-b8d0-d7e4698ff4b4_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><ol start="6"><li><p>It has been unlike anything else to be able to see, in my own renderings, the moments from my life. They are not the most significant moments or sometimes even joys from the day. They are just a joy, a moment, that I chose, for some reason or another, to document. Over time these comics form a tapestry of the days, weeks, months. I am watching my existence write itself out, in joy, in style. It is like a personal photo album, but I made many more choices to get here. </p></li></ol><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":2317373,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F78f36b82-97ce-4bf5-ba1d-9428ca0e4aa2_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><ol start="7"><li><p><strong>Make for one specific audience:</strong> Of course, joy for yourself is still not foolproof. I have done a lot of things I enjoy that I've stopped. Your heart changes, you forget what used to bring you joy. <strong>It was only once I stated to draw with the reason of making my partner laugh every day did the act of drawing become routine, almost easy.</strong> My boyfriend moved in with me and I started drawing comics. Sometimes he sidles up to me, puppy-like, asking about when the next edition of his favourite comic’ll be ready. It became easy, almost unthinkable to not try to make him laugh. This is not that you shouldn’t make art for yourself. These comics are as much for me as for him. But I continue because they make him laugh.</p></li></ol><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":465696,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F43633252-554c-41c0-9e6f-f2966fca70da_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><ol start="8"><li><p>Perhaps that is the thing about discipline with creativity. <strong>The point is not to make something good every day.</strong> You will not make something good every day. Actually, most of the stuff you make will be kind of crappy. But it is essential to the work that you are going to make in the future. So to get there you have to make the crappy stuff now. You will miss some days when you are sick, when you are too tired or sad to continue. It doesn't matter. <strong>The path is still there; you pick up the pen and keep drawing.</strong> No one else will do it for you. No one else will get to feel all this joy. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1324025,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/162590052?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5a46184b-451f-4f84-b670-9af6a6ffe3ad_1500x1500.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div></li></ol><p>thank you for reading as always 💗</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption"></p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">subscribe for biweekly emails about creative practice, comics, and many many lists 💞</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>???? amazing phrase</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[advice: go take a piss]]></title><description><![CDATA[reasons for staying #5]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/advice-i-gave-to-a-crowd-go-take</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/advice-i-gave-to-a-crowd-go-take</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 21 Apr 2025 14:47:04 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>hi welcome back to <em>reasons for staying</em>, which is my <strong>semi-regular <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autoethnography">autoethnography</a> for gratitude</strong>. 💛 I wrote about <strong>unexpectedly drawing every day</strong> for the last two months, the benefits of <strong>creative co-working</strong>, what you should <strong>really do on international women’s day</strong>, and lots of <strong>drawings and images</strong> from the last month or so. Enjoy! 💞</p><div><hr></div><ul><li><p>I’ve drawn a little comic in my sketchbook nearly every day for the last two months after failing to, <strong>for 5 years in a row, despite desperately wanting to be consistent with drawing.</strong> My secret? My boyfriend begs me to see my daily comic every day so I have an actual reason to draw them: <strong>to try to make him laugh.</strong> This whole experiment has me thinking that if I want to be prolific with any medium, and prolific easily, I should just find <strong>one specific audience</strong> desperate for me to share with them: to listen to me play music, to read all my writing, shitty as it is…the Artist’s Way abundance lesson is getting to me. And for good!!!</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":6240310,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/158873993?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8862866b-6575-45ff-905d-741ea96ed522_1536x2048.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">daily comics from march</figcaption></figure></div></li><li><p>I did a talk on the process and learnings from drawing daily comics at New Stadium’s <a href="https://x.com/newsystems_/status/1909607338257850580">New Works in Progress</a>, a speaker series all about what you’re learning from what you’re currently working on — it was so much fun to talk about this and draw comics live with everyone.<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a> During the Q&A I talked about <strong>pissing in the toilet as an accessible solution</strong> when you’re in a creative rut. I’ll probably share the talk as a separate post. Thanks so much to Tommy for inviting me to speak 🍀</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":4795478,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/158873993?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F09226a3a-af2c-47cf-a9e5-9a3523d9b2b0_1536x2048.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">chatting about drawing comics while drawing comics</figcaption></figure></div></li><li><p>When we’re on the phone together and my boyfriend is driving home from work he calls me and sings <strong>Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae at 2x the speed</strong> and in a <strong>high pitched Elmo voice</strong>.</p></li><li><p>J was feeling sick; I revived the chicken soup recipe I made in the summer and it was blissful to cut carrots and celery with my knife that I sharpened, amateurishly (<strong>scuffs all over, doesn’t cut paper in one go like it does on YouTube, and I skinned the first layer off two of my fingers</strong>). </p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7a9ae3c7-7fc8-440e-a5bd-41c78ce5d959_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d540d6ba-0fb6-402e-b4a8-2c228cc625f8_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/af9e8579-3582-4518-9a07-be55d65abe4f_4000x3000.jpeg"}],"caption":"the beautiful colours of chicken soup","alt":"three photos of chicken soup","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/3eb9c02a-00cb-4de5-b9cf-1deb7d76e1cf_1456x474.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div></li><li><p>I’ve been thinking that I should <strong>email people more</strong>; long winded emails, short emails, anything but the instant message.</p></li><li><p>I was finally able to take up <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"kel","id":4172206,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/75b7be76-82f4-41f4-9cec-ac240271e11f_1168x1170.jpeg","uuid":"ea7a9d4d-802d-4d50-97dc-e6c5b25d5141"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>’s offer to come to a <strong>CREATIVE COWORKING</strong> Sunday and it was VERY enriching, productive, and surprisingly NOT DIFFICULT. I associate creative work in adulthood with gritting my teeth and forcing myself through it. Reading the Artist’s Way and going to community events like this are slowly changing my belief that art is difficult - rather, <strong>some of my favourite things I’ve made or written came easily and intuitively</strong>. I just <strong>turned on the tap and held a cup underneath</strong>: instead of spurting, poisonous liquid, <strong>a clear stream.</strong></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png" width="1456" height="491" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":491,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1463477,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/158873993?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3a927fa6-40c6-4144-8505-0b6fa30010d4_3200x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">the comic i drew from my last creative coworking session! i feel like i am able to make more decisions about colour now than before. which is a good feeling!</figcaption></figure></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">subscribe for more comics about farting</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div></li><li><p>The <em>War on Drugs</em> is one of my favourite bands. Everything they make sounds good, like <strong>pushing through a clear tide</strong> and being able to see <strong>every grain of sand, the occasional star</strong>. It’s not music to get hyped up to (unless you are maybe a father), but I feel very connected to the network of energy around us when I listen to them. As woo-woo as that sounds.</p></li><li><p>I <strong>benefit greatly from structure when it comes to learning</strong>. I’ve been thinking about how to read poetry more immersively — spending more time with the same writer and their entire body of work so that I can see how their thinking and style have developed over time, like <strong>listening to someone’s full discography</strong>. It would be cool to spend a month reading all of <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Ross Gay","id":171689364,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7573cc1a-1089-4cd8-bc04-0dd0ccfc24a2_866x854.png","uuid":"fc3dc089-6a6a-49cb-9c4d-d00fb26f7c05"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>’s poems, but that’s because I love Ross Gay. </p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/0ed13d68-0178-4e8f-a52f-407d9bcbdf3a_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/324a2302-6780-4720-88fc-692b1b4dbf28_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/35deb515-b459-4e93-a023-590a9aa37cc9_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/72601bac-eb6a-4bcd-98fb-2678709e01ec_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/51c994b6-3b3c-4b25-a06b-4b9423a3ec58_2992x2992.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/97210e64-dc7a-48f6-acec-d14e9ccd0642_3392x2544.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/6e00f6b0-1aa4-489b-a8ac-3e4c8ea40844_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/1a60d5a9-83af-4374-9d05-087e84b5cc61_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e22060bd-0435-49c2-8b6e-1843abd81cda_4000x3000.jpeg"}],"caption":"steamed rice dish that i had to make twice because of rice safety rules / lunch box bowl i made for our friend / coworking at new stadium! / my boyfriend's grade school colouring assignment. he did not gaf / breakfast of champions / dog i see every time im at the gym / frog incense? i want to learn how to make things like this / new friends drawing comics after i did my talk about comics (sob) / creative coworking AGAIN !!!!!!!","alt":"frog","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/658398d1-43e5-4eea-a30a-9a3e4e7d1d7c_1456x1454.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div></li><li><p>my friend <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Chris Mohan","id":36944210,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d4ee6398-a1f5-4385-8b32-045d752b673c_640x640.jpeg","uuid":"98242820-b0ca-43eb-99b6-1cabfee0f4b9"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> transferred me $50 on international women’s day. <strong>Direct action doesn’t get any better than this.</strong></p></li><li><p>I bought Country Harvest Everything bagels from the grocery store (first time buying bagels in my life deliberately to be honest) and they were unbelievably delicious toasted with some <strong>cream cheese and coppa from the market.</strong> I ate a whole sheet of coppa for lunch with the bagel. </p></li><li><p>every time I’m doing something <strong>odd or strange</strong> at home my boyfriend asks if this is another part of my Artist’s Way homework.</p></li><li><p>I had to replace my work laptop recently and this resulted in me losing a bunch of apps that helped me make slides since they are no longer on the list of approved applications at work, so now I have to do everything manually as if in the Stone Ages. Unfortunately this sent me on a <strong>rage bender at work</strong> so when a manager I was helping out on the side messaged me <strong>“Hi Jessica” without providing context of his ask I crashed out.</strong></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png" width="482" height="218" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/a99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":218,"width":482,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":21383,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/158873993?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa99fa4d2-157a-4f91-9d3d-10b38fa9a158_482x218.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">i’ll admit this was not the politest way to respond</figcaption></figure></div></li><li><p>I learned about this phenomenon called <strong>misdirected aggression</strong>, which can manifest in housecats in unbelievable ways; my friend’s cat Smudge, upon seeing or hearing any scrap of sound from a stray cat outside, will track down any living thing in their house (i.e., her or her mom) and <strong>sink his teeth into their leg</strong> while screeching. She showed me a <strong>puncture scar on her leg the size of a quarter</strong>. I was screaming listening to this story.</p></li><li><p>Magdalena Bay Imaginal Disk album. Maybe one of my favourite albums of the year so far!</p><iframe class="spotify-wrap album" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b2735a2ff617de4e51a9a214b56a","title":"Imaginal Disk","subtitle":"Magdalena Bay","description":"Album","url":"https://open.spotify.com/album/4HTy9WFTYooRjE9giTmzAF","belowTheFold":false,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/album/4HTy9WFTYooRjE9giTmzAF" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe></li><li><p>Went to see A Minecraft Movie. Was not good at all. We left my boyfriend’s brother alone for <strong>2 minutes</strong> and when we found him he was inexplicably <strong>winning huge bouncy balls from a claw machine</strong> at the theatre and saying he was going to do exercise on them (they were not exercise balls)</p></li><li><p>I’ve been inundated with messaging (from the world, probably because of starting the Artist’s Way) to just share my work as it is. To work <a href="https://notes.andymatuschak.org/Work_with_the_garage_door_up">with the window open</a>, basically, because it invites community, collaboration, and possibility into your creative life. In other words I am thinking of getting back onto social media to share some work. And that includes being more consistent with this blog!</p></li></ul><p>thanks for reading as always :) see u next time</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">support my work and my work-related crash outs</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><ul><li><p>Someone also said, verbally, “type shit type shit” next to me in the middle of someone else’s presentation so I learned that people actually say that in real life. Stop it. Get help.</p></li></ul><p></p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[the worst thing you've ever done thinking you were on mute]]></title><description><![CDATA[reasons for staying #4]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/the-worst-thing-youve-ever-done-thinking</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/the-worst-thing-youve-ever-done-thinking</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 10 Mar 2025 13:02:08 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>hi welcome to reasons for staying, which is basically my <strong>semi-regular <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autoethnography">autoethnography</a> for gratitude</strong>. 💛</p><div><hr></div><ul><li><p>After a little flight cancellation fiasco on the way home from Korea I found myself wobbling with two 40lb suitcases on the airport shuttle trying to get to the right terminal to talk to staff. We arrived at the terminal, I fell as if in a slapstick show, with a goofy “WOAAAAHH!” and frightened a middle-aged man, who said, “oh my gosh. oh my gosh. please be careful,” and then rushed to a cart to get it for me to help me with my suitcases. Very kind <3</p></li></ul><ul><li><p>Honestly I think anyone can learn languages and it’s probably similar to anything else - you may or may not have an aptitude for it (I certainly don’t) but I think consistency goes a long way. I like <a href="https://refold.la">this resource</a> that breaks down some of Krashen’s theory for language learning and have found it to be really helpful personally</p></li><li><p>Sitting in a newly tidied house feels AMAZING. But getting to the tidied house is sometimes not worth the grief and distraction from actually doing things that make my life better / get me closer to goals. What is the threshold of tidiness that works for you? I am realizing that, just like my mom, I clean as a way to get something done when feeling stressed and anxious because it’s within my control and there is an endless well of escape routes to tidy my way away from discomfort. Anyway, my therapist told me to leave dirty dishes in the sink. REAL!</p></li><li><p>Being jetlagged and so sleepy at 7pm is like having your head held underwater by god</p></li><li><p>Speaking of god I’m not really religious. But the Artist’s Way keeps referring to God so now I’m kind of used to just talking to them like, are you serious. Oh this is a sign from you right. Hey can you send some money my way</p></li><li><p>listened to this last month:</p><iframe class="spotify-wrap playlist" data-attrs="{"image":"https://mosaic.scdn.co/640/ab67616d00001e020f637f25420018b5c6db0835ab67616d00001e0262f192027b79f85cdfcf594aab67616d00001e029a9c4cd69a6f514dfbb7305aab67616d00001e02af9595cf1e7c108452ae86a5","title":"feb 2025","subtitle":"By jjxle","description":"Playlist","url":"https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0ETRUdvLBYzvIv86mqK4Tg","belowTheFold":false,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/playlist/0ETRUdvLBYzvIv86mqK4Tg" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe></li></ul><ul><li><p> I am turning into my dad falling asleep at movie theatres; I went to see <em><strong>Il Grido</strong></em> dir. <strong>Michelangelo Antonioni</strong> (1957) because it was free and it was one of my scheduled ‘<a href="https://lithub.com/looking-to-nurture-your-artistic-self-go-on-an-artist-date/">artist dates</a>’. I kept thinking about the chord progression of this one piano song playing in it. Anyway I fell asleep in the movie when Aldo was meeting his 2nd girlfriend and then woke up and there was a 3rd girlfriend and then I became confused and wondered if I was still sleeping</p></li><li><p>I played Jackbox games for the first time and one of the activities we were all getting really into was coming up with a name and backstory for these antiques we were supposed to flip for profit for this wizard guy. We were also frogs and the winner (me of course) would get to become human again. Everyone was having so much fun but perhaps I remind you that this wizard we are working for put us in the trap in the first place…wake up.</p></li><li><p>In a moment of weakness I bought “Oat Nog” from the grocery store because it was less than $2. It smells like crayons. And is not good. Follow your desires though</p></li><li><p>I’m going a little crazy with saving courses on Coursera that I want to take. It kind of thrills me that I can just learn whatever I want for a pretty affordable price. My dad was lecturing me on how I need to use all the tools at my disposal to learn anything and not to be scared of learning but it’s actually true. Anyway I asked to get this expensed at work under ‘client related learning opportunities’. But that’s as far as big daddy’s wallet stretches; I have to pay for my own Figma subscription :(</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">speaking of subscription subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my troubled note taking :)</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><p></p></li><li><p>On the way through a faregate on my way to work I kept running into this old man with a knitted grey beanie who was going the other way so we stumbled into this little dance going back and forth back and forth and he smiled a big wrinkly smile </p></li><li><p>My old roommate C and I started reading club up again and so many people showed up. We got kicked out of the bookshop/bar so we went to a big library branch that closed late and it was the perfect place to read, with big glossy yellow tables and floors with books all over</p></li><li><p>Having a subway system (despite its major flaws! and I have seen them up close!) is very convenient and I love it</p></li><li><p>I’ve been eating a consecutive series of depraved meals trying to use up the smoked sausage in my fridge<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a>, which mostly involves me either microwaving them like hotdogs or blasting them in the air fryer, after which I add some kind of carb and lettuce but it doesn’t disguise the hotdog, which is garish in its pinkness and obviousness. and then I send the meal to my boyfriend</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/bb38be31-f7a8-48dc-aff8-ecf2ef854686_1080x1228.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/fd43a51d-efe1-45ef-9540-a8773b6b2b89_1080x1250.jpeg"}],"caption":"lol","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/31769fa2-7d05-4c13-bd65-5e28e155f2dc_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div></li><li><p>I went to a game-show themed birthday party where I ran into a mutual acquaintance, who asked me what I was doing for work these days. When I said I work in consulting he immediately turned around and walked away from me exiting the conversation.</p></li><li><p>Salads with carbs inside are really delicious lol. I sit there clutching the huge bowl eating in a daze</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":4071054,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/jpeg","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F642c1ea2-b014-49f2-ad5c-75d8a98add03_4000x3000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div></li><li><p>I went to a ballet class with my coworkers yesterday and during an Arabesque kicked the other newbie in the arm; when we tried doing a pirouette she slipped and all the water in her mouth burst out at me in one gigantic spurt. I tried to keep my laughter in and failed in the middle of the big, resonant dance studio.</p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1926361,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/heic","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/153050663?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9129c92c-ba23-4ca0-8264-bdbd85750146_4284x5712.heic 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">COWORKER BALLET!!!! you can tell who the regulars are by their shoes …</figcaption></figure></div><ul><li><p>Had a dream I was choking out a little Chinese boy because he and his dad were siphoning money from our family while we were all waiting in line at the airport</p></li><li><p>Pooped 4 times at the office in one morning</p></li><li><p>Recently my boyfriend has been patting me on the back and doing big deep breaths with me when I am stressed. It works extremely well. There are probably more tricks that work well for kids that also work well for adults. My therapist says our nervous system is always like a baby so we have to be okay with babying it sometimes</p></li><li><p>Freezing part of cookie dough or fridging it to bake the next day means you can have fresh cookies on hand whenever</p></li><li><p>I babysat my friend’s cat Mayo and he would always lie down next to me til I fell asleep and then would walk away in the night like a spirit only to launch his little body onto my chest in the night and would always wake me up. During those 4 days I had a glimpse of what being a parent of a newborn was like and those drenched, goopy days of sleep deprivation frightened me deeply. </p></li><li><p>Found out I can’t get glasses despite having insurance because I needed to hit a ‘maximum spend’ amount before I’m allowed to be covered again. Who designed this policy, and what’s your address?</p></li><li><p>Dreamt that one of our clients on my new project was brutally murdered (he works in finance) and his face was plastered all over the news. I told my project team about this dream and nobody laughed. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png" width="1031" height="312" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":312,"width":1031,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":17152,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/153050663?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F70b7033f-ae80-4ee8-b62f-e33ba8eff52e_1031x312.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div></li><li><p>Been saying ‘got kik?’ to my boyfriend to get a rise out of him. Have never used Kik or even looked at it really.</p></li><li><p>Was laughing with a coworker (ballet spitter) about how during her internship she was playing Animal Crossing at full volume during a training meeting and was not on mute, so everyone heard her digging for bugs in Animal Crossing for 15 min straight. </p></li><li><p>I’ve been thinking of teaching piano to kids in my building as a way to earn some extra income and also hang out with kids. I’ve been thinking a lot about money these days — Julia Cameron has much to say about doing art you like and how money will come if you go in the direction of your creativity. </p></li><li><p>I ate with my boyfriend (he is half Ecuadorian) and his brothers at a Mexican restaurant this weekend and when he got up to use the bathroom someone asked HEY CAN WE GET SOME HOT SAUCE and he said I don’t work here man</p></li><li><p>I’ve been trying to lighten the vibe and tell some jokes in my project team chat but so far I’ve just been eating shit</p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png" width="458" height="505" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/a0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":505,"width":458,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":28028,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":"https://dessin.substack.com/i/153050663?img=https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png","isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa0f4ed06-f892-4939-8485-0b085e1914aa_458x505.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">even I can’t explain to you what I was trying to do here, but you can read this and maybe it will make you feel better about your self. < 3</figcaption></figure></div><ul><li><p>It’s true that power in any increment makes you pathetic. I committed election fraud gleefully; I run a book club at work and for the first time we voted on member-sourced picks. The winner won by 1 vote but I had read the book before and thought it was boring and annoying so I cooked the books and picked the 2nd place book that I wanted everyone to read instead. idgaf</p></li></ul><p>that’s all for now 💗 until next time or until I have another offensive dream :)</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks for reading as always. to get more RIGHT FROM THE SOURCE, pop your email below :)</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>happening to me again btw.</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[set dumb goals, not SMART ones]]></title><description><![CDATA[why you should have ambiguous new year's resolutions]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/set-dumb-goals-not-smart-ones</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/set-dumb-goals-not-smart-ones</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 08 Feb 2025 20:24:35 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Instead of SMART goals I am setting DUMB goals this year. Perhaps this story is familiar to you — setting ambitious, specific resolutions at the start of the year that you can really visualize, imagining your blingy future with a cool job, everyone wants a cool job, a balanced breakfast, getting your hands dirty in SELF ACTUALIZATION and EXPERIMENTATION, and time passes and life happens and you do your best but find yourself scratching your head at the end of the year in a Costco wondering where it all went wrong. I'm here to tell you nothing's going wrong. The structure is faulty.</p><h2>smart goals failed me and they have probably failed you too </h2><p>SMART goals look like a viable solution for an individual to accomplish something. But they do not work how you want them to. This has less to do with you being a poorly disciplined person and more to do with the framework's inherent rigidity. It's too stiff to accommodate the slippery idiosyncrasies of life. It's a sleight of hand the business world has flipped at us; yet project management does not equate human living. Yes, you may want to start running every day. But you go outside and there's a neighbour to be helped, or a downpour slides its heavy throat down the street, or there are flowers. And what do you do about the flowers? </p><p>I bought into SMART goals because they made me feel like they were working. Progress seems so clear. It is measurable. It is unambiguous by design. I'd identify something I wanted to accomplish, make it concrete, and then make some kind of mild progress towards that concrete metric, but I was walking toward a mirror image of my actual desire. </p><p>My buy-in to SMART goals was pushed along, too, by my first full-time job in management consulting. Everything was framework, everything was optimization. During my early months of full time I even asked my therapists about how I might 'expedite' my healing.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png" width="1456" height="524" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":524,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1338580,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F512f51e7-4c10-423c-9d3f-2bfff0129dc5_3000x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">I illustrated this based on a conversation I had with one of my old therapists</figcaption></figure></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Thanks for reading dessin! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><p>The <a href="https://www.atlassian.com/blog/productivity/how-to-write-smart-goals">SMART goal framework</a> consists of the following pillars<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a>:</p><ul><li><p>Specific</p></li><li><p>Measurable </p></li><li><p>Achievable</p></li><li><p>Relevant</p></li><li><p>Time-Bound</p></li></ul><p>In my years of using SMART goals I would duplicate this approach across my entire life to create a rigorous, project-management system to manage all of my desires. I never accomplished everything I wanted to do, but I accomplished some I attributed the remaining failures to being human (i.e., sitting on the couch and eating chips with your roommates instead of writing the next great American novel, or reading an amazing book instead of doing your homework, or dropping off soup at your sick friend's house.) But it is actually a failure of the system. Let's talk about why.</p><h3>SMART goals are too rigid for life's spontaneities</h3><p>Rigorous goal frameworks as a way to achieve desires have a key design flaw. They don't account for life's spontaneities, nor do they account for the natural unfolding that occurs when working towards something. They focus hungrily on the outcome, and the outcome alone. This is how we think about project management in client work. If something takes longer than expected, we adjust the scope or we sacrifice another work stream or we extend the timeline. I remember doing a lot of painful exercises to re-prioritize: what indulgences to cut out, what hobbies to scrap to maximize 'impact'. </p><p>With this framework, we have little room to question the goal itself. If I didn't submit poetry to 4 journals a month I'd either try to submit to 8 the next month or I'd accept submitting to less journals for the year. But then instead of adjusting my plans for the month I started this blog and started writing essays for fun, which has brought me much unplanned joy. </p><p>Under the SMART goal regime, I would turn away from actions that didn't serve my goals. I wouldn't play guitar if I wasn't actively learning technique. I would avoid reading a book unless I was in the right headspace to take notes. Why deny myself these pleasures for the sake of optimization, and a false definition of optimization at that?</p><p>And let's sit by the window and ponder on the things we truly ache to experience in our lives. Like learning to trust yourself more. Healing from some wound you only just realized existed inside you. Finding more joy in the small and everyday. Writing to answer and understand life's questions. Often goals that bring us the most peace and enjoyment resist structure. How to create a SMART goal for that?</p><h3>SMART goals focus on the joys of outcome, not the joys of progress</h3><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png" width="1080" height="1080" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/c4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1080,"width":1080,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":89897,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc4efd306-b0e8-4ecc-bab3-38dacaee2fc1_1080x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">progress vs. outcome …….</figcaption></figure></div><p>I stumbled into the world of productivity systems off the back of the Tumblr #bulletjournal community, where students take photos of libraries and share gorgeous spreads of their to-do lists. I was an active participant in this community in high school. Every week: I wake up, make a pretty spread after looking at inspiration online. I printed out pictures of K-POP idols at Staples to glue into my journal. I dutifully wrote my to-do lists each day. The next day I'd guiltily shuttle over half my to-do list to the next day because I hadn't accomplished all my tasks. And I pushed the boulder up that hill for years.</p><p>An outcome is a pretty poor measure of progress. The self is simply not a project to manage. The system I had designed for myself — a project management of the self, I guess — worked as simple, rational way to accomplish my goals, but I was ignoring the whole point of the exercise, which was to live a more fulfilling, enriching, and joyful life. </p><p>A requirement of the rational system is to look at a half-completed progress bar and ask, how might we get that bar to 100%? When we should instead be asking questions like, am I having fun? What world exists outside of this path I'm on? What is actually important in trying shit? Is completion more important than the work itself? How to tackle this? Answer: not in a SMART goal.</p><h2>so this year I'm ditching the smart goals. let's talk about dumb goals</h2><p>So this year I'm toying with a looser framework for working towards desires with the purpose of creating more possibility within them. I will still write them down, but will sweat the small stuff less. I will try to write things down in a way that encourages action, regardless of it is continuing down the same path, and I will try to create some frameworks that feel joyful around it. Let's call them dumb goals for now.</p><p>Indulge me on this acronym:</p><ul><li><p><strong>D — Deep-Rooted:</strong> Goals should be connected to your core values, and grow from authentic desires rather than ways you feel like you SHOULD be. They also recognize that growth is not always obvious at a first glance. </p></li><li><p><strong>U — Unfolding: </strong>Goals should embrace process rather than predetermined outcomes, and should evolve as we do. They should make space for serendipity and should celebrate the journey.</p></li><li><p><strong>M — Meaningful: </strong>Goals should allow for depth over metrics. What truly matters compared to what can explicitly be measured? How are we defining growth? Does it even need to be defined?</p></li><li><p><strong>B — Breathing: </strong>Goals should align with seasonal energy and allow for natural cycles of effort and rest. We should also create structure for integration and reflection. What are we learning? Where do we go next after a pause?</p></li></ul><h2>my dumb goals for the year</h2><p>This will most definitely change. But directionally, here's what we've got:</p><ol><li><p>🌻 <strong>Create a garden on my balcony:</strong> I've been thinking of growing tomato plants on my south-facing balcony for a couple years now. I've been aspiring towards working with plants. Now I need to go beyond watering a houseplant and wringing my hands when they start killing themselves and dying.</p></li><li><p><strong>🎨 Paint my coffee table and decorate it: </strong>I really enjoyed painting my "<a href="https://dessin.substack.com/p/attainable-fantasies">community chairs</a>" with my friends last year and they've become one of my favourite things in the apartment. Let's keep going; I got a coffee table off Facebook Marketplace for $25. </p></li><li><p>📖 <strong>Start and finish the Artist's Way</strong>: I'd like to get to a point where drawing and writing feel very natural, very joyful, and feels more honest. I'm very used to trying to operationalize my creative process. This probably needs the sort of spiritual healing that people seem to get from Julia Cameron's<em> Artist's Way</em>. </p></li><li><p>🫂 <strong>Make intergenerational friends</strong>: I don't hang out with enough babies and I don't hang out with enough grannies. That's a lot of joy and wisdom I'm missing out on! Not to mention delicious food. Plus my skill in being able to connect devices to Wi-Fi is most appreciated by this demographic.</p></li><li><p>🧘 <strong>Find better ways to release stress that actually release stress</strong>: I do a lot of activities that are supposed to release stress. But I am still a very stressed person, so I think I'm probably not doing the right things.</p></li><li><p>✌️<strong>Maintain my emotional vibe</strong>: Basically regulating my emotions better. Get in tune with <a href="https://www.dartmouth-hitchcock.org/sites/default/files/2021-03/urge-surfing.pdf">urge surfing</a>. But also if I'm feeling joyful, to share it with other people and worry less about its appropriateness.</p></li><li><p>🦜 <strong>Talk to more people whose work I find interesting: </strong>I'm shy to talk to people about their work but I want to know what possibilities are out there beyond making slide decks that are marginally interesting and poorly researched lol.</p></li><li><p>🎹 <strong>Pick up music again with guitar or with jamming with my band: </strong>I miss that spiky, focused feeling of jamming with other people. I'd also like to do some structured learning of an instrument. Probably piano or guitar.</p></li><li><p>✏️ <strong>Write my blog posts with less polish, more curiosity:</strong> More rigor on research, more googling, more interesting examples. Spend more time digging around instead of stuck wondering how to phrase something. Focus less on voice and style. This will come naturally with reading more and taking walks and talking to interesting people.</p></li><li><p>📚 <strong>Study more</strong>: I need to read up. I am foolish and not proud of it! I'd like to read more, engage with what I'm reading more, and take some classes. Probably about data analysis and design.</p></li><li><p>💡<strong>Try new things in my career</strong>: Writing this blog has been really fun and rewarding, but I think experimenting with other mediums will also be fruitful. Maybe trying out YouTube again or reviving the poetry podcast, or drawing on greeting cards; I just want to try something that I can fuck up and then learn from. I'm also thinking about how my 9-5 job shapes all of this exploration.</p></li><li><p>🥕 <strong>Figure out a food system: </strong>Get better at managing the admin / planning side of cooking: groceries, ingredient prep, meal planning, nutrition planning. I feel like I can reduce a lot of my food-related stress by planning more effectively.</p></li></ol><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png" width="870" height="622" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":622,"width":870,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":511895,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F00595c81-6616-4f05-85b5-9019066e29fb_870x622.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">LMAO</figcaption></figure></div><h2>how to set a dumb goal</h2><p>Here's how I wrote down my dumb goals for the year:</p><ol><li><p>Take 20-30 minutes to write down, stream-of-consciousness style, your wishes and desires. </p></li><li><p>Which desires jump out at you as particularly frivolous or practical? Which ones are you having responses to, whether they are icky or thrilling or something you could never allow yourself to do?</p></li><li><p>Highlight those.</p></li><li><p>Sense check: Are these desires aligned with my values? (i.e., is there possibility for growth and surprise if I fulfill this desire?)</p></li><li><p>Ask: If this desire is fulfilled, what might happen to me?</p></li><li><p>Ask: Does this feel urgent?</p></li><li><p>Rewrite: Do any of the desires have a concrete, measurable component? Try to rewrite them based on their purpose. Try to rewrite them to give you as many possibilities and pathways to work toward them that feel exciting or joyful. They should feel expansive, not narrowing.</p></li><li><p>Cull: Now, get realistic. How many of these can you honestly work towards during the year (with acknowledgement that you might necessarily abandon or tweak these as time goes on)? Select only that number. Save the rest for later.</p></li><li><p>Stick them up somewhere so you can look at them often.</p></li></ol><h2>how to document goals joyfully without it being really annoying</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png" width="1080" height="1080" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1080,"width":1080,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":119343,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4a6aeefb-deb9-4363-99fa-76bb0146f785_1080x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>As an experiment to make this more fun, I'm using seasonal documents as a container for my planning and field notes. These focus on surprises, learnings, and interesting failures instead of trying to analyze why I didn't achieve a certain level of progress. I'm trying to tailor the framework to care more about the process than the goal. </p><h3>how to document each season</h3><p>I created a few sections in my digital journal that will allow me to document conveniently while still imposing some structure to be useful for reflection and subsequent action. There are a few sections in the journal:</p><p><strong>Day 1 reflection:</strong> In the beginnings of the season, I reflect on things like what the season is guiding me to pursue and where I'm situated. Questions to answer include things like:</p><ul><li><p>What are my current energy levels? </p></li><li><p>What are the season's impact on my routines?</p></li><li><p>What feels ready to grow?</p></li></ul><p><strong>Seasonal Focus:</strong> My main focus for the season and brainstorm some concrete things I might work towards over the next 3 months. This is where I need to get a little bit more structured so I actually know what I'm supposed to be doing. Questions include:</p><ul><li><p>What's my main focus this season?</p></li><li><p>What are concrete things I can work towards this season, aligned with the season?</p></li></ul><p><strong>Laying the Dirt:</strong> Notes on creating conditions that support me in accomplishing my concrete focuses for the season. Things I think about include how I can design my physical space, what time and energy considerations I should have this season, and what support systems might be helpful. Some reflection questions include:</p><ul><li><p>How can I reduce friction points in my environment this season?</p></li><li><p>What natural rhythms should I work with this month?</p></li><li><p>What resources do I need to gather to support myself in this season?</p></li></ul><p><strong>Field Notes:</strong> Notes on the season about my experience — weekly reflections, interesting failures, moments of surprise, patterns that are emerging monthly, collected inspiration, process images, etc. etc. </p><p><strong>Seasonal Harvest:</strong> Space to celebrate what was accomplished, what I learned about my process, and what seeds to plant next season.</p><p>If you're curious for more detailed view of my journal this year and how I'm keeping track of everything, or if you're curious about trying out this structure for yourself, I've put together a <a href="https://noodledesk.gumroad.com/l/goalgarden">Notion template that you can buy here</a> if you're into that sort of thing :)</p><h3>goodbye optimization. let us be like water</h3><p>Some interesting, creative people have written about non-rigid structures and aligning to seasonal rhythms:</p><ul><li><p><a href="https://yanyiii.com">Yanyi</a> on the <a href="https://thecreativeindependent.com/people/writer-and-critic-yanyi-on-the-differences-between-creativity-and-productivity/">difference between creativity and productivity</a>: </p><blockquote><p>“Oh, I’ve only done like six points this week when I said I could do 12. What’s going to happen?” The answer is nothing. Nothing’s going to happen because I don’t need to read 12 books a week, which is where I was at. If it’s not really serving the work, then what’s the point? So I stopped doing that.</p></blockquote></li><li><p><span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"anjali","id":124509007,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/34b7595d-4d86-4e57-bc84-d2e1b33adb8c_1125x1124.jpeg","uuid":"9d12bb7d-2d4c-40a5-acb3-fee8b11f8e3a"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>’s comic on feeling December: </p></li></ul><div class="embedded-post-wrap" data-attrs="{"id":153464042,"url":"https://anjalikamat.substack.com/p/feeling-december","publication_id":1590022,"publication_name":"anji's mind","publication_logo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F195d0c2d-97d7-4ac2-b740-3bb888e701f2_1280x1280.png","title":"winter stagnation ","truncated_body_text":"from a walk on a cold day in ridgewood","date":"2024-12-26T13:02:03.983Z","like_count":137,"comment_count":8,"bylines":[{"id":124509007,"name":"anjali","handle":"anjalikamat","previous_name":"Anjali","photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/34b7595d-4d86-4e57-bc84-d2e1b33adb8c_1125x1124.jpeg","bio":"drawing from life🫧🪷","profile_set_up_at":"2023-04-15T17:33:27.693Z","publicationUsers":[{"id":1560777,"user_id":124509007,"publication_id":1590022,"role":"admin","public":true,"is_primary":false,"publication":{"id":1590022,"name":"anji's mind","subdomain":"anjalikamat","custom_domain":null,"custom_domain_optional":false,"hero_text":"the vibe is, the secret backyard you did not know was there but now are resolved to frequent and gatekeep~","logo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/195d0c2d-97d7-4ac2-b740-3bb888e701f2_1280x1280.png","author_id":124509007,"theme_var_background_pop":"#D10000","created_at":"2023-04-15T17:33:52.607Z","rss_website_url":null,"email_from_name":"anji's mind","copyright":"Anjali","founding_plan_name":"Founding Member","community_enabled":true,"invite_only":false,"payments_state":"enabled","language":null,"explicit":false,"is_personal_mode":false}}],"is_guest":false,"bestseller_tier":null}],"utm_campaign":null,"belowTheFold":true,"type":"newsletter","language":"en"}" data-component-name="EmbeddedPostToDOM"><a class="embedded-post" native="true" href="https://anjalikamat.substack.com/p/feeling-december?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=post_embed&utm_medium=web"><div class="embedded-post-header"><img class="embedded-post-publication-logo" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_56,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F195d0c2d-97d7-4ac2-b740-3bb888e701f2_1280x1280.png" loading="lazy"><span class="embedded-post-publication-name">anji's mind</span></div><div class="embedded-post-title-wrapper"><div class="embedded-post-title">winter stagnation </div></div><div class="embedded-post-body">from a walk on a cold day in ridgewood…</div><div class="embedded-post-cta-wrapper"><span class="embedded-post-cta">Read more</span></div><div class="embedded-post-meta">5 months ago · 137 likes · 8 comments · anjali</div></a></div><ul><li><p><span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Carolyn Yoo","id":229390,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F44633043-7089-4bf7-bb2b-df16e1ccd092_2048x2048.jpeg","uuid":"1b68bf05-3545-4975-a3d2-ec87ff287248"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> on seasonal pacing: </p><blockquote><p>As an introvert who relishes going inward and staying at home, winter is my most productive season. Yet for many years, I pushed myself to forge ahead with projects and goals without considering winter’s softer, slower pace, culminating in burnout." She ran a 31 day challenge here for winter and it was SO COOL: </p></blockquote></li></ul><div class="embedded-post-wrap" data-attrs="{"id":153612888,"url":"https://cyoo.substack.com/p/join-31-days-of-creative-resilience","publication_id":19247,"publication_name":"SEE YOU","publication_logo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd83a3c82-78a2-4392-815b-4bbf5e310f69_1280x1280.png","title":"Join 31 Days of Creative Resilience","truncated_body_text":"SEE YOU’s monthlong creative resilience journey for the winter season starts Wednesday, January 1. Sign up now!","date":"2024-12-27T14:25:53.543Z","like_count":117,"comment_count":12,"bylines":[{"id":229390,"name":"Carolyn Yoo","handle":"cyoo","previous_name":null,"photo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F44633043-7089-4bf7-bb2b-df16e1ccd092_2048x2048.jpeg","bio":"Artist & writer based in Brooklyn, NY 🌝 Currently into visual journaling, cyclical frameworks, and mindful practice","profile_set_up_at":"2021-11-02T16:21:35.665Z","publicationUsers":[{"id":217345,"user_id":229390,"publication_id":19247,"role":"admin","public":true,"is_primary":false,"publication":{"id":19247,"name":"SEE YOU","subdomain":"cyoo","custom_domain":null,"custom_domain_optional":false,"hero_text":"Your guide to creative self-discovery, with practical tips, seasonal challenges, sketchbook peeks, and inspiration to enrich your artistic and writing practice","logo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d83a3c82-78a2-4392-815b-4bbf5e310f69_1280x1280.png","author_id":229390,"theme_var_background_pop":"#8C1E14","created_at":"2019-10-16T14:26:40.816Z","rss_website_url":null,"email_from_name":"Carolyn Yoo","copyright":"Carolyn Yoo","founding_plan_name":"Founding Membership","community_enabled":true,"invite_only":false,"payments_state":"enabled","language":null,"explicit":false,"is_personal_mode":false}}],"is_guest":false,"bestseller_tier":100}],"utm_campaign":null,"belowTheFold":true,"type":"newsletter","language":"en"}" data-component-name="EmbeddedPostToDOM"><a class="embedded-post" native="true" href="https://cyoo.substack.com/p/join-31-days-of-creative-resilience?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=post_embed&utm_medium=web"><div class="embedded-post-header"><img class="embedded-post-publication-logo" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_56,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd83a3c82-78a2-4392-815b-4bbf5e310f69_1280x1280.png" loading="lazy"><span class="embedded-post-publication-name">SEE YOU</span></div><div class="embedded-post-title-wrapper"><div class="embedded-post-title">Join 31 Days of Creative Resilience</div></div><div class="embedded-post-body">SEE YOU’s monthlong creative resilience journey for the winter season starts Wednesday, January 1. Sign up now…</div><div class="embedded-post-cta-wrapper"><span class="embedded-post-cta">Read more</span></div><div class="embedded-post-meta">5 months ago · 117 likes · 12 comments · Carolyn Yoo</div></a></div><p>So it seems to make sense to move through the seasons as your desires soften or intensify. Think Claire Schwartz's lines from her poem, <em><strong><a href="https://granta.com/lecture-on-loneliness/">Lecture on Loneliness</a></strong></em>:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png" width="242" height="145" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":145,"width":242,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":6185,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d10e69f-e229-4458-a63b-40e0ff44a5f7_242x145.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Some ideas for what aligning your practices to seasons could look like (if you live in a place where winter is cold, like me):</p><h4>winter</h4><ul><li><p>building foundational knowledge of a new desire — reading up!</p></li><li><p>planning what containers you need for your container garden</p></li><li><p>weightlifting at home</p></li><li><p>sleeping! resting! </p></li><li><p>trying new soupy recipes</p></li></ul><h4>Spring</h4><ul><li><p>trying out some desires in small increments</p></li><li><p>setting a planter up on the balcony</p></li><li><p>trying new bakeries or bookstores that may turn into good community spaces for things you'd like to organize with friends</p></li><li><p>taking walks outside and familiarizing yourself with potential run routes</p></li></ul><h4>Summer</h4><ul><li><p>active engagement with projects that you have resources already pulled together for</p></li><li><p>getting your hands dirty in the garden</p></li><li><p>organizing community events</p></li><li><p>biking to regular classes at a local gym</p></li></ul><h4>Fall</h4><ul><li><p>gathering your learnings and preparing to rest</p></li><li><p>letting go of what's complete</p></li><li><p>planning virtual touch points with your friends to make art together in your own homes</p></li><li><p>enjoying your harvest with your friends by cooking together</p></li><li><p>transitioning to weightlifting more at home</p></li></ul><h3><strong>and now what? what are your desires? 💭</strong></h3><p>I've spent January thinking about how to anchor my practices around honest joy and desire rather than what I THINK I should be doing. Do new year's resolutions work for you? What are your honest desires for the year?</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Thanks for reading dessin! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>sorry lol. I used an Atlassian link.</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[my favourite books of 2024]]></title><description><![CDATA[salt, fat, pleasure, sensation, and multiple blizzards]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/my-favourite-books-of-2024</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/my-favourite-books-of-2024</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 30 Dec 2024 17:24:21 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png" width="704" height="516.421052631579" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":446,"width":608,"resizeWidth":704,"bytes":null,"alt":"389:\n“by Alejandro Sintura\n”","title":null,"type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="389:
“by Alejandro Sintura
”" title="389:
“by Alejandro Sintura
”" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F81711711-f854-47f6-8a49-f3b0699a6324_608x446.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CZH4cg7lyuC/?img_index=1">agapantos</a> (45 x 60 cm) by alejandro sintura castro</figcaption></figure></div><p>You can make the argument that all books end up being about the body, somehow, but what's the point. I put together a list of books I read this year that made the biggest marks on me (sometimes I define “biggest marks” as <strong>actual changes in my behaviour</strong>, sometimes I define it as a difference in how I <strong>experience the vibe of my life</strong>. Like, sometimes you finish reading a book and the quality of light in your living room changes.)</p><p>I'm on a slow upward trajectory of reading more since starting a full-time job two years ago, which is good. If I compare how I feel about myself now to how I felt about myself a year ago, <strong>I would describe myself as more rooted, more self-compassionate, and happier.</strong> All good things — which definitely correlate to how much reading and making things I did in the last year. And now onto the list, which I've divided into three sections based on what they seem to orbit around: <strong>practical pleasure & sensation, just experience, and how experience pushes us into wisdom.</strong></p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">i talk about books all the time — come hang out if that’s your thing!</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><h2>practical pleasure & sensation</h2><p>These were books that I felt propelled me formally towards joy. And the books themselves are teachers of pleasure — cooking, sex, and joy itself.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/cc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":3257304,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcc8bd8b7-db85-4663-9760-33f0356951e9_2400x2400.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781476753836">Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat</a></strong></em> by <strong>Samin Nosrat</strong> was probably the most influential book of my year. I listened to the majority of it on morning runs without having eaten anything. Listening to the details of the Maillard reaction on an empty stomach will piss you off, but will also make your subsequent breakfast an hour later starkly stand out. <strong>I really tasted the butter on my toast after this book.</strong> And I'm a real salt head now.</p><p>Chef and writer Samin Nosrat distills the principles of cooking into four elements: <strong>salt, fat, acid, and heat</strong>, and how they work to make food delicious. This cookbook has many recipes, but starts with why and how to cook, so you can make the most with what you have, wherever you are. It is also illustrated instead of photographed, a deliberate choice by Nosrat so that <strong>you don't form any expectations about what your food SHOULD look like</strong>, just what it should taste like. <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Wendy MacNaughton","id":4946379,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/285967b8-7f8f-4a35-b00f-becc00dda92f_1242x1519.jpeg","uuid":"57ca56dc-87ba-4873-8ca2-0087f352a487"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> did the illustrations, and they are gorgeous. I'm a sucker for good diagrams like these:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png" width="676" height="808" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":808,"width":676,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":764352,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5caf2001-bdbd-4e91-bf8b-8cc630e0fe67_676x808.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>I listened to most of <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781982165314">Come As You Are</a></strong></em> by <strong>Emily Nagoski</strong> while lifting weights at the gym or running, which I think probably affected my experience of the book. It's all about <strong>your unique sexuality, how important context is, what the research is actually saying</strong>. Nagoski argues that <strong>accepting the reality of your body</strong>, where it is now, and being grounded in sensations and pleasure will do much more for you than trying to attain a bodily ideal you think you should have or experience. And so I was running up a hill, exhausted and running quite poorly, listening to this audiobook and crying a little. </p><p>I will also gobble up anything by <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Ross Gay","id":171689364,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7573cc1a-1089-4cd8-bc04-0dd0ccfc24a2_866x854.png","uuid":"5d216aa2-88fd-423f-91ae-edb6438b4c81"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>, who could write about eating cereal or finding a missing sock and I’d be blown apart by his penchant for <strong>wonder, meandering sentences, letting humour bloom</strong>, and hyper-focusing on the <strong>tiniest interactions</strong> that resonate <strong>joy, joy, joy</strong>. <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781643753959">Inciting Joy</a></strong></em> is a collection of essays <strong>unearthing how joy comes out</strong> and hovers and hums when we connect with each other and <strong>when we sit with each other in sorrow</strong>, etc. etc. Definitely a favourite, but then again so is everything else he writes. </p><h2>just experience</h2><p>These were books, mainly poetry, which I read that made me feel like I was drowning in them, which I could not put down. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":2687376,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6d00d527-cf61-4033-90ce-fa433149febe_2400x2400.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>One was definitely <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780374539078">Song of Songs</a></strong></em><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780374539078"> </a>by <strong>Sylvie Baumgartel</strong>. Technically a poetry collection, it is one long poem that pulls us into the speaker's desperate life, <strong>cooking at the stove with no clothes on, frantic in her submission, so much desire smeared all over</strong>. I read it compulsively! </p><p><strong>Jorie Graham</strong>'s <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781556596773">To 2040</a></strong></em> was strange, like <strong>walking through a blizzard that has been going on forever</strong>. Very spare lines like, "Are we / extinct yet. Who owns / the map." <strong>Glimpses of different, mechanical futures</strong>. Told partly from a hospital bed, as the speaker's head is lifted by a nurse. White all over. I talked more about it in my <strong>summer book roundup</strong>:</p><div class="digest-post-embed" data-attrs="{"nodeId":"346828f5-8e3f-4539-b013-b5f88cead95c","caption":"I’ve been very excited about this $13 smart plug I bought from IKEA so that I can turn my lamp on from across my bedroom without crawling out of bed and into the cold as fall is properly here now, which I can tell by the fact that I’m freezing and pissed when I go outside and because I am sick for the third time in the last two months, which is a new re…","cta":null,"showBylines":true,"size":"lg","isEditorNode":true,"title":"inhales: everything i read in summer 2024","publishedBylines":[{"id":40854889,"name":"jess","bio":"i work in management consulting and i write about creative life & share rough work & notes & inspirations. poems in the rumpus, salt hill journal, prism international, & elsewhere 😋🐒🏃‍♂️🌞🤤","photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/6977ceac-b08a-4b31-b7e7-555a3f22a309_1080x1080.jpeg","is_guest":false,"bestseller_tier":null}],"post_date":"2024-11-04T14:36:03.075Z","cover_image":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/30503851-bce4-46cd-9a18-1086deed873e_2862x2160.png","cover_image_alt":null,"canonical_url":"https://dessin.substack.com/p/making-things-from-books-i-read","section_name":"inhales","id":146615265,"type":"newsletter","reaction_count":10,"comment_count":2,"publication_name":"dessin","publication_logo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fba05d36d-f37f-4b21-82ed-a3c0e76a6893_1200x1200.png","belowTheFold":true}"></div><p>If you like hearing poems read out loud (video set to timestamp), <strong>Sarah Howe</strong> read some poems from <em><strong>To 2040</strong></em> at the Griffin Prize this year and she has the most amazing voice. Like I said a few months ago — <strong>speaking straight into the blood of the audience</strong>:</p><div id="youtube2-or_-_3A3HJo" class="youtube-wrap" data-attrs="{"videoId":"or_-_3A3HJo","startTime":"1490","endTime":null}" data-component-name="Youtube2ToDOM"><div class="youtube-inner"><iframe src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/or_-_3A3HJo?start=1490&rel=0&autoplay=0&showinfo=0&enablejsapi=0" frameborder="0" loading="lazy" gesture="media" allow="autoplay; fullscreen" allowautoplay="true" allowfullscreen="true" width="728" height="409"></iframe></div></div><p>On the plane home from Boston I read <strong>Sharon Olds</strong>' <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780375712258">Stag's Leap</a></strong></em>, (named after her and her ex-husband's favourite wine), which takes us through the seasons of Olds' divorce with her husband of 30 years. The first poem takes us to the moment where he first asks for divorce. What's remarkable, I think, about Stag's Leap is that <strong>it takes us through this journey without judgment</strong>. She doesn't invite judgment from the reader, from anyone. <strong>It just is.</strong> </p><p>And a recommendation from my boyfriend, <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781593075002">Berserk</a></strong></em> by <strong>Kentaro Miura</strong>, specifically, volume 13, which I also compulsively tore through. It's like, <strong>masculine despair</strong> on the page…panels of it! It was really cathartic to read. However challenging I felt this year was, <strong>I didn't have it like Guts and I never will</strong>. Berserk for radical optimism perhaps? And also Miura <strong>did things with an ink pen you can't even fathom.</strong> </p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7fcf1a1b-cb11-4658-b7d5-6cd92e98e171_1050x760.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5ed13c16-b3eb-4193-bd47-27627ca29b94_2048x1430.jpeg"}],"caption":"have a look... thank you to J for these screenshots. the merits of intense archival tendencies","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/db54c0d6-0563-4171-ad89-689de4ea5463_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><h2>& wisdom</h2><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/c2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1772800,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc2c3027d-6c21-4f60-be5c-8319938c5ddc_2400x2400.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>I laughed a lot when reading <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780593086957">How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes</a></strong></em> by <strong><span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Melinda Wenner Moyer","id":1441468,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20df978f-0f50-4d3f-9e17-d4e7bfbe6d97_400x400.jpeg","uuid":"5dc51c28-6035-4099-8031-a67c0847dc22"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span></strong>. It's clear and actionable. And it is a <strong>direct shining thing</strong> against a lot of the conversations I've had with friends about kids and about raising kids, how it will be impossible, how we have our work cut out for us. Certainly we do. <strong>How else to prepare for the task if not by learning?</strong></p><h1>things I’d like to read next year</h1><p>I have a couple of books that I'd like to read next year, which are all <strong>borrowed from writers and readers I like</strong>. One of my resolutions is to read the books I've always been intimidated by. Here we go:</p><p><em><strong><a href="https://blgtylr.substack.com/p/my-favorite-books-of-2024">All that Glitters</a></strong></em><a href="https://blgtylr.substack.com/p/my-favorite-books-of-2024"> by </a><strong><a href="https://blgtylr.substack.com/p/my-favorite-books-of-2024">Orlando Whitfield</a></strong><a href="https://blgtylr.substack.com/p/my-favorite-books-of-2024"> is Brandon Taylor's favourite book of 2024</a>. I love <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Brandon","id":13679,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/0526d241-b90d-475d-a724-b7f1644cc535_3177x2439.png","uuid":"e209844a-2c2c-412d-8b94-9cfc67ad4cf1"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> Taylor, obviously. He knows exactly what to gatekeep. What TV show is he watching? Mind your business. <strong>But here’s <a href="https://blgtylr.substack.com/p/maile-meloy-rules">4 thousand words</a> about why Maile Meloy rocks.</strong> </p><div class="embedded-post-wrap" data-attrs="{"id":119305025,"url":"https://blgtylr.substack.com/p/maile-meloy-rules","publication_id":14343,"publication_name":"sweater weather","publication_logo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6531a44a-f90c-410f-af81-841ce4ece481_300x300.png","title":"maile meloy rules","truncated_body_text":"Hello friends—","date":"2023-05-04T17:16:46.550Z","like_count":123,"comment_count":16,"bylines":[{"id":13679,"name":"Brandon","handle":"blgtylr","previous_name":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/0526d241-b90d-475d-a724-b7f1644cc535_3177x2439.png","bio":"Brandon Taylor is the author of The Late Americans.","profile_set_up_at":"2021-04-29T00:27:18.154Z","publicationUsers":[{"id":23030,"user_id":13679,"publication_id":14343,"role":"admin","public":true,"is_primary":false,"publication":{"id":14343,"name":"sweater weather","subdomain":"blgtylr","custom_domain":null,"custom_domain_optional":false,"hero_text":"essays about literature, culture, and so many feelings.","logo_url":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/6531a44a-f90c-410f-af81-841ce4ece481_300x300.png","author_id":13679,"theme_var_background_pop":"#7c9ac2","created_at":"2019-07-26T22:05:47.997Z","rss_website_url":null,"email_from_name":"Brandon","copyright":"Brandon","founding_plan_name":null,"community_enabled":true,"invite_only":false,"payments_state":"disabled","language":null,"explicit":false,"is_personal_mode":false}}],"is_guest":false,"bestseller_tier":null}],"utm_campaign":null,"belowTheFold":true,"type":"newsletter","language":"en"}" data-component-name="EmbeddedPostToDOM"><a class="embedded-post" native="true" href="https://blgtylr.substack.com/p/maile-meloy-rules?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=post_embed&utm_medium=web"><div class="embedded-post-header"><img class="embedded-post-publication-logo" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_56,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F6531a44a-f90c-410f-af81-841ce4ece481_300x300.png" loading="lazy"><span class="embedded-post-publication-name">sweater weather</span></div><div class="embedded-post-title-wrapper"><div class="embedded-post-title">maile meloy rules</div></div><div class="embedded-post-body">Hello friends…</div><div class="embedded-post-cta-wrapper"><span class="embedded-post-cta">Read more</span></div><div class="embedded-post-meta">2 years ago · 123 likes · 16 comments · Brandon</div></a></div><p><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-last-samurai-helen-dewitt/12417935?ean=9780811225502">The Last Samurai</a></strong></em> by <strong>Helen DeWitt</strong> has been floating around on my list of books to read. <a href="https://www.personalcanon.com/p/everything-i-read-in-october-2024?utm_source=publication-search">I trust all of Celine Nguyen’s favourites</a>. Sometimes I read her writing and I’m like, you did such a <strong>tender & generous & focused reading</strong> of this book. If we could apply a little bit of <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Celine Nguyen","id":2538585,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5c59070d-58d7-42e3-abab-c66866275c80_1121x1123.jpeg","uuid":"db55727c-a20e-4543-a0f7-33fabb59b9d9"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>'s care with reading and writing about literature toward our daily work... we'd be in a good place. </p><p><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781623176242">Hospicing Modernity</a></strong></em> by <strong>Vanessa Machado De Oliveira</strong> is a recommendation from <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Chris Mohan","id":36944210,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d4ee6398-a1f5-4385-8b32-045d752b673c_640x640.jpeg","uuid":"2ed3b5f8-f58f-495d-b662-bf0533f43bb1"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> and breaks down how our habits and belief systems hold us back from the real change needed to save the planet. </p><p><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780399563669">The Book of Form and Emptiness</a></strong></em> by <strong>Ruth Ozeki</strong> was recommended by <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Brian Chang","id":96050870,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/0f7da777-d8fe-48b5-8a25-5278fbbb02c8_1175x1177.jpeg","uuid":"b65c9023-82ce-4e44-b86b-0bdbfafd37b3"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>. This is a long one! I've never read Ozeki and I've always wanted to. So this year I will. </p><p>Stay warm if you’ve got winter where you are. Talk to you next time 💗If you had any favourite books you read this year, I’d love to hear about them in the comments section :)</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">Thanks for reading dessin! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[i wish i never deleted my fanfiction account ]]></title><description><![CDATA[reasons for staying #3]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/i-wish-i-never-deleted-my-fanfiction</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/i-wish-i-never-deleted-my-fanfiction</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 30 Nov 2024 16:22:35 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>hi welcome to reasons for staying, which is basically my <strong>semi-regular <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autoethnography">autoethnography</a> for gratitude</strong>. 💛</p><div><hr></div><ul><li><p>on the way home after my first class at my new jiu jitsu gym (the old one declared bankruptcy after its business partners had a professional disagreement) after my first class it was pitch black outside and <strong>google sent me home on the fucking HIGHWAY on my BIKE</strong>. I walked my bike on a precarious little island feeling like I was <strong>dragging my injured horse away from a live battleground</strong>. I couldn’t turn around because cars were blazing past and it was a one way. Constant visions of getting smeared against the side of the road. When I got home I took the best shower of my LIFE and ate chicken thighs with quinoa and zucchini in a silent, dazed fugue. I call this <strong>experiential dining on a budget</strong> </p></li><li><p>I’ve been sick no less than 3 times in the last 3 months but I have recovered. and <strong>people can’t keep me down</strong>.</p></li><li><p>sometimes I write my dreams down half asleep (I used to analyze themes in them before I figured it was <strong>making me ruminate too much on what it all meant</strong> instead of just laughing at what was funny in them) and they look like this</p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png" width="809" height="153" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":153,"width":809,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":28093,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fddd56839-6f4c-49cd-97a2-f1148020b4ca_809x153.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption"><em><strong>translation:</strong></em> dream about reselling the experience. resell 8 minutes fashion circle. salmon on salmon teriyaki bug extermination dream. line for one piece of food. I can eat in dreams now. my lucid dream about flying in the path for feast. huge dumplings</figcaption></figure></div><ul><li><p>this song by little simz:</p></li></ul><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b273e87c1c709ebcba96c9d7041e","title":"one life, might live","subtitle":"Little Simz","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/7183fwCYtpFWrBWamXHU1E","belowTheFold":false,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/7183fwCYtpFWrBWamXHU1E" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe><ul><li><p>one of my managers described me as “<strong>a professional artist who specializes in recreating abstract circles for Banks</strong>”, so I’m sure my 18 year old self would be thrilled about the impactful and beneficial work I am currently involved in.</p></li></ul><ul><li><p>at the client office on my current project I’ve started to get attached to a specific toilet and a specific stall, because that is <strong>MY toilet and because it has the largest flushing power</strong>. when someone else is using it I’m like, <strong>really? using my stall? unbelievable.</strong></p></li><li><p>also at the client office — <strong>they shut off the water suddenly without telling anyone and wouldn’t tell us when it would be turned back on</strong>. My coworker B (I have three coworker Bs and they are all lovely) and I both had to piss BAD so we went home. I was humming with joy on the way home because <strong>I love any chance to go home from work early.</strong></p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png" width="727" height="752" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":752,"width":727,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":324563,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd53bfba4-e713-4103-9580-9bd7ceeffd69_727x752.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">purchasing advisory with my coworkers</figcaption></figure></div><ul><li><p>I feel like they’re gonna get <strong>Jacob Collier to do Disney songs</strong> <strong>soon</strong> the way that Alan Menken did Disney songs. this is just my feeling.</p></li><li><p>I’ve grown because we got surprise called by a client who didn’t show up to a meeting and she asked if we could present the material to her 15 minutes after the meeting time was over. two years ago I <strong>would have been shaking in my socks at the prospect of a surprise presentation but now it just annoys me.</strong></p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7fbdfa8e-7b0e-4599-b710-37ed1db2ce15_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/0dd235cf-8d1a-4f8e-a160-ebd9026ef6a8_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/198f0554-d85e-4c56-8603-2cbda8b10c02_3840x2160.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/9b702850-6ab4-4d0f-a7dc-d3372fe67247_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/016fc1ef-beeb-4a85-8308-e99b96b69b6d_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/2268e53e-273c-4c93-a817-b70e0634d0e1_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5fb7aa70-9fb9-4e25-919b-70b60be72079_3840x2160.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7f0f73e3-675c-4b02-8a70-a0dd57b8d966_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/44590028-b0bf-4c14-9a0c-edd55401f1c6_4000x3000.jpeg"}],"caption":"from left to right: making dumplings of all shapes and sizes at my brothers house and i had dill dumplings for the first time amazing / my boyfriend got access to the departures board at a bar i was in and sent a message all the way from thailand / an excellent shirt i purchased at a vintage store / cream cheese and basil toast from my plant for dinner. no questions / big bouquets outside in the cold at night / my friend v's birthday potluck / i won a halloween costume contest as patrick bateman / i replaced the brake pads on my bike in class and felt competent and empowered / garlic bread disaster.","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/62a668f7-7956-4263-a859-27200d233008_1456x1454.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p></p></li><li><p>and this song! which my brother has had on loop for ages:</p><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b27348dc83b0ea81f3642d518a48","title":"Deep Green","subtitle":"Christian Kuria","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/2xGGpmywtvPY3h7JkcwP1E","belowTheFold":true,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/2xGGpmywtvPY3h7JkcwP1E" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" loading="lazy" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe><p></p></li><li><p><strong>I bought an electric typewriter (smith corona SL-80)</strong> off of facebook marketplace and it is so wonderful to write on. It feels like a more immediate way of writing in my journal, because it gets put down on a physical page right away but my ‘conversion’ of thought to actual written word is a lot faster than handwriting. It’s very different — not better or worse, <strong>because writing things down by hand certainly forces you to think more before each word you put down, but it’s very fun.</strong> I can see why writers and poets love to use these things — I think it probably lets you access a new part of your brain where you can write work differently. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/c32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":3270325,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/jpeg","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fc32bfe02-257b-4305-9f8b-237809094243_4000x3000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div></li><li><p>reminds me of what <strong><a href="https://www.themarginalian.org/2020/01/14/ross-gay-delights-handwriting/">ross gay said about writing by hand</a></strong>:</p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/b1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb1110123-0d8f-4a83-82d7-3899b24d444f_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>For instance, the previous run-on sentence is a sentence fragment, and it happened in part because of <strong>the really nice time my body was having</strong> making this lavender Le Pen make the loop-de-looping we call language. I mean writing.</p><p>[…]</p><p>Consequently, some important aspect of my thinking, particularly the breathlessness, the accruing syntax, the not quite articulate pleasure that evades or could give a fuck about the computer’s green corrective lines (how they injure us!) would be chiseled, likely with a semicolon and a proper predicate, <strong>into something correct, and, maybe, dull</strong>. To be sure, it would have less of the <strong>actual magic writing is, which comes from our bodies</strong>, which we actually think with, quiet as it’s kept.</p></blockquote><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thank you for reading :) i post these gratitude notes, studio dispatches, essays, reading / inspiration logs, and more 💛</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><ul><li><p>I was all alone at my client’s office one day and one of my coworkers brought me on a coffee walk because her usual coffee walk buddy had betrayed her and already gotten coffee. I kind of felt like she was <strong>showing me her world at work;</strong> we walked to visit her friends at a customer service office and everyone there was so nice. I had a glimpse of what a future doing this kind of government work could look like — <strong>well-paced, lots of room to chat and get to know people.</strong> People called each other “My dear” and when someone came in from the cold they recognized I was new right away, <strong>came up to me, said hi, that I had a beautiful smile, and gave me a fist bump.</strong> </p></li><li><p>I <strong>graduated an introductory bike mechanic class</strong> and every week they had a beautiful hot vegetarian meal and every week I ate these huge cheese puff chips called BIGFOOT that scraped the roof of my mouth but they were really good.</p></li><li><p><strong>lifting weights has been amazing.</strong> I don’t think I’ve ever been this strong in my life, and I love being so hungry that I can eat more delicious food all the time. </p></li><li><p>I was looking around for cameras when our client pulled us aside to tell us the website we were redesigning was <strong>“not in good shape”,</strong> and when asked what she meant she <strong>pulled up the ORIGINAL website</strong> that we are literally redesigning. Again — I need compensation.</p></li><li><p><a href="https://www.businessinsider.com/crumbl-cookies-have-more-calories-than-big-mac-fans-outraged-2023-10">Did you know a crumbl cookie has like 700 calories in it</a>. I don’t have any real things to say on this because I’ve also never had a crumbl cookie but people like them and <strong>they are mad and shocked that the cookies have so many calories.</strong> This is fair because the official website uses 30g serving sizes (a quarter of a cookie) as a guide, and <strong>I have never eaten a quarter of a cookie in my life if there was a whole cookie to be had.</strong> What is the point?</p></li><li><p>I’ve been writing a letter to my boyfriend each week we’ve been apart and that has been a beautiful exercise that has gotten me thinking about what other <strong>small rituals I can do that mark the passage of time in a loving + expansive way,</strong> and not an ‘oh god time is passing’ kind of way. <strong>I will be bringing an envelope full of the letters directly to him when I next see him.</strong> Jess postal service</p></li><li><p>My boyfriend’s nonna gave me a call to wish me a safe trip before my vacation and she said <strong>I love you for the first time,</strong> and I said I love you back, and it was very easy to say and so sweet.</p></li><li><p>Most of the people I really respect and love in my life are <strong>urging me to quit my job</strong> and do something else that either makes better use of my skills and talents or has a positive impact on society.</p></li><li><p>if you’ve gotten this far, congratulations, I have saved the best (truly) for last, which is an excerpt of the <strong>self-insert animal crossing fanfiction</strong> I wrote and exchanged on an email chain with my friend in the fourth grade:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg" width="1080" height="1069" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1069,"width":1080,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":368519,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/jpeg","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe5f29b80-d86e-4943-895e-0562e4576f45_1080x1069.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">some important notes: my animal crossing town was named Um (concise…esoteric…yes…), “a school based on Animals”… and LAST LINE ALERT!!! I used to have a fanfiction.net account with writing like this and I wish I never became embarrassed about it in high school and kept it around, because I would love to read it now :(</figcaption></figure></div><p>that’s all for this one — thanks for reading as always 💛</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">want to support my fanfiction writing career? get my dispatches in your email below :)</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div></li></ul>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[inhales: everything i read in summer 2024]]></title><description><![CDATA[LOTS OF POETRY!!! and books about weightlifting, parenting, and sexuality]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/making-things-from-books-i-read</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/making-things-from-books-i-read</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 04 Nov 2024 14:36:03 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/30503851-bce4-46cd-9a18-1086deed873e_2862x2160.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I’ve been very excited about this <strong><a href="https://www.ikea.com/ca/en/p/tretakt-plug-with-remote-control-smart-50569730/">$13 smart plug</a></strong> I bought from IKEA so that I can turn my lamp on from across my bedroom without crawling out of bed and into the cold as fall is properly here now, which I can tell by the fact that I’m freezing and pissed when I go outside and because I am sick for the third time in the last two months, which is a new record for me. I used to get sick like this in university but I attribute that to the fact that I wasn’t sleeping back then and <strong>people used to regularly shit in the showers and run away to avoid being caught.</strong></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png" width="705" height="1740" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/dcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1740,"width":705,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1115069,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcaf84fb-3d95-4bd0-90dc-577a86d40a16_705x1740.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">i’ve wanted to make comics regularly for a very long time — but have really struggled to do so. recently it’s become much easier to do when i try to think of drawing it for just one person or with the goal of just making one person laugh. id like to do this as a practice more</figcaption></figure></div><p>This summer, I read <strong>15 books</strong>, including:</p><ul><li><p>3 novels</p></li><li><p>9 poetry collections / field notes / poems</p></li><li><p>3 nonfiction books about women’s sexuality, weightlifting, and parenting</p></li></ul><p>I’ve been thinking about <strong>autoethnographies</strong> in general, and also wanting to do more <strong>playful things</strong> with this newsletter and giving myself more low-stakes opportunities to draw or make something. I recently did some collage-making with some friends and have been getting more into comics lately, so I wanted to try incorporating that into this letter💗</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":3766291,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1789cf3a-9373-4e45-b914-e165df582f54_2400x2400.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">hope u like these new roundup images … i had lots of fun making them</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><h2>fiction</h2><p><strong>⋆</strong><em><strong> <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780593537619">Martyr!</a></strong></em> by <strong>Kaveh Akbar — </strong>finished while recovering from wisdom teeth surgery. In it, Cyrus, an addict obsessed with martyrs, partly from his mother being shot down in a plane when he was a child, travels to Brooklyn to speak with a dying artist. I was at my boyfriend’s house, reading in bed. The quality of light in his room was putting me to sleep. He was calling his friends and his headphones were on and his voice was carrying me like a leaf. I woke up, turned a page, dozed off. I like Kaveh Akbar’s poems— I felt like in some parts of the book he was really <strong>accessing the same register his poems access</strong>, and those were my favourite:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>Grace: that I had enough money to get to Turkey. That I dressed in layers for cold. That long train ride alternating between crying so hard it was hard to tell if I was crying or laughing, and then feeling totally numb, a numb that terrified me with its stillness. Like a dead bird with all its guts scooped out.</p><p>Kaveh Akbar, <em><strong>Martyr!</strong></em></p></blockquote><p><strong>⋆</strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780063320062">Dancer from the Dance</a></strong></em> by <strong>Andrew Holleran — </strong>I read most of this in bed. And the pages smelled good. In 1970s NYC Malone, a beautiful (very important fact) young man immerses himself in the gay scene with Sutherland, a local socialite. I found it enjoyable for its real earnest description of romance, and for the funny parts, but by the end <strong>really wanted it to be over and couldn’t quite articulate why</strong>. But when we read, obviously <strong>how we’re feeling and what our life looks like will colour the entire experience of the reading</strong>. Funny, still:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>“So much raw life. Very Hogarth. Very pretty!” he said, as a man stood shaking his penis against the wind shield of a car stopped for a red light, whose driver, a young woman, stared bravely on into the distance, ignoring its presence.</p><p>Andrew Holleran, <em><strong>Dancer from the Dance</strong></em></p></blockquote><p><strong>⋆ Clarice Lispector</strong>’s <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780811219624">A Breath of Life</a></strong></em> — full of these mysterious fragments — this was the last book written before Lispector’s death. In it, an author creates Angela, who is also a writer, and they speak to each other but not quite. It’s true what they say: <strong>no one else could write a sentence like Clarice Lispector</strong>.</p><h2>nonfiction</h2><p><strong>⋆ </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781982165314">Come As You Are</a></strong></em> by <strong>Emily Nagoski — </strong>which I listened to on my runs, an exploration of female sexuality grounded in scientific research. She discusses how <strong>norms shape women’s sexual experience</strong> and is a real proponent of understanding <strong>your body as the vehicle to taking ownership</strong> of your experience. Informative! Validating! I cried a couple times listening to it. Usually when I am feeling scared or worried about something, learning more about it always makes it less huge and scary.</p><p><strong>⋆ </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780593086957">How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes</a> </strong></em>by <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Melinda Wenner Moyer","id":1441468,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F20df978f-0f50-4d3f-9e17-d4e7bfbe6d97_400x400.jpeg","uuid":"10ea4ee0-4d78-4aa8-a40c-03c12f0c78b9"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> — because I really like her newsletter and because I read an excerpt from it about <strong>siblings torturing each other that made me laugh out loud</strong>. Lots of studies on child development / psychology referenced. Lots of hilarious anecdotes:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":"","type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>One of their house rules was that the television couldn’t be on while either of the kids practiced the piano. Knowing this, my friend devised a devious plan: She waited until right before her brother’s favorite TV show was about to start, and then she announced it was time for her to practice. This wasn’t the first time she’d done it, and this time, her brother began incoherently screaming and opened up the knife drawer—at which point my friend wisely fled out the front door.</p><p>Melinda Wenner Moyer, <em><strong>How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes</strong></em></p></blockquote><p><strong>⋆ </strong><em><strong>The Art of Lifting </strong></em>by <strong>Omar Isuf </strong>and <strong>Greg Nuckols — everyone is really into protein these days, including me, </strong>and this was accessible, informative, and a little bro-ey, but is a pretty no-BS comprehensive introductory guide to strength training and effective lifting strategies. Very practical, which all of my non-fiction books were this season.</p><h2>poetry</h2><p><strong>⋆ </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780393356038">Magdalene: Poems</a></strong></em> by <strong>Marie Howe</strong> — who I think is amazing and who really gets to the bottom of it<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a>. I read some of her poems thinking, wow I love how she writes about sex and the body. And I showed some poems to people I love and I happened to be reading the collection right as one of my writing groups (Boston-based Chickadee Collective, woo!!!) was talking about it. <strong>A sign that it was the right book for the moment.</strong></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>A dim light far in the distance? No. To love—I had to be there. I had to be there to be loved.</p><p>Marie Howe, <em><strong>Magdalene</strong></em></p></blockquote><p><strong>⋆ Don Mckay’s</strong> <em><strong>Vis a Vis: Field Notes on Poetry & Wilderness </strong></em>was cool — a combination of reflections on the creative process and wilderness. My favourite thing in that collection was a poem about Achilles after he loses his dear lover and friend Patroclus. That one went crazy. But I forget what the poem is called. I also read another by Mckay, <em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780771057854">Lurch</a>,</strong></em> and there are a lot of really pretty images in there, with a religious-y vibe about nature if that’s your thing.</p><p>I was in a frenzy trying to finish my library books on time again (<strong>one of my current toxic traits is interpreting the overdue status of my library book as a 30-day extension of my hold since they do not get marked as lost until then</strong>), and many of them were poetry collections from nominees of the Griffin Poetry Prize:</p><p><strong>⋆ </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780143137375">Door</a> </strong></em>by <strong>Ann Lauterbach</strong>, which was mysterious and birdlike and made me think of how <a href="https://griffinpoetryprize.com/poet/ann-lauterbach/">baller she looked while she was reading the poems</a> at the awards ceremony. </p><p><strong>⋆ </strong>I loved <strong>Jorie Graham’s </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781556596773">To 2040</a>, </strong></em>which was this big white hardcover collection that felt like a picture book, and was also birdlike, but heavy with loss. Sarah Howe read in her place at the awards ceremony and she had the <a href="https://youtu.be/or_-_3A3HJo?t=1490">most gorgeous, resonant reading voice</a>. Like <a href="https://youtu.be/HfGf07s7-e4?t=2242">Roger Reeves</a>, <strong>I felt like she was speaking straight into the blood of everyone in the audience</strong><a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-2" href="#footnote-2" target="_self">2</a>. Jorie Graham is old and her voice is so cool. These days I’ve been really into poems that work in a register that sound like how we usually talk or text, or that access some new register that feels SO different…sometimes they feel a bit like a robot or alien sifting through debris from a very long time ago. </p><p><strong>⋆ </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780811231732">Self-Portrait in the Zone of Silence</a></strong></em>, by <strong><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homero_Aridjis">Homero Aridjis</a></strong><em> — </em>the winner of the Griffin prize. The collection is both in Spanish and English with translations side by side. When they announced him winning they said this beautiful thing about butterfly migration and I don’t remember the whole thing, but it feels significant to mention.</p><p><strong>⋆ </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781487003609">Unstable Neighbourhood Rabbit</a></strong></em>, by <strong>Mikko Harvey — </strong>not a Griffin nom, but who I heard about through <a href="https://www.onlypoems.net/poets/mikko-harvey/poems">ONLY POEMS</a> and whose poems are so vulnerable. I liked them:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>Anyway, I do / spend my days / in an office now / and I read / Henri Cole / at night sometimes / and I love / making you cum / more than almost / anything / and I’m talking / to my dad / on Zoom later— / he’s getting surgery, / I’m scared, / and there’s a lot / we haven’t said.</p><p>Mikko Harvey, <em><strong><a href="https://www.onlypoems.net/poets/mikko-harvey/poems">Dirty Poem</a></strong></em></p></blockquote><p><strong>⋆ Sylvie Baumgartel’s </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780374539078">Song of Songs: A Poem</a> — </strong></em>a contemporary rendition of the original biblical text,<strong> which I became obsessed with </strong>right<strong> </strong>after opening it. Such a fun, sexy, unique voice, so immediate, so devoted. I loved it. It reminds me of when <a href="https://lithub.com/ocean-vuong-the-10-books-i-needed-to-write-my-novel/">Ocean Vuong was talking about Jenny Offill’s Dept. of Speculation</a>, reminded him of what words can do — I felt that way about this book. It was so gorgeous and desperate:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>My love is my desire to please you. Love is the desire to please. Love is my body belonging to you. Love is my feet are your feet my hands are your hands my coming is your coming to please you please you my flesh is your flesh my flesh is your flesh my mind is love for you my thoughts are love for you my everything is the desire to love you woof woof woof please please please please. I love you. I love you. A thousand times more today than yesterday. A thousand times more. </p><p>Sylvie Baumgartel, <em><strong>Song of Songs</strong></em></p></blockquote><p><strong>⋆ </strong><em><strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781556595752">Indigo</a></strong></em><strong> </strong>by <strong>Ellen Bass</strong>, which was recommended to me by my friend E who hosted me in Boston for a poetry retreat as a book with <strong>“some of the best horny poems ever”.</strong> I connected with many of them, though not as many were horny in the way I thought they would be. I remember a post going around where people were pissed to have their writing be deemed accessible. Is it really so bad to be accessible? Being able to connect with many people, after all, is what I associate with some of my most generous friends. My favourite poem was the titular <a href="https://poets.org/poem/indigo">Indigo</a>:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff63084ac-6788-484c-8e8c-6fd402049201_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>I want to have married a man who wanted<br>to be in a body, who wanted to live in it so much<br>that he marked it up <em>like a book, underlining,<br>highlighting, writing in the margins, I was here.<br>Not like my dead ex-husba</em>nd, who was always<br>fighting against the flesh, who sat for hours<br>on his zafu chanting <em>om</em> and then went out<br>and broke his hand punching the car.</p><p>Ellen Bass, <em><strong>Indigo</strong></em></p></blockquote><p>It was a difficult but transformative summer, and so were the books I read, and sometimes it is just that way.</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thank you for reading as always 💗 if you enjoyed, put your email in my mailbox and share this with a friend :3</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>i dont really know how to articulate this beyond , her writing makes me see things new and clear. to me she is one of those writers who picks the right..no..the ONLY word… to describe something. i.e., the use of ‘chapped face’ in what the living do</p></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-2" href="#footnote-anchor-2" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">2</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>he had a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jUjp6a5tdY">great acceptance speech</a> too sorry im just so envious of his VOICE</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[getting told to "DO BETTER"]]></title><description><![CDATA[reasons for staying #2: melting cheese, cooking a lot, getting reported for suspicious behaviour]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/getting-told-to-do-better</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/getting-told-to-do-better</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 11 Oct 2024 15:05:48 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><em>hi <3 this is the second installment in my series, reasons for staying, where i write a list of reasons that feel significant to me abt being alive . more or less. hope u like it</em></p><div><hr></div><ul><li><p>the joy in getting any haircut, even a shitty one, even one you give yourself, because you have reinvented yourself mostly under your own terms, is how I get over that brief post-haircut regret, if it happens. I look in the mirror thinking it was a mistake, but then I like it because I was decisive about something for myself. </p></li></ul><ul><li><p>being talked to gently by anyone. a bus driver. your neighbour. a sweet friend.</p></li><li><p>I went with my friend A to see the griffin poetry prize finalists read from their collections. don mckay received the lifetime award and he was delightfully funny and quick, and read this beautiful address about the <strong>whole point of poetry</strong>, and said a funny joke about porn that everyone liked, and then went back to poetry, how it manages to capture the magic in seeing someone handle a bird for the first time, how a can of orange juice was suddenly replaced by a kestrel, how poetry knows its own inadequacy of language to represent these things but still tries anyway</p></li><li><p>sometimes I think of the puzzle of ongoing self care in adulthood by imagining myself as an <strong>animal and a zookeeper</strong> at the same time where I try to keep myself enriched in my own enclosure. like. am I meeting all of my personal health bar requirements. what are those requirements even.</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/421346e8-ff87-4078-8782-3c3be5078904_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/6c376ecd-e609-47cf-b4ad-2a4ffbdb7ca8_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/172ada39-48d0-4f23-823d-32352c9b9983_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/9022e6ce-ade5-4008-8beb-466d3092d39a_2828x3733.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/17331bc4-8d0b-4ec0-9eac-af31eff0bcbd_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d7d02f7f-bc40-4896-8a04-51979cc6bfc8_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/dc65e08f-cf24-48ca-bc54-fdbf146c74a7_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e128440d-aa9e-4525-ae3d-33c2cb9ed3a4_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/17a79b04-fcba-4442-925a-939111e9588b_4000x3000.jpeg"}],"caption":"from left to right: cake i thrashed around on a hot day for s' bday / MY NEIGHBOUR GIVING ME HOMEGROWN PRODUCE / apples from my other coworker b / i made lunch with my friend JT who lives a few floors down / i made dinner with j for his friend a / i grew a little bell pepper / poor bastards / nice day for giving away free shit / tomato salad i only met you this year but i love you","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/a7c1a8ff-6473-4888-991b-622260b35c9f_1456x1454.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div></li></ul><ul><li><p>a friend who works at another consulting firm just showed me a slide that says (completely unironically) HOLISTIC ARSENAL OF INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL ASSETS, which should be your new dating profile bio because it telegraphs INTELLIGENCE, INTRIGUE, AND AMBIGUITY . thank you to corporate business development materials, where you can find sentences that don't say anything, say it in a way that sucks, and still manage a military reference <3</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks for reading my reasons for staying alive!!!!! 💗</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div></li><li><p>I went to boston for a poetry retreat and I went to open a book that had the word butt on its cover and there was a <strong>live spider</strong> inside it and I screamed and closed it but gently so as to not crush it. <strong>the next time we opened it it was gone.</strong></p></li></ul><ul><li><p>I find the word <strong>immaculate, </strong>when used to describe something cool, annoying. Originally I was going to write a list of words I find annoying but mostly I just wanted to write a hate post about the casual use of the word immaculate. I actually think this comes from this guy who slid into my facebook dms when I was in college to tell me he thought I was cute, and I was like, that's nice, and then when I sent him a picture of my Kpop fan art he said, damn, that’s immaculate, and I was like, why did I send you my Kpop fan art?</p></li><li><p>my old roommate C, upon seeing the irrigation syringe I have been using to irrigate my wisdom teeth extraction sockets, said, <strong>I’m not getting my wisdom teeth out. they can stay there.</strong></p></li><li><p>I read poems at an open mic hosted by my friend B and it was a great experience. I was so nervous I blacked out everyone who went before me and then when it was my turn walked up and immediately started talking about how my strava name is <strong>'fart bucket' and how people I knew on the platform were threatening to report me for suspicious behaviour</strong>. J did an improv exercise on stage with an old man in a big white robe and 10+ necklaces and everyone laughed. I saw that old man in the subway months later and the back of his robes said "MI CASA SU CASA". anyway apparently everyone at the function HATED this old man but I thought he was hilarious.</p></li><li><p>at another poetry reading I read at, hosted by my friend E, one of the introduction prompts was to write down and share your flaws. I am chronically late and shared that in the chat, but right after also shared that I can't help but put cheese on everything and everyone only saw THAT one, and <strong>multiple people told me to "do better"</strong></p></li><li><p>my friends and I did some painting outside on tiny canvases and it was a really beautiful and colourful day</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/2a4059e0-3c13-40ae-b546-f232453d1b5d_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/c4647ffa-e87b-4196-8c96-9c08b654f39d_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4a2381c4-eb85-4309-91c6-5ccaa966565e_4000x3000.jpeg"}],"caption":"","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/c5fcea47-ccdf-43a0-afce-9e017016043d_1456x474.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div></li></ul><ul><li><p>my neighbours sent me home with a ton of veggies their friends grew on their balconies and they were really fresh and delicious and I blanched them with ramen for my friends. gramps next door <strong>reminded me multiple times to eat beef liver</strong> (they found out I am iron deficient).</p></li><li><p>I got two different timers (one you rotate on its sides to start a timer, one with a dial) that I adore and I love using. the thing about devices with a specific purpose instead of multiple is that <strong>their purposes are clear and undistracting</strong>, which allows you to focus. like an e-reader!</p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png" width="349" height="135" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":135,"width":349,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":17376,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8bff7d79-12f7-4579-9be7-77958aa7bea1_349x135.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><ul><li><p>I was on the street waiting for someone to buy my desk chair from me (I sold it at a $10 profit which really helped my self esteem) and a chinese granny asked me for help locating a grocery store, and when I didn’t know what store she was talking about she started calling her friend on speaker — whose phone number brought her to an automated chinese voicemail message about bananas with music playing in the background. HELLO the granny said to the automated voice and music. <strong>IS ANYONE THERE. WHY WONT YOU PICK UP.</strong> this was freaking me out because she was clearly talking to an automated message and made me think that we really need to help people with technology. </p></li><li><p>a few hours later I went to my neighbours to help them reset their tv connection and they sent me home with apples. half the produce in my fridge is from their friends. it has been a great relief.</p></li><li><p>speaking of technology my password at work was a numerical variation of 'fartbucket' for a while and <strong>I accidentally typed that into a group chat</strong> with my coworkers, who said, is that seriously your password.</p></li><li><p><strong>apparently one of my top expenses this month is therapy</strong> so that's great. </p></li><li><p>my therapist responds to my emails with this emoji 🧚‍♀️ </p></li><li><p>there are too many consultants whose hobbies are travelling eating at restaurants and tennis. <strong>STOP GOING TO BUSINESS SCHOOL AND SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME WITH OTHER CONSULTANTS!!!!!!!!</strong> </p></li><li><p>i think like 4-5 of my coworkers have gone on mental health leave in like the last 3 weeks. lots of them are joking about quitting but I think it would probably really improve their life if they quit.</p></li><li><p>I saw an improv / skit show with some improv students with my friend D, who is taking improv classes, and at first I was like oh god I don't think i can sit through this. but then I started to really enjoy myself. in my experience it's worth giving most things a try even beyond the point of initial cringe because you really may come around to it eventually. and <strong>what is cringe other than being vulnerable and unpolished…<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a></strong></p></li><li><p>this song that J showed me:</p><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b2736f5c5791c1c1bb9bf2731a66","title":"粉红色的回忆","subtitle":"韩宝仪","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/51ANADklu0a7Ayl0SHQ5WX","belowTheFold":false,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/51ANADklu0a7Ayl0SHQ5WX" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe></li><li><p>I made pumpkin cakes from glutinous rice flour and red bean paste from a pumpkin my neighbour gave me. folks at the client office loved it. our quality assurance analyst said while leaning over my cubicle (in endearing ukranian accent) <strong>OH JESSICA THANK YOU SO MUCH. IT WAS DELICIOUS.</strong> we went bowling and he did this amazing run and jump every time and every time it went into the gutter.</p></li><li><p>another conversation with this coworker — <br>coworker: (looking at my desktop wallpaper of lisa and gaspard) i like that picture. is that yours?<br>me: no, i wish it was!<br>coworker: (smiling) you can do it. anyone can do it. <strong>if you want to paint then you should.</strong></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png" width="694" height="376.07554945054943" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":789,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":694,"bytes":3845147,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F2ae89a61-3c36-4d28-88b2-1078d330e973_1908x1034.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">my work pc desktop wallpaper — lisa and gaspard created by wife and husband Anne Gutman and Georg Hallensleben</figcaption></figure></div></li><li><p>national boyfriend day happened so I sent lunch to J’s house, which he told me was delicious and extremely helpful because it gave him one less thing to worry about. somewhat serendipitously I had spent the day thinking about how I should start planning out what I'm going to cook during the week so that I can prep things in advance, use my produce more efficiently, <strong>and make life easier and more delicious for myself</strong>. I felt so excited about it I bought trout from the market after work and prepped it 3 different ways — ginger and scallion, sweet miso, and soy sauce with honey.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png" width="1129" height="621" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":621,"width":1129,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":515437,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F316615a4-dbd0-4c0b-9e2d-337a1460d8fc_1129x621.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">how i’m currently planning my meals out … wip</figcaption></figure></div></li><li><p>I was thinking about writing a pithy review for the original beetlejuice on letterboxd and while doing this I was pressing my body to the cool glass of my closet door. I had some leftover cheese and spicy rice cakes that I made the other day with J. I ate a little bit of cheese and suddenly I felt like I had energy to do chores even while sick. I feel like energy management = emotional management sometimes. and <strong>emotional management = eating cheese</strong></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png" width="683" height="334" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":334,"width":683,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":42231,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F781338c0-d9d4-4b98-9a1a-80232d862069_683x334.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div></li><li><p>I don't really get the intuitive eating thing when it comes to eating ENOUGH, like, yeah it makes sense to listen to ur body when u are full but if you don't eat for a while or you are distracted then you will just not feel hungry. and u will continue to not feel hungry. not eating will make u feel WORSE. sorry .. <strong>am I making up someone to get mad at..?</strong></p></li><li><p>I made a lot more comics in the last few months than I ever have before. sometimes <strong>the difference between 2 minutes of effort and 10 minutes of effort is VERY great!</strong> my other learning about a consistent small practice for drawing — <strong>I find it so much easier to make things for one specific person instead of an ambiguous “audience”.</strong> it’s much more concrete to think about how to make a loved one laugh instead of trying to be funny online.</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/26dea742-b90f-4504-a71d-8687f576e895_2256x543.png"},{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/22fdd913-e095-437d-8fc8-e47ac54ee275_1080x1080.png"},{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f93c7a6b-1607-49e5-8b28-90924f63da26_1500x500.png"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d9f4c3a4-35f4-4fc2-818f-cb71e9026189_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/8174d997-dce0-438e-afb8-15c9102558a4_2048x1536.jpeg"}],"caption":"I REALLY LOVE MY FOUNTAIN PEN BTW.","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/68708461-71a5-4e54-8b66-b567f88fa175_1456x1210.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div></li><li><p>had a discussion with my friend D and the definition of compassion came up — the working definition is <strong>the ability to sit with suffering without being able to fix it</strong>. which is a very insightful definition because I feel like my tendency is to try and provide solutions for people when it's not my thing to fix</p></li><li><p>I go through cheap grocery store blocks of mozzarella so quickly. maybe 1 block in about 4 days is my speed. <strong>I melt it on everything.</strong> I can't help it.</p></li><li><p><strong><a href="https://poets.org/poem/indigo">this poem</a></strong> by ellen bass</p><div><hr></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks for reading my notes as always and supporting my work <3</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div></li></ul><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>someone said this somewhere but i forget where.</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[is procrastination actually essential for creative work?]]></title><description><![CDATA[is procrastination actually essential for creative work?]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/finding-the-tender-opening</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/finding-the-tender-opening</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Thu, 26 Sep 2024 15:18:54 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/b5b5a2ad-2705-465a-a516-1f0d1c60ed86_1456x1048.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>In my first year of college I woke up 18 minutes before my macroeconomics final believing it was around 2:30 AM, which is what I had set my alarm to (I hadn’t) for a quick nap to refresh myself before I continued cramming for the exam. I had studied a total of 30 minutes that entire term (from 1:30 AM to 2:00 AM that same morning for an exam scheduled at 9:30 AM) and now there was no more time, so I walked to my exam, ate a granola bar, and thought about what to do. Outside the classroom, I bumped into my classmate Jason who asked me if I was ready and I lied and said yes, very, and smiled big at him and then guessed my way through the entire exam in a fog of denial that was almost religious.</p><p>My habit of procrastination has made life very difficult in some ways. And in others it was the only way to get to the “answer” in my creative work<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a>. But is it necessary?</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">subscribe for more notes, drawings, roundups of books, poetry…. whatever !!!</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><h2>is procrastination essential for creative endeavours?</h2><p>Stanford Professor <a href="http://john.jperry.net">John Perry</a> has a <a href="https://structuredprocrastination.com">delightful little essay</a> (on an equally delightful webpage) about structured procrastination. In it, he has pasted a neat old picture with a tasteful yellow shadow where he practices jumping rope with a line of seaweed in a smart red jacket on the beach instead of doing whatever work he needs to be doing. </p><p>His essay, too, was penned in lieu of more pressing work that he was meant to be doing:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/a1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa1add509-b3bb-4f36-9bb6-b14effef7048_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>I have been intending to write this essay for months. Why am I finally doing it? Because I finally found some uncommitted time? Wrong. I have papers to grade, textbook orders to fill out, an NSF proposal to referee, dissertation drafts to read. I am working on this essay as a way of not doing all of those things. This is the essence of what I call structured procrastination, an amazing strategy I have discovered that converts procrastinators into effective human beings, respected and admired for all that they can accomplish and the good use they make of time. All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him do it. However, the procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important.</p></blockquote><p>So it's not just that procrastinating can be helpful for creative work — they can be essential. In Miranda July's quirky collection of interviews, <em><strong>It Chooses You</strong>,</em> which is basically <em>Humans of New York </em>before <em>Humans of New York</em>, featuring New York's <em><a href="https://www.pennysaverusa.com">PennySaver</a></em> magazine, which July read obsessively while wretchedly avoiding finishing the play she was supposed to be working on. I love her writing style — I find it funny and honest:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F4e93340c-b6d2-4c45-8b36-6b709ea5f0a4_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>This story takes place in 2009, right after our wedding. The story of us now felt like the real plot of my life, which was, terrifyingly, the most incredible, joyful thing that had ever happened to me. I had once feared that love would take me away from my solitary world of work; now I often regretted that it hadn’t. There was still a dogged insistence on going to the little house each day, as cold and miserable as it was. I worked on my screenplay at the kitchen table, or in my old bed with its thrift-store sheets. Or, as anyone who has tried to write anything recently knows, these are the places where I set the stage for writing but instead looked things up online.</p></blockquote><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":3770231,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe0651299-4fba-4112-a6d1-91543dbb697e_1536x2048.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">a picture from <em>It Chooses You</em> by Miranda July. with a really sweet set of postcards that one of the characters, Joe, made for his wife</figcaption></figure></div><p>It was through calling these people from the <em>PennySaver</em>, interviewing them, and listening to their very interesting, sometimes mundane, but very human stories was July finally able to finish her play, and, in fact, cast someone from the magazine in the movie she was directing. None of which would have been possible without the <em>PennySaver</em> and her obsessive reading of it. Which is to say, it does choose you, really, in the same way that creativity may choose you at any moment, but only if you are sitting in a tender, lucky opening of the world where you can hear it.</p><h2>the role of nonlinear thinking; or wandering</h2><p>How you get to that tender, delicious opening of being able to work, though, is uncertain. Sometimes you will find yourself in that situation <strong>because</strong> of procrastination, and that will always be somewhat unintentionally, which is the problem. Procrastination is just a vehicle. It may take you somewhere, but when you choose to walk down an unknown path yourself, you can choose how you walk down it, what you stop to look at, what to take back with you.</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ab4d19e1-781c-4d0e-bd63-d342d6aa584a_1000x1000.png"},{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/dfbd2db4-f2c7-4cfa-9327-76e170eea8aa_1000x1000.png"}],"caption":"wandering (unintentional) vs. wandering with constraints (intentional)","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4b170b0c-4fab-4c0c-9d51-4b594e17784f_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p>But sometimes you do get called to wander: learning a new recipe, making banana bread with the bananas sitting on the counter, those, too, are calling to me urgently, to read a poem from a book laying flat on my desk, that poem that has been wanting to be read for who knows how long, to drop by the library next door to pick up my newest holds and not read my other books long past overdue. The calling gives me a reason to keep going. In high school I once told a friend I didn't think I could ever kill myself if new Pokémon games kept being released. Silly, but I still think there's too much worth experiencing. Better to head down that path of experience, or in the direction that moves you, like nearly stepping on a snail in the sidewalk, tugging J down to look at it, J turning around and counting all the snails that suddenly were, because we were looking for them, visible. I touched a shell and it felt hollow, its lightness, and wanted to transfer the snail to the grass so someone else wouldn't step on him, but he was really sticky, and I didn't want to rip him in half, so I left him. They walk so slow, I said. I know, J said.</p><div><hr></div><p>The whole thing about creative work is that I think, to a degree, you're not fully conscious of all your choices. It is instinct, like when you're drawing and you put the lines where they're supposed to go, or when you're cooking and you taste and you add salt and you taste and it tastes good and then you stop. Deviating from the path, then, regardless of how you came to get there, is where your mind makes unexpected connections. There are a lot of interesting poetry exercises that I've done based on free associations, where the point is not to think, but to tumble down a pathway slightly too fast, and then look back and see where you are:</p><ul><li><p><strong>Writing Between the Lines: </strong><em>Choose a poem of between ten and twenty lines. Between the lines, fill in a new line, based on or suggested by the original line. Use the original, don't merely be used by it.</em> — J. D. McClatchy<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-2" href="#footnote-2" target="_self">2</a></p></li><li><p><strong>Breaking The Sentence: </strong><em>Write a poem that is simply a list of things.</em> — Roger Mitchell</p></li><li><p><strong>A Poem that Scares You: </strong><em>Write a poem that scares you.</em> — Sandra McPherson</p></li></ul><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":19859,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F176fe8e9-001c-42f7-861a-d8a4c52f5561_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>So pushing things off, then, is only one of the many ways to access that sticky spiral of nonlinear thinking. It is not really about pushing things off. It is about seeking experience. Go moisturize. Walk outside and push the pedestrian walkway button and listen to its hard beep. Eat a pastry with cheese in it without doing anything else. Cry in bed. Make banana bread when there’s other work to be done. Eat the banana bread. Slice it up and give it to people. Lots of ideas for creative projects come to me while away from the desk, like, as soon as I sit down on the toilet, a creative problem I've been puzzling over for days suddenly clicks into place. Whatever extra life you live when not working will make it into your final product somehow. Within some contexts, like with Miranda July's revelation, it becomes the only way that you could have made the work. </p><p>However — putting things off is not practical, and often harms your mental wellbeing, which you need in order to make things (it's true! sad poetry be damned!) You probably won't have an amazing revelation every time you put off working on something. If you do, that revelation is more likely to be, <em>holy fuck I need to stop putting things off</em>. But how?</p><h2>getting lost</h2><p>A few challenges with putting things off "for the sake of the work":</p><ul><li><p>it sucks lol it feels really bad</p></li><li><p>Not all work requires wandering; if you have to clean your toilet, you have to clean your toilet. If you have to do your expenses, there's not much that can help you other than sitting down and doing them. How much work are you avoiding because it doesn't feel good to do or think about?</p></li><li><p>It’s not far from actively avoiding creative work. With the majority of the time I spend avoiding creative work, I'm also not really living a richer life; I tap around inanely on my phone. I lay around in bed anxiously and think about how to word the feelings to my therapist. I distractedly clean the house in 3 times the amount of time it actually takes if I don't apply a sacred care or focus to it. The work, too, takes much longer and is stickier and harder to face when distracted, because being distracted makes it hard to reach into yourself and pull out something good.</p></li></ul><h2>finding the tender opening</h2><p>I've tried many things to kick the procrastination habit over the years. Eating the frog, trying a task for just 2 minutes, filming myself so I can't touch my phone. They sometimes work. But I still put things off. It's true — procrastination can lead you to a lot of interesting things. But you are not the one leading. <strong>It is not necessary.</strong></p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/dbbb722c-314a-4ef8-8655-0b713a99790d_1000x1000.png"},{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/bd4889b5-c924-4bac-8f70-9660f3a64e3c_1000x1000.png"}],"caption":"emotional management expands possibility, productivity hacks do not","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/48cdf1dd-d0dc-4b2e-b937-6f456df7717e_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p><a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10049005/">Studies increasingly show that procrastination is about managing and regulating negative emotions</a>. I am starting to think most things about being a functional adult are just about recognizing your emotions and allowing yourself to experience them without judgment. This is why I have a distaste for 'productivity hacks' as a solution. They can temporarily help you focus, but they often don't address how you work with the feelings that cause procrastination. </p><p>So it becomes a balancing act of probabilities: though time spent on creative work does not equal a proportionate output of creative work, the more time you spend on creative work, the more likely you are to create something. If you try at it for long enough, then, you may find a little pearl of time, an opening of calmness, or maybe forgiveness. Enough to slip through and try at the task. </p><p>Ending with this <strong><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/Music/comments/518ws9/ama_im_singer_and_songwriter_bjork_and_im_here_to/">björk</a> </strong>quote that I love and think about often:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F76352a6c-f716-46a5-8435-a343df453c3f_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>i think creativity always lives somewhere in everyone but its nature is quite pranksterish and slippery and everytime u grab its tail its found a nu corner to thrive in . perhaps the trick is not to force it and put it up against a wall and want it to be in a particular area . but rather w a lot of kindness sniff it out and wonder where it has gone to this time around . if its in sauce recipes , writing theatre plays , papermache improv w nephews , discovering nu hiking routes or simply trying to figure out a family members sense of humour . </p></blockquote><p>So with kindness - walk toward it, even if you are not sure exactly where it is. And then keep walking.</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks for reading 🍎💗</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>for example. i put off working on this essay for 3 months 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁</p></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-2" href="#footnote-anchor-2" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">2</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>all of these exercises are from <em>The Practice of Poetry</em>, edited by Robin Behn and Chase Twichell</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[i read some of the best writing about joy]]></title><description><![CDATA[reading about friends, joy, the vagina, the love of men, and women]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/things-i-read-winter-to-spring-2024</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/things-i-read-winter-to-spring-2024</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 16 Jun 2024 19:43:33 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/8dca42de-98c4-4ac5-933d-c3864015c6b4_2862x2160.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":819,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":5612919,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fd85f9e01-411b-4f9f-b7da-9c2581204d73_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Hey — it’s basically summer. We just got a heat warning for next week. I’m very scared to return to work (though this is unrelated to the heat).</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png" width="970" height="152" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":152,"width":970,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":32176,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F288b9c20-4dce-4c53-ab8b-5da31a7ba551_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>But I started February by reading <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781662602320">Do You Remember Being Born</a> by Sean Michaels, which I was excited for because it was new and I hadn’t read a new book in a while, and there were parts of it that were generated by AI, but then I found it just okay, though I liked reading it on the subway. Then, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780593133385">Detransition, Baby</a> by Torrey Peters, the first audiobook that I ever listened to on Libby, which kickstarted what is now a really enjoyable practice of listening to audiobooks when I bike and run. </p><p>After this, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780593184189">Flawless: Lessons in Looks and Culture from the K-Beauty Capital</a> by Elise Hu, with some very interesting parts, but whose style I really struggled to get into. Sometimes I pick up books because I’m craving a really biting perspective and I’m often disappointed when I don’t find it, which is silly, because picking up books to try to affirm what you already believe makes it hard to look for something new, and what I think is sort of the point of reading in the first place. Then, <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.ca/books/562653/passing-for-human-by-liana-finck/9780525508939">Passing for Human</a> by Liana Finck, which had a very dear art style and some very dear panels. I listened to Emma Cline’s <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780812988024">The Girls</a>, and she has a compulsively readable, economical writing style that I like, and she loves to use the word “idiot”, and makes me think about how some writers really like certain words and use them a lot, and once you notice those words you see the, everywhere. And that makes me think of what my most loved words to use are, and if they piss people off.</p><p>A couple more volumes of <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781593074708">Berserk</a> (11 and 12 and 13) by Kentaro Miura, which is starting to get very good. He’s all about despair. Then a $40 copy of The Guest that I bought at a bookstore after travelling for work during a very hot summer day last year, when I was miffed about work and it was compulsively readable. I felt like I was on a sick precipice while reading it.</p><p>I listened to <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781250872296">Toad</a> by Katherine Dunn; I found it goopy and gross and occasionally funny, but really hard to listen to — probably best read from the library with a copy that smells bad. I told like three people about Dunn’s mother throwing a screwdriver at her, which successfully impales her leg, and said, isn’t that crazy, each time. Then <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781643753041">Inciting Joy</a> by Ross Gay, which, like most Ross Gay essays in general, I found really gorgeous, held my hand during an important time, and kept making me cry. I listened to Emily Ratajkowski’s <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781250848932">My Body</a>, and then finished reading <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781250280916">The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center</a>, which I started on a friends trip to Chicago, and finished right as spring was pushing through the cold.</p><p>While waiting for a very late streetcar in the rain for B’s dumpling party, I read <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781935536260">Begging for It</a> by Alex Dimitrov, which I didn’t like, but whose poems sometimes really feel like they Get to the Bottom of It All, for a brief hot flash, which I guess is the whole point of poetry sometimes. I listened to Jen Gunter’s <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780806539317">The Vagina Bible</a>, which happened to be on the front page of Libby’s audiobooks, and it was informative, clarifying, and reassuring. I forget that reading does that for me sometimes.</p><p>While waiting for J to finish his shift at work I read most of <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780811237475">The Love of Singular Men</a> by Victor Heringer, which was recommended by <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Celine Nguyen","id":2538585,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5c59070d-58d7-42e3-abab-c66866275c80_1121x1123.jpeg","uuid":"7963d3c6-74c8-48a1-8626-44d2a418fa25"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> to her readers and which was interesting — there’s a section where he asked people to send him names of their loved ones and it is a singularly gorgeous, cheeky couple of pages.</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/3dfcc253-1ae1-4ee3-8cc0-a828e4344700_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e61f3145-218e-4ddd-93e5-b349c096cf6e_4000x3000.jpeg"}],"caption":"from victor heringer's the love of singular men","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4ed6c86b-ffd2-4baa-bfbc-30fc04fc2d9b_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p>I listened to <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780812981605">The Power of Habit</a> by Charles Duhigg while I was running in the mornings and found it interesting. Running, for me, felt like it just sort of fell into my lap — but then I think about how my coworkers were all talking about it, and how my brother and sister in law have been doing it for a decade, and that I ended up buying running shoes a few months prior, and how I felt much, much better and more sane if I ran before going to work, and then I realize that I, without really thinking about it, was priming myself very well to take on running and to stick with it. And that makes me wonder how I might do that for myself with other habits that I find insurmountable. </p><p>I read <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781556595998">Love and Other Poems</a>, also by Alex Dimitrov, which were fun poems and which I will probably read out loud for this newsletter just to try it out, why not. I sat down during one of the last days of my work project on the couch and flipped to the first page of <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781683964261">Stone Fruit</a> by Lee Lai, and then read the entire thing through in one sitting, almost in a daze, it was late afternoon. There’s an exchange between sisters in there about showing up that stuck with me a lot, that sometimes it’s about the fact that you consistently show up instead of how you show up that matters, and how it’s hard to put that into practice. Then I read <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781250252661">In Limbo</a> by Deb JJ Lee, which has art in it where you’re like, seriously?! you did this for every panel?!</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg" width="860" height="602" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":602,"width":860,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":null,"alt":"Page from In Limbo","title":null,"type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="Page from In Limbo" title="Page from In Limbo" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F54be9ce6-c8ea-4cd8-914c-bbd2454ee036_860x602.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">page from Deb JJ Lee’s beautifully illustrated In Limbo</figcaption></figure></div><p>It was a weird couple months and continues to be a weird couple months — but despite this reading has been good. </p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks for reading as always 💗</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><p></p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[cancel spotify smart shuffle]]></title><description><![CDATA[reasons for staying #1: drawings / photos / notes]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/reasons-for-staying-1</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/reasons-for-staying-1</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Fri, 07 Jun 2024 18:36:04 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<ul><li><p>for a few months i wasn’t adding any added sugar or honey to my oats in the morning as an effort to reduce sugar, and recently have been looking for little snacks in the house that provide a bit of extra sweetness or crunch, which maybe defeats the purpose of the exercise and maybe says something about habits or willpower but really does make it yummy</p></li><li><p>i was sending my work team their daily horoscope and that was one of the most worthwhile things i was doing some days at the office. i don’t think i know very many people with office jobs who are having that much fun</p></li><li><p>went to my friend d’s house to draw out some core values of our friendship and what we wanted our friendship to look like in the future and it was a really joyful exercise</p></li></ul><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ae3dae0a-9238-4f09-bbbe-0a56262b5b4e_3024x4032.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/30af424e-17cf-4f93-963c-7cbf0e3c4a40_2048x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e5400ba9-784e-4368-ac77-14ee37e9193c_2048x2048.jpeg"}],"caption":"","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/4b3c63de-367c-43e6-9fa2-f9f6d51cc56c_1456x474.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><ul><li><p>i was thinking about systems and structures and how i wanted this post and future posts to look and how i would form a disciplined habit of working on these posts so they would be regular and how i could try to make that a daily practice and then i thought i should get over myself, again, and just do something instead of thinking about it, even if unpolished</p></li><li><p>i have 3 pairs of socks that are my favourite and they are all the same.</p></li><li><p>i had a note to write about my dream but this is all it said: plastic surgery dream with lisa and sandy and the popcorn chicken thing</p></li><li><p>my brother ran the marathon and we just made it out of the apartment in time to cheer him on , and after we had burgers which were delicious and salty and then i was thirsty for the entire walk home and also the entire day, and J was laughing about how my “whole thing that day” was that i was thirsty , like that was my weekend episode , being thirsty</p></li><li><p>to contradict myself above i think doing structure and doing things in small increments is more important than having the right approach or wanting to do something. motivation will only get u so far, though it is a very very important step, as mentioned by <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Celine Nguyen","id":2538585,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5c59070d-58d7-42e3-abab-c66866275c80_1121x1123.jpeg","uuid":"1919da6e-bc8f-4927-9e02-bf910625d273"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>’s in how to change your life part 2. u need structure in ur life to do things u want. like solidifying a new habit. reaching out to friends. i want to do something now ; i want to walk in the direction without focusing on the outcome</p><div class="embedded-post-wrap" data-attrs="{"id":143336205,"url":"https://www.personalcanon.com/p/how-to-change-your-life-part-2-on","publication_id":2160572,"publication_name":"personal canon","publication_logo_url":"https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb3a636b8-20e2-4830-8a1a-6960cbbd728d_400x400.png","title":"how to change your life, part 2: agnes callard's aspiration","truncated_body_text":"On Monday I woke up at 5am, wrote from 6–7am, and then headed into work. This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve tried to have a writing schedule like this. Indeed, it often feels as if the last decade of my life was a long, ineffectual struggle between wanting to write and wanting to be peaceful, lazy, leisurely, still. Was it all laziness? Part of i…","date":"2024-04-11T14:01:26.118Z","like_count":117,"comment_count":21,"bylines":[{"id":2538585,"name":"Celine Nguyen","handle":"celinenguyen","previous_name":"Celine Nguyen ✿","photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5c59070d-58d7-42e3-abab-c66866275c80_1121x1123.jpeg","bio":"Designer and writer in San Francisco. I write about literature, design, fashion, phenomenology, perfume, and Proust 💞","profile_set_up_at":"2021-10-06T10:49:56.566Z","publicationUsers":[{"id":2169524,"user_id":2538585,"publication_id":2160572,"role":"admin","public":true,"is_primary":false,"publication":{"id":2160572,"name":"personal canon","subdomain":"personalcanon","custom_domain":"www.personalcanon.com","custom_domain_optional":false,"hero_text":"finding meaning in life through literature, art, design, and culture ✦✧ through weekly posts and enthusiastic conversations","logo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/b3a636b8-20e2-4830-8a1a-6960cbbd728d_400x400.png","author_id":2538585,"theme_var_background_pop":"#45D800","created_at":"2023-12-07T01:32:50.580Z","rss_website_url":null,"email_from_name":"personal canon ✦✧ by celine nguyen ","copyright":"Celine Nguyen","founding_plan_name":null,"community_enabled":true,"invite_only":false,"payments_state":"disabled","language":null,"explicit":false,"is_personal_mode":false}}],"twitter_screen_name":"mynameisceline","is_guest":false,"bestseller_tier":null}],"utm_campaign":null,"belowTheFold":false,"type":"newsletter","language":"en"}" data-component-name="EmbeddedPostToDOM"><a class="embedded-post" native="true" href="https://www.personalcanon.com/p/how-to-change-your-life-part-2-on?utm_source=substack&utm_campaign=post_embed&utm_medium=web"><div class="embedded-post-header"><img class="embedded-post-publication-logo" src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_56,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb3a636b8-20e2-4830-8a1a-6960cbbd728d_400x400.png"><span class="embedded-post-publication-name">personal canon</span></div><div class="embedded-post-title-wrapper"><div class="embedded-post-title">how to change your life, part 2: agnes callard's aspiration</div></div><div class="embedded-post-body">On Monday I woke up at 5am, wrote from 6–7am, and then headed into work. This isn’t the first time in my life I’ve tried to have a writing schedule like this. Indeed, it often feels as if the last decade of my life was a long, ineffectual struggle between wanting to write and wanting to be peaceful, lazy, leisurely, still. Was it all laziness? Part of i…</div><div class="embedded-post-cta-wrapper"><span class="embedded-post-cta">Read more</span></div><div class="embedded-post-meta">a year ago · 117 likes · 21 comments · Celine Nguyen</div></a></div><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/70f8998d-515b-4ea5-88c4-55322f76fb6f_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/40f9e33e-47fb-48a1-8b7e-c1d36cacf2b8_3000x4000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/c47e33a1-6ae8-4bf8-8327-d3c8ecfd5106_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/a625025a-b1e4-4a94-b609-29f9dd4d3f4c_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/cba9987a-27b5-4e4d-a544-72355f72b401_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/d06b3fac-930b-475c-9479-2089c9b75d30_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7ee040ab-5f2b-4380-b380-c60a71e2f63a_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/8c62ce90-94c6-411a-9bbb-f9bb06a24fac_4000x3000.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/20a5d4b5-9217-40b7-b500-4738fa958b21_4000x3000.jpeg"}],"caption":"charlie in the backyard / a good use for crates / cake cut with more (?) slices / oyakodon i made for myself and j / corner of the apartment i like to look at / tomatoes at the farmers market and perfect lettuce / reading club where we saw like 3 micro-celebrities / tulips / subway late at night ","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/6e634d0a-9021-49dd-bc80-ac2986f6a029_1456x1454.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div></li><li><p>for lunch I packed 4 chicken nuggets 1 chicken tender a pear and a banana and told everybody about it multiple times even though it’s not that cool to do this</p></li><li><p>while on the phone i asked J why he didn’t tell me I was taking the blankets all night and he said i didn’t want to wake you</p></li><li><p>i chased after my manager a whole block shouting, HEY. HEY. HEY. all the way down the street because he didn’t wait for me to grab coffee and i recognized his gait from far away, which made me feel like i knew him well</p></li></ul><div class="captioned-button-wrap" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/p/reasons-for-staying-1?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share","text":"Share"}" data-component-name="CaptionedButtonToDOM"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">if u are liking this , give this a share with ur pals why dont u <3 </p></div><p class="button-wrapper" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/p/reasons-for-staying-1?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share","text":"Share"}" data-component-name="ButtonCreateButton"><a class="button primary" href="https://dessin.substack.com/p/reasons-for-staying-1?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&action=share"><span>Share</span></a></p></div><ul><li><p>after bjj i stood up to bow out and thought i might throw up and had visions of biking home and throwing up in a bush but didn’t so that was a big win.</p></li><li><p>i got a new fountain pen and was drawing with it upside down enraged about the quality of pens these days (have never used a fountain pen btw) and then watched a video of someone using it the right way and now i really like it</p></li><li><p>comics from the last couple months (i have been trying to do it daily but haven’t done it , but have done more than nothing , which is more than last year)</p></li></ul><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/a009dbf9-9d83-4a46-8185-01577de8b7a0_2048x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/c29782b6-7faf-48ca-8c59-63c1510c1824_2048x2048.jpeg"}],"caption":"","alt":"","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/3fc02150-0b88-4af7-a67d-b47bf1ef0105_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><ul><li><p>hey bestie remember do what makes your soul shine master mechanic</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/cabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":false,"imageSize":"normal","height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":3366812,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/jpeg","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fcabed5cb-4f92-4a29-b2f3-1afa6fb68824_4000x3000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div></li><li><p>i always bring two books with me on the subway or train in case i might finish my book (which i never do), but i feel faith in this compulsion, that i know this about myself intimately that on the slim chance i finish a book, i might like something else to read, and what if something happens, like a delay or closure, which would suck but also be a reason to read more</p></li><li><p>it’s so much easier and less scary to make something creative for a little audience, like writing letter to J or cobbling together a postcard for the friends who come to the reading club my roommate C and i host every friday. and then i think maybe i might have an easier time coaxing out <a href="https://dessin.substack.com/p/saying-the-beasts-name-to-befriend">that little beast</a> again by just making something for the sake of other people and their joy instead of ambition and see what happens</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":819,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":3482956,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F713680c9-004b-44a6-a269-0d486a266164_1920x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">reading club x vicky our dj</figcaption></figure></div><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/efaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":819,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":2958194,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fefaec40b-9d23-483c-9804-75321c9ede59_1920x1080.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">reading club x potluck</figcaption></figure></div></li><li><p>the bikeshare system downtown, despite every bike’s sticky handles, is easy to use and has saved me time and money and ferries me around the city at the perfect speed to admire buildings and dogs but still get to where i’m going three times faster than walking</p></li><li><p>this app called finch where you can send your friends unlimited encouragement. my user name of the month is fart bucket, and sometimes he sends me messages that remind me of my friend S who puts periods at the end of casual texts and is famously known for doing so</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png" width="1080" height="236" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":236,"width":1080,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":93288,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F89403a4e-7a33-49e5-8249-0857f286c4f8_1080x236.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div></li><li><p>this trick i learned with rice and barley and the fact that you can put them in socks when you need a cheap little heat compress when you’re in pain and how it’s such an easy relief that you can toss in the microwave</p></li><li><p>the way boursin is packaged really annoys me. its so hard to take out of the box because its soft and theres no way to not get it on your hands. and stuffing it back into the box only to try and dig it out later is a punishment</p></li><li><p>the old guitarist in my band deleted a playlist he made for me full of songs with interesting piano / organ parts and i hadn’t saved the songs, but in looking for it and not finding it i remembered that i was really pleased that he had taken the time to make me a playlist in the first place </p></li><li><p>spotify should not automatically give u smart shuffle when you click the shuffle button. thats not what i wanted it to do and now people think i listen to too sweet by hozier</p></li></ul><div><hr></div><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks for reading as always . if u like it, why dont u put ur email in this box</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><p>this is a new section of the newsletter that i’m trying out — an expanded gratitude journal / art log / autoethnography whatever. i used to combine my essays and what i was listening to / enjoying / obsessed with / what i had made that week (gallery / reasons for staying / etc etc), but i thought giving myself more room to write about this might be fun. and it was. and i absolutely owe this one to <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"scaachi","id":5987039,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/70d2cad3-d14c-4279-a47a-512ab5573e05_181x181.jpeg","uuid":"c6b1fefe-179c-42ae-9cc2-f4a62af983ec"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> and <span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"Mackenzie Thomas","id":25723483,"type":"user","url":null,"photo_url":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/238ac798-ccc1-4c13-91ed-c38879c6803c_828x933.jpeg","uuid":"2553fb19-a08c-4b32-b8d4-af959cdb636e"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span> for their really sexy & hilarious bullet lists. let me know what you think - it’ll probably look different the next time i do it :) kiss !</p>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[when i grow up i want to write a to do list]]></title><description><![CDATA[i went to a lecture series and then walked in circles and then thought about clichés]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/when-i-grow-up-i-want-to-write-a</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/when-i-grow-up-i-want-to-write-a</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Tue, 07 May 2024 12:52:02 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F238897c1-296f-4757-a93d-d81307a1be95_1536x2048.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>title of this essay is pulled from <a href="https://www.chenchenwrites.com">chen chen</a>’s poetry collection, <em><a href="https://www.chenchenwrites.com/books">when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities</a></em></p><div><hr></div><p>Hey — I went to an amateur lecture series that Sheila Heti started many years ago and this guy talked about Wu Wei, which I didn’t know much about, and which the lecturer also didn’t know much about, but on purpose. He took out his digital camera and asked everyone to make the sound of an animal (a special kind of animal, like the animal you wanted to be, or were in another life, or the animal you’d see right before you die, something like that) for his video, and everyone did it very earnestly. He talked about the irresistible pull of walking past a bookstore twice. He wore sunglasses and everyone coveted them. He read from a folded piece of paper everyone thought was blank.</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">dessin is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><p>At the center of his lecture was pre-existing momentums. He talked about movement, dancing along with the rhythms of life. I have a compulsive habit of trying to plan and quantify where I end up, by setting measurable goals at the beginning of the year and dividing each goal into months and then weeks, which is silly, because it doesn’t work, and sometimes makes me pissed off, but I do it because it’s immersive and motivating and turns me in a direction that I feel good about and want to walk in. Even if you try hard, even if you set intentions you might not know where you end up. Things change. Ideas jostle each other for light. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg" width="500" height="500" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":500,"width":500,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":null,"alt":"Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You","title":null,"type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You" title="Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F9a6861a0-14be-4b91-9346-e4bc4d9fac7f_500x500.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">the cover of big thief’s dragon new warm mountain that i love. at the record store J pointed at the bear’s butt and said, i like his butt</figcaption></figure></div><p>At the lecture series I also bumped into the ex-bookstore owner who hosted the first poetry reading I ever read at. They were wearing red glasses. I said hello, you hosted a poetry reading that I read at a few years ago, you’re friends with my old professor, etc. etc. it’s lovely to meet you, finally. It was a a lukewarm conversation at best, but afterward they approached me and said, Jessica? and I said, yep, and they said, I remembered you while I was peeing, go figure — I remember you, I loved that chapbook! and asked me about my writing. </p><p>I have not been doing it at all. You can make the argument that living is writing, that spending time with the world is writing, and I agree, in the same way that thinking is writing and reading is writing but it is not actually putting your pen to a page, or crytyping in your Apple Notes or whatever. But I also think it’s easy to get mired in a “I’ll write when I feel inspiration or motivation,” and who knows when those things will return?</p><p>I often worry that I’ll never be able to write with the same liquidity or ease as before I started a full time job, which is silly; before what? Before I started spending most of my time working? Before I lived through some sticky, blooming, and transformative experiences? Before I read some of the most gorgeous poetry of my life? to which I said out loud, oh it’s just a bit challenging because of work. And they said, it always is when you’re just figuring out how to survive. Which was comforting to hear, and also definitely a cliché, and what I find myself bucking up against; I don’t want to be a cliché because I think it will erode my sense of self. But you can certainly do things that people have done before, and you will. What is a cliché other than joining all these people before you who have experienced the same thing? Other than opening a door to a party where everyone knows you and eases you down onto a couch and puts a plate in your hands and tells you to eat whatever you like, as much as you like?</p><p>Shying away from clichés, particularly more visible ones, I think, is how we hold onto power when it feels like we don’t have any — over our time, over our money, over the direction of our lives. Much of what we’re living feels overwritten already — worrying about whether your actions are in line with your values and whether they look like they’re in line with your values, gunning it toward a house in the suburbs, hovering over an exclamation point in an email, in the perfect social media caption…</p><blockquote><p>There were girls here, too, girls in silver hoop earrings with center-parted hair, girls who wore T-shirts and thick American blue jeans and penny loafers. They had already absorbed whatever information existed about how they should be in the world, what was correct. They looked so at ease, so casually pretty. Was their skin naturally good, or was it medical intervention, mothers who steered them to dermatologists’ offices at any sign of imperfection? She assumed they were Jack’s age, but how did the girls seem this much older, this confident? This was another strata than Margaret’s, several degrees closer to cultural power.</p><p><strong>Emma Cline</strong>, <em>The Guest</em></p></blockquote><p>Other clichés I’m falling into: I’ve been writing this newsletter in breaks during work on my phone, and in my underwear while getting ready for work in the morning. I feel like I’m living maybe the most ‘optimized’ of lives<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a> that fits snugly into the corporate cliché: squeezing in workouts in the morning, listening to an audiobook on my bike. A character in Emma Cline’s The Guest does that and he sucks, I hate him.</p><blockquote><p>Simon was working, or pedaling away in the gym in front of one of the movies he watched in thirty-minute increments on the treadmill. Even exercising wasn’t enough: every moment had to be leveraged, squeezed tighter.</p><p><strong>Emma Cline</strong>, <em>The Guest</em></p></blockquote><p>My roommate C and I went to pick up a magazine rack from Facebook marketplace and I was put off by the interaction because of how rushed it felt — it was a handmade wooden rack painted green with weird but nice knobs, and I was expecting, for some reason, some kind of conversation about how it was made. But the previous owner was moving and probably very stressed and the rack was really very nice. And we are slowly accumulating fun pieces in the apartment, which feels nice too. Is that taste? In Emma Cline’s <em>The Guest</em>, there are teeny markers of taste scattered across the beaches, in everyone’s homes, in the dog that is no one’s dog, the green sunglasses, the little heavy animal figurine given as a gift and then no longer. And throughout that book, protagonist Alex flitting from person to person, taking advantage, treading a constant, sinking feeling of going nowhere. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":379081,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/jpeg","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1f1445b5-a6d1-435a-b17c-dd3add8e89b5_1536x2048.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">w/ <a href="https://www.kernelmag.io">kernel mag</a>, whose <a href="https://www.kernelmag.io/issues/4">4th issue</a> is now out!</figcaption></figure></div><p>At the beginning of January this year I wrote out an incomplete, unsorted list of intentions for the year:</p><ol><li><p><s>get a media unit with space for books</s></p></li><li><p>take better care of my shoes and listen to my coworker B on how to take better care of my shoes</p></li><li><p>take better care, period (of my loved ones, of my things, of myself)</p></li><li><p>last year i tried hard to walk in the direction of things that would bring me new experiences, or open up my world more. To keep doing that — but also recognize the value of walking the same pathways, running water through them, putting work into something big over time</p></li><li><p>read at least 50 books and talk about lots of them with my roommate C</p></li><li><p>build or place some planters on the balcony of our apartment and start learning how to garden as it gets warmer </p></li><li><p>find a proper alternative to microsoft word and onenote now that i can’t keep milking my student license in perpetuity</p></li><li><p><s>go on more walks and take pictures of things i see on walks. and then do something with those pictures </s></p></li><li><p><s>take my guitar in to get set up and learn a couple new songs on it</s></p></li><li><p>switch over from using pads to using a menstrual cup </p></li><li><p>become a regular somewhere new (the park, spend more time at the library and just hang</p></li></ol><p>In many ways, this list feels more realistic to accomplish than anything I’ve created a measurable, manageable plan for. Many of these items came from conversations with friends and coworkers. Maybe sometimes you need to talk about it before doing is even a possibility<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-2" href="#footnote-2" target="_self">2</a> — often I find that it’s less about what I actually talk about, less about there being a bolt of clarity, and more so that I start to tire of just talking about it, or tired of saying the same thing, or tired of my bullshit, basically, and then it becomes a little less tricky to just work on the poem, or a deadline comes up and suddenly I have it in me to focus for a few hours to get edits in, or I wake up and it feels like I’m joining into something simple and good when I get some movement in each morning. And each time it was a conversation with a loved one that got me there, that made me want to get there. </p><p>What else? I went to Chicago for a weekend trip and walked to a nearby bagel/coffee shop just a minute from C’s sister’s place; it was a charming corner where they gave you hot bagels out a little sliding window and there were dogs and babies and these two old guys who pretended to take our bagels but in a friendly jolly way, and a dog that ran out into the street and a stranger who halted incoming traffic so the dog would be safe from cars, and the dog’s mom scooping him up and shouting NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. His little face.</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/238897c1-296f-4757-a93d-d81307a1be95_1536x2048.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/46e84089-c692-4ab2-9f8a-31df51d7a2c5_2048x2048.jpeg"}],"caption":"photos from the street","alt":"first photo - a tree covered with ivy like a coat on a street in chicago. second photo: a bagel and coffee shop storefront that says LOVE EVERYOEN in neon red letters with a mural on the wall","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/661acac9-2ed6-4836-9f4e-346afbdb031e_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><div><hr></div><p>I sat on my hands writing this and writing in general because I felt like I had nothing to say, or that I was still finding something to say — but I think that process of figuring out what you want to say, or what we sometimes just call wisdom, I think, is something you have to walk and talk through. Ross Gay has talked about writing being the same thing as thinking, which feels true, and I have been reading his book <em>Inciting Joy </em>on the subway and thinking, a lot of the gradual change, too, happens in the talking, in confessing to your friends that something has been difficult but that you want to change it or at least that you aren’t happy with how things are, in sitting with a feeling and noticing that how you shape yourself around it is a little different than before, in writing scraps of something on the bus, on the train, in snatches of time when there’s a lull at work. I was reading <em>Inciting Joy</em> while taking a shit before my shower, which is sometimes expected, and crying, which was unexpected, but I just felt so moved and unprepared and my heart felt maybe extra open to love, and all of that and more I think I am slowly being changed by. 💗</p><blockquote><p>And then another kid slid in and hugged him, and then those three kids all hugged him at the same time, and then the rest of the class — every single kid in there — like gazelles to water, noticing what was happening, by ones and twos, joined in, pressing their bodies with their arms flung wide and their heads turned to the side and pressed against the back in front of them, until they became this big hugging mass around this kid, a swam, a school, which their teacher, too, joined, though from afar, miming squeezing her arms around the mass, and they stayed like that in a big hugging ball for a while, before slowly releasing themselves by ones and twos, until the swarm dispersed, but two kids stayed attached to the boy, and they walked holding each other out of the classroom into the rest of our lives like that.</p><p><strong>Ross Gay</strong>, <em>Inciting Joy</em>: “Grief Suite (Falling Apart: The Thirteenth Incitement)”</p></blockquote><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thank you for reading as always 💗</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/news/2019/aug/02/athleisure-barre-kale-tyranny-ideal-woman-labour">Athleisure, barre and kale: the tyranny of the ideal woman</a> by Jia Tolentino first got me thinking about optimization WAY back , among other things , thank you !!</p></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-2" href="#footnote-anchor-2" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">2</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>i.e., why i keep writing about this shit instead of doing it</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[things i read in fall 2023 / january 2024]]></title><description><![CDATA[turning the orbit around etc.]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/turning-the-orbit-around-etc</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/turning-the-orbit-around-etc</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 03 Mar 2024 15:05:46 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/2a238ffc-b396-40ca-b904-b019f3daefaa_2862x2160.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":819,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":4239867,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F385104bf-b94d-498d-97ed-158f7f08664d_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Hey — and fall goes by! Winter gets cold but not so cold. Where I live a main topic of conversation tends toward how warm this winter has been, but how next week will be much colder, and and how the warmth, nice as it is, is a harbinger of some bigger, scarier thing, usually expressed as, it’s nice out and we’re fucked.</p><p><strong>Some news:</strong> I’ve moved my book newsletter, noodledesk, to this newsletter — it might mean that you’ve gotten a series of emails this morning — hope that is not too confusing. If you’re not interested in it, all these posts are published under the ‘<a href="https://dessin.substack.com/s/reading">reading</a>’ section of this newsletter, which you can opt out of. If you are, great! Welcome 💗</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png" width="970" height="152" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":152,"width":970,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":32176,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F04c5db24-18ac-4232-a286-c0afde3afd91_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>I spent a couple weeks listening to the audiobook of Chanel Miller’s <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780735223721">Know My Name</a></strong>, which I think was best listened to, because it was as if she was sitting next to me on the couch and talking. I think I connected with it in ways I was expecting, and didn’t connect with it in ways I was not expecting. Next, a quick jaunt with Annie Ernaux’s <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781644213209">The Young Man</a>. Then, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781555978259">Oculus</a> by Sally Wen Mao, the majority of which I read at a Thai restaurant waiting for two friends to arrive — both came late, but that was okay, because it gave me more time to read. Afterwards, we took digital camera pictures against the fence tucked around the restaurant. The light coming from the evening and the buildings bleached everything gold. </p><p>Then, a difficult period for reading, which means comics: <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781638585824">Yokai Cats</a></strong> by PANDANIA, which was given to me last year for my birthday by my friend Y, who shares the same birthday as me, and which I read exclusively in bed. Winter break - J drives me to the station and I squeeze onto the train home with 3 minutes to spare and more sweaty than I have ever been in my life: <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781982190958">Briefly, A Delicious Life</a></strong>, which is my first novel in a while, and I even enjoy it, so I milk it as a conversation starter with everyone in my book club for two weeks. Then, <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781648275968">A Life Turned Upside Down: My Dad’s an Alcoholic</a></strong> by Mariko Kikuchi, <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781638583998">X-Gender</a></strong> (Volumes 1 and 2) by Asuka Miyazaki. Followed by some volumes of <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781593070205">Berserk</a></strong> by Kentaro Miura, described as foundational reading by J, the rest of which I am still slowly working through and enjoying a lot. The art is maybe some of the most consistently involved art I have seen in comics. Then, <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781974709939">Chainsaw Man</a></strong> by Tatsuki Fujimoto, which I had read once, but this time tried to read in French, and that was okay. <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781551527659">Dear Scarlet: The Story of My Postpartum Depression</a></strong> by Teresa Wong, which I liked alright, and <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780358345541">In</a> by Will McPhail, which I really liked, and which got me started on reading comics on Libby, which feels so convenient it seems illegal. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg" width="480" height="600" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":600,"width":480,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":null,"alt":"From In by Will McPhail","title":"From In by Will McPhail","type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="From In by Will McPhail" title="From In by Will McPhail" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fecd1e91f-f172-48a6-b46b-245994541978_480x600.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">from In by Will McPhail. he has a sort of bubbly, chewy art style where it still feels like you can see everyone’s bones that i enjoy</figcaption></figure></div><p>On multiple subway rides, <strong><a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781644450949">Civil Service</a></strong> by Claire Schwartz, which I enjoyed but occasionally had trouble with. Some poems I really liked, including <strong><a href="https://granta.com/lecture-on-loneliness/">Lecture on Loneliness</a></strong>. Shortly after, my roommate C, whose usual fare is longform nonfiction, read it, found it interesting, and then not. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png" width="1044" height="635" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":635,"width":1044,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":82147,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72bcc729-217a-4c3b-b9ee-fb42bfa159de_1044x635.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">a part of claire schwartz’s <a href="https://granta.com/lecture-on-loneliness/">lecture on loneliness</a>, which is quite long, so you should <a href="https://granta.com/lecture-on-loneliness/">go read it</a> !!!</figcaption></figure></div><p>Was foggy today — saw a ton of birds on power lines while biking through an intersection. Felt like something to note.</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks so much for reading, as always 💖 what have you been reading these days, and how have you been feeling about it?</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[you should have attainable fantasies]]></title><description><![CDATA[things that might actually happen]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/attainable-fantasies</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/attainable-fantasies</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 08 Jan 2024 02:59:19 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/54cc7d6b-6306-4148-91fa-bd3a465e5140_4032x3024.jpeg" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey — these days I almost exclusively do my writing on trains, because the white noise and window moving by makes me think it’d be a nice thing to do, and because the white noise makes me think, period, for hours at a time, which is probably not healthy, but is, however, occasionally productive, since I almost always think to myself, I have not been writing and probably should write. So here we are. </p><p>The train, too, has recently become a place where I can indulge in fantasy uninterrupted, which has revealed something interesting to me lately, which is that the fantasies that I obsess over the most are the ones that might actually happen. Realistic fantasies. Attainable fantasies, as my friend D coined, after I told her about an aspirational fantasy to eventually drape a cloth over the one of the corners in my apartment and devote it to painting.</p><p>I read somewhere once that the reason we obsess over things is because of uncertainty, in that there is a possibility that they could go wrong, but also that they could go right. The constant, waffling tension between the what-ifs is irresistible. Maile Meloy, in her short story <em>O Tannenbaum</em><a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a>, describes this tension as “both the threat of disorder and the steady, thrumming promise of having everything [you] wanted, all at once.” Attainable fantasies, too, are things I obsess over, maybe because of this tension between how I can, with a bit of work, make them come true, but because of some kind of minor barrier — time, energy, that work is busy, that work is always busy, that I’m feeling pretty good and that things aren’t bad just yet, the ratio of items out in the living room to items tucked away neatly, general avocado ripeness, the fact that it’s 11:37am and not 11:30am, a feeling that an extra task at work is incoming, that my phone is dying and always has been, that I need to buy new socks, that it’s not a good time, and when is it ever a good time?</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/7723c9f1-2457-4312-9302-c77b8c3d0a6a_3024x4032.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/bcaba481-a764-4ac1-8c6c-456c053d053a_4032x3024.jpeg"}],"caption":"daily comics from september - it is now DECEMBER if u can believe it!!!!","alt":"two pictures of my comic sketchbook from september","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/c730ac8c-a6ad-4130-b34e-2b1f39f739d8_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p>One of these recent fantasies, which came from a Facebook Marketplace crawl while on the train, is about brightly coloured wooden chairs; more precisely, having brightly coloured chairs in my kitchen, born from a less attainable fantasy of living somewhere with wall murals, or painting murals on the wall of somewhere that I live, or of having very expensive, oddly shaped, and colourful furniture. I was playing the usual IS THIS AVAILABLE - ignored - yes - wonderful when are you available - sorry this is sold - game on Marketplace but I loved the little blue table they were selling, with a set of scuffed green and blue chairs that I was already imagining warmly lit in the evening, how they might look next to the refrigerator, or with a glass bottle of flowers set on the table’s lined surface, or holding a plate of hot pasta with tomatoes (though I prefer pasta with white sauce.<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-2" href="#footnote-2" target="_self">2</a> ) with steam curling leisurely in the light, and I thought, why don’t I just paint them myself? And then because it was the train, and I had the time, I thought about the challenges that might appear while painting chairs, and then thought that I should ask for more help, in general, but also specifically, for these chairs, and that the words ‘community chairs’ was an alliteration that was cute without being too corny, and if I was going to ask for help painting them, which reminded me of group-class kiddie art projects, and then what if I just asked my friends to paint whatever they wanted on them, because it had been a long time since we had done any sort of playful kiddie art project, because we weren’t kids anymore, but the urge to play had never gone away, and why should it have, because we will always want and need and love to play, and then I was like, how beautiful would it be to have chairs that my friends had painted and scrutinized and thought about very closely and lovingly, and then I thought that I may as well just get it done.</p><div class="image-gallery-embed" data-attrs="{"gallery":{"images":[{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/9fa404c9-4f16-4a69-9d6b-4b848f6ff032_3024x4032.jpeg"},{"type":"image/jpeg","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/2452d831-da28-4f33-bd5b-c47dc0d03d32_3024x4032.jpeg"}],"caption":"chairs-in-progress","alt":"two green chairs, painted by hand and decorated with drawings of miffy, snoopy, animal crossing cherries, etc.","staticGalleryImage":{"type":"image/png","src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ba3af987-f049-4173-9224-96831eab5074_1456x720.png"}},"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p>Another attainable fantasy — making friends with the Granny<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-3" href="#footnote-3" target="_self">3</a> next door, going over to her house for meals and helping her with the groceries and asking for ingredients and sitting down at her table with hot water. I had tried to do this once last year by bringing over a loaf of banana bread that I had made, as a sort of offering of friendship, and found out she had returned to China, maybe forever, and, flustered, gave the banana bread to her granddaughter instead. Imagine my shock and delight when, one evening, months later, I open the door and she is standing there, arms full of orange packages, which, she explains to me, somewhat harried, are rice noodles, and I am not to eat them with the entire packet of chili oil because it will be spicy as fuck.</p><p>On the way back from the grocery store, I went to return a bowl to the Gramps next door and he opened the door, dry and friendly, immediately asking me if I had eaten (I hadn't — time had gotten away from me while I was painting my new $10 chairs) and he was like, <em>I'll get my wife to boil you some dumplings</em>. Immediately I was laughing, which I think is my automatic reaction for delight and thankfulness these days, incoherent as it is; <em>no, don't, it's too much work, I can figure something out on my own real quick.</em></p><p>“It isn't any work," he said. And went to call his wife. She came to the door in her pajamas (amazing) and told me to go take a shower while she made the dumplings. I said okay and then sprinted into my apartment to try and beat the boiling pot she’d put on so she wouldn't need to wait at my door with dumplings. It didn't even occur to me to not listen to her. She told me to shower; I was gonna shower. Minutes later, at my door, pot in hand, she told me the dumplings were bland (they weren’t) and to eat them with sesame oil and vinegar and that I may as well have the soup the dumplings were boiled in if I liked them that way.</p><p>And other fantasies recently attained this year: coming home from the gym to freshly baked bread (my roommate C and good, never-been-made-before focaccia, and homemade roasted bell pepper hummus, a dip of butter, glory of flavour etc etc); kissing my friends on their cheeks as a greeting (wanting, very badly, to share physical affection with my friends, particularly in ways that seemed, to me, to be reserved for romantic relationships); to be someone who jumps rope (in the basement over the holidays, dropping the screws used to hold the rope handle in place). It goes on.</p><p>There’s not much else I have to say, really — just that there seems to be a lot of joy in wanting to do something very small, and then doing it. 💗</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks for reading this dispatch 💗 love, jess</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><h1>the gallery</h1><div class="native-audio-embed" data-component-name="AudioPlaceholder" data-attrs="{"label":null,"mediaUploadId":"d1cfc576-13dc-44cc-91f3-0d90ce76c169","duration":147.9053,"isEditorNode":true}"></div><p>Messy piano recording from this winter break of Debussy’s <em>La fille aux cheveux de lin.</em></p><h1>reasons for staying</h1><p>More train rides where the car is blissfully warm and rocking, passing out and drooling, next to my seatmate, who is working or reading diligently, almost always; more chances of getting a typed out note lovingly attached to a big, still-warm jar of minestrone (which, to my delight, I learned that I have been pronouncing wrong my whole life) that says, ‘jess, / hope you feel better soon / — d’; more mornings to wake up to a smoothie and a hot breakfast from my roommate C; more chances to talk about poems; more time spent standing in a circle outside, freezing, riding that sweet gleam of conversation; more laughing stupidly over the phone; more chances to say goodnight to people I love, every night. It goes on.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg" width="1456" height="1941" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1941,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":6328402,"alt":"pic of 6 tupperwares of rainbow colorued veggies and a jar of minestrone soup with a tag that says, feel better soon jess from danilla","title":null,"type":"image/jpeg","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="pic of 6 tupperwares of rainbow colorued veggies and a jar of minestrone soup with a tag that says, feel better soon jess from danilla" title="pic of 6 tupperwares of rainbow colorued veggies and a jar of minestrone soup with a tag that says, feel better soon jess from danilla" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F891f73af-fc3f-4732-835a-6e20281e830b_3000x4000.jpeg 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">from my dear friend D (name kept for privacy)</figcaption></figure></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>from Both Ways Is the Only Way I Want It, which RUINED MY LIFE from how much I liked it and how much I still think about it. I think she used like one metaphor in the entire collection she is SOOOO precise. </p></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-2" href="#footnote-anchor-2" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">2</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>I recently had a conversation with my roommate’s mom about how we both prefer white pizza over pizza with tomato sauce. I will be eating this pizza (they had leftovers) at some point during the writing of this newsletter. This is important. 2 me. (Dec 31 update - I ate the leftovers.)</p></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-3" href="#footnote-anchor-3" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">3</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>I call her Auntie in Chinese. I am polite.</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[this beautiful approachable book]]></title><description><![CDATA[summer to fall 2023 & & &]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/this-beautiful-approachable-book</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/this-beautiful-approachable-book</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 14 Oct 2023 14:08:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/80c37175-c94f-4b79-a64b-c09cbff77b26_2862x2160.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/f7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":819,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":4225825,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff7c1f580-4141-4ebe-93ca-018d9108f1bf_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Hey — and summer goes by! And only with three mosquito bites. Before the heat broke, there was a 50+ day record streak of heat, which I think, in part, is making the transition to fall feel less real, but also more real, because this is a real marker of the passage of time, that big clock that reads <a href="https://thebulletin.org/doomsday-clock/">90 seconds to midnight</a>. Earlier last week my roommate C and I went to a nearby park to read, and on our bikes we crested down a hill, where there were a lot of different dogs rolling and leaping. A brigade of bikers in high-vis vests and colourful shorts pedaled by, and before we went up an incline, C said, “Ready?” and then we went up. In my usual fashion I am writing this an hour before I need to be across town. The bike ride there will be uphill so I am bracing myself.<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a></p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png" width="970" height="152" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":152,"width":970,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":32176,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F1151aa74-bd57-4106-a9ee-98178d8656a7_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>For a one-time book club with D & V & S, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781609456702">Breasts and Eggs</a> by Mieko Kawakami, which I didn’t connect with very much, but which we had some very interesting conversations around, which reminded me of my other friend J, who is a wonderful book club facilitator and how she asked very curious and gentle questions. Then, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781555978433">A Lucky Man</a> by Jamel Brinkley, which was masculine and serious and very good. <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781632430526">Ghost of</a> by Diana Khoi Nguyen, recommended to me by my friend K, who excels at identifying subway car manufacturers. <strong>Come Late to the Love of Birds</strong> by Sandra Kasturi, which I didn’t like but got on a beautiful day at a new library branch. <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781594484650">Both Ways is the Only Way I Want It</a>, which I picked up because </p><p>Brandon</p><p> mentioned it in<span class="mention-wrap" data-attrs="{"name":"sweater weather","id":14343,"type":"pub","url":null,"photo_url":null,"uuid":"9fb572f2-c63b-46bb-8d92-1f9f5cbceb65"}" data-component-name="MentionToDOM"></span>, and which I loved and spoke about to everyone who would listen to me about it. Maile Meloy is so precise. She uses the perfect words. The first story is about a guy on a horse:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F46c79d23-d059-4c37-a210-392a1f4de192_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>She paused before nodding, and he took this for encouragement. He caught up her hand again and kissed it, because he had wanted to do that, and it was soft and cold. Then he leaned over and kissed her cheek, because he had wanted to do that, too. She didn’t move, not an inch, and he was about to kiss her for real when she seemed to snap out of a trance, and stepped away from him. She took her hand back. “I have to go,” she said, and she went around to the driver’s side of the Datsun. He held the horse while she drove out of the parking lot, and he kicked at the snow. The horse sidestepped away. He felt like jumping up and down, in excitement and anxiety and anguish. He had run her off. He shouldn’t have kissed her. He should have kissed her more. He should have let her say what she wanted to say. He mounted up and rode home.</p><p><strong>Maile Meloy</strong>, Both Ways is the Only Way I Want It</p></blockquote><p>Then a series of poetry, which I have started to read and write more of, starting with <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781955904216">Almanac of Useless Talents</a>, by Michael Chang, who I am also obsessed with. <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781639550494">The Hurting Kind</a> by Ada Limon, who read a few poems a few months ago when I went to see her with my friend A, followed by the <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781487011802">2023 Griffin Poetry Prize Anthology Shortlist</a>, which we got from the event. She is so good at reading; her voice really felt like the water and the trees and the wind. And she sang a little, which was lovely.<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-2" href="#footnote-2" target="_self">2</a> Spark Joy by Marie Kondo, which was long but surprisingly practical. Then, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780593332337">The Late Americans</a> by Brandon Taylor, which I was just, so <em>into</em> the whole time I was reading it, and which made me feel that specific hopeful gummy feeling of being alive when you’re in the middle of a novel that pulls from you the best & worst parts of what you have been feeling and lays them out for you, gorgeously. </p><p>Then a frantic set from the library, almost all of which were dangerously approaching the overdue deadline: <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780147530882">The Pocket Butler’s Guide to Good Housekeeping</a> by Charles MacPherson; <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780981484600">Wabi-Sabi: For Artists, Designers, Poets & Philosophers</a> by Leonard Koren; <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781982106638">The Best American Poetry 2021</a> edited by David Lehman, guest edited by Tracy K. Smith, to which I kept saying, “oh my god,” because some of the poems in there were really making my world bigger. <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780810146211">Synthetic Jungle by Michael Chang</a>, which I really liked, and <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781950774692">Your Emergency Contact Has Experienced an Emergency by Chen Chen</a>, which I mega really liked.</p><p>Went home for the long weekend. Came back. Started reading again. Can never stop for that long anymore.</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks so much for reading, as always 💖</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div data-component-name="FragmentNodeToDOM"><p></p></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>this is actually late - i had written this a few weeks ago and then did not finish it because i had to bike across town. now I am finishing writing this, again, an hour before I need to be across town. HA!!!</p></div></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-2" href="#footnote-anchor-2" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">2</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>she has a beautiful singing voice; everyone in the room was hushed, but laughed when she sang, i think bc they were so delighted by it</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[down out of the hills]]></title><description><![CDATA[a month passes. a month passes]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/down-out-of-the-hills</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/down-out-of-the-hills</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 11 Jun 2023 16:02:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ca83bf67-7a37-4104-a85e-dd6fedcb9bc2_2862x2160.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/ec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":819,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":4546999,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fec750c8a-59e3-4213-9f77-8daaae9b2d02_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Hey — I’m having the sort of month (upon writing this, months, plural) where everything seems to be new and memorable. This sudden summer heat in early April, the ice storms, the resigned, clean beep of the power coming back on, new seasons of TV I can’t keep up with, the slant of light coming in every single window, a clear bolt of certainty, like, <em>I will be committing this to memory and then to my life</em> and then promptly forgetting. Other things I’ve forgotten — to claim all my expenses on my tax return, how to park the car neatly, even with generous space, how to live without a calendar, the itch and relief poetry shakes awake in me when I read it, and to update this newsletter.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png" width="970" height="152" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":152,"width":970,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":32176,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5356ee4f-f063-4058-8b60-1578c71e708c_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>To start with, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780393318869">What the Living Do</a> by Marie Howe, a collection that cuts a line clean through you and then through you again. Its titular poem, <a href="https://poets.org/poem/what-living-do">What the Living Do</a>, an all-time favourite, so alive, but never overwritten. It’s bare and fleshy in a way that I love.<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a> So is the rest of the collection.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F08c03415-d0f7-471c-9c89-b84311f17a57_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>For weeks now, driving, or dropping a bag of groceries in the street, the bag breaking, I’ve been thinking: This is what the living do. And yesterday, hurrying along those wobbly bricks in the Cambridge sidewalk, spilling my coffee down my wrist and sleeve, I thought it again, and again later, when buying a hairbrush: This is it. Parking. Slamming the car door shut in the cold. What you called that yearning.</p></blockquote><p>Then <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781250235572">Himawari House</a> by Harmony Becker, which I thought was sweet but didn’t really enjoy. <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781770461666">Earthling</a> by Aisha Franz, which was deliciously drawn; I wanted to eat the pages. Then I had to return my books to the library, so it was back to the e-reader: <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781982151997">Easy Beauty</a> by Chloé Cooper Jones, which I filled up with highlights, and which I still think about now; <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780399590528">Educated</a> by Tara Westover, which I obsessively read over a few days but think about much less often; for book club, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781600964336">The Death of Ivan Ilych</a>, which was dry and funny but also creepy and wet. For some reason the good-natured, farmboy-adjacent character who holds up Ivan’s legs when he is ill sticks with me and probably will stick with me forever.</p><p>Work rages on; I read Brandon Taylor’s <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780525538929">Filthy Animals</a> and was shaken up by some of his lines. He is one of those writers where I whisper to myself, god I wish I wrote like you. Same with the next book, Franny Choi’s The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes on, which I chew on for a while, and still that same burning feeling and desire to write that goes on, aflame. </p><p>A month passes. I read Heather Havrilesky’s <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780062984463">Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage</a>, which was saucy, which felt like the Ask Polly columns but also made me miss the Ask Polly columns. Then Daniel Sloss’ <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780525658146">Everyone You Hate is Going to Die</a>, which made me laugh but made me wish it were over in that it was not very nice, but then <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780525565222">Very Nice</a> by Marcy Dermansky, which was JUICY IN ALL WAYS !!! WHAT A SUMMER READ!!! To me it feels like her writing just comes right out of her head and lands perfectly on the page, though I know that can’t be true. This, followed by <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780679756453">Portnoy’s Complaint</a> by Philip Roth, which was dirty and funny and made me laugh out loud on the plane home from my first ever vacation. My friend J told me that it came recommended from his brother, and I told him it was banned and he said Shut Up. They Ban Books? </p><p>A month passes. I walked into a new library branch with lions parked at the archway and left with a pair of free socks and new poetry books: <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780889822627">Living Under Plastic</a> by Evelyn Lau, which I thought had some really gorgeous lines but also made me think about things I dislike in my own writing. After, Gary Barwin’s Moon Baboon Canoe, which was interesting and playful. </p><p>Been a while. I’m getting back into poetry and it’s a good feeling.</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thank you, as always, for reading 💗</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div data-component-name="FragmentNodeToDOM"><p></p></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>please read that poem i am begging you please </p><p></p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[paying attention]]></title><description><![CDATA[listening to the music of ur body]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/paying-attention</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/paying-attention</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sat, 18 Mar 2023 22:46:28 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Hey — I hit my head on the corner of one of my kitchen cupboards, which I do about once a week because I leave the doors open but this time was the worst yet, this time it broke skin, and I was pushing at the bump after icing it to assess the damage, thinking that it had been a long time since I had hit my head hard enough to leave a bump, like I did all the time falling off a play structure as a kid, or playing organized sports, both things I have let go of as a 22 year old (now 23, as of editing this!!!). And it made me think that this was a whole lot of work to just hit my head on the cupboard, and then the weird tenuous thread of adulthood I'd been worrying at fell away, first in strings, and then abruptly, like a nervous high school concert band, despite the hawk-eyed focus on the conductor's baton, in the beams of light burning out the audience's faces: forgetting, suddenly, how to read time.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png" width="1456" height="1165" data-attrs="{"src":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1165,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":795795,"alt":"a drawing of a train in sunset by jess","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="a drawing of a train in sunset by jess" title="a drawing of a train in sunset by jess" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F47881e88-7a0d-408a-a815-b015d62ded2c_2000x1600.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">i wanted to share some process pics for part of the art i did for <a href="https://www.kernelmag.io">kernel magazine</a> last year. i was going to make a process post last summer but never got around to it so i figured now was as good a time as any</figcaption></figure></div><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png" width="1456" height="1456" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1456,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":4479315,"alt":"a drawing with fall colours of some characters from noodledesk, including a cat, the triangle, a duck with a bow tie, and other items","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="a drawing with fall colours of some characters from noodledesk, including a cat, the triangle, a duck with a bow tie, and other items" title="a drawing with fall colours of some characters from noodledesk, including a cat, the triangle, a duck with a bow tie, and other items" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5e841130-9089-42aa-9b69-e20a7061454f_2000x2000.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">wiggly wobbly fall arrangement</figcaption></figure></div><p>I have taken to putting a movie on and baking on Sunday nights when I'm feeling the fear and dread of the workweek. Unless you like to rewind or pause, movies are set; you press play and they take you for a hundred-and-twenty-minute drive. Baking, too, cannot really be rushed; unless I want to clean up flour from the floor or choke down chunks of banana in my bread, I need to be thorough. The physicality of making it soothes me, pushing through the batter, cradling a good, steaming bread in my hands afterwards. </p><p>I know it's not a new thing to dread the workweek, nor is it to write about dreading the workweek, but still I find it comforting when my friends tell me they dread it, too. Connection in commiserating, I guess, which seems to be a thing about adult friendships, like <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McGriddles">brunch, </a>the comfort of a preferred cubicle, the easy trust of a well-made grocery bag.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F98a85368-d0d4-4f0e-8356-8f4a668d3119_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>The ultimate tool for corporations to sustain a culture of this sort is to develop the 40-hour workweek as the normal lifestyle. Under these working conditions people have to build a life in the evenings and on weekends. This arrangement makes us naturally more inclined to spend heavily on entertainment and conveniences because our free time is so scarce.<br><strong>David Cain,</strong> <a href="https://www.raptitude.com/2010/07/your-lifestyle-has-already-been-designed/">Your Lifestyle Has Already Been Designed</a></p></blockquote><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png" width="1240" height="1754" data-attrs="{"src":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/a755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":1754,"width":1240,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":3187226,"alt":"a drawing of a train in sunset by jess with clouds. it's a watercolour style image","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="a drawing of a train in sunset by jess with clouds. it's a watercolour style image" title="a drawing of a train in sunset by jess with clouds. it's a watercolour style image" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa755786f-ebd5-4ce3-a070-2c8d8b94e0d4_1240x1754.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">i was having a lot of fun with rabbits in this cover but ultimately decided against having little steam bunnies</figcaption></figure></div><p>But also in the last few weeks I learned to do the crow pose for the first time, which took weeks of stretching and mobility and exercise. This reminded me of the summer, where I had the chance to lounge and stretch and breathe and think about lounging and stretching and breathing for a couple of months. Out of curiosity and embarrassingly motivated by some white dudes vlogging their transformative experiences training in Shaolin temples, I stood in my basement and followed a Qigong video, which made me feel a little silly, but not for long. The instructor had written these captions about feeling joy at being able to move and breathe and be in your body. Moving around and feeling your limbs quiver in the air, that stuff's joy, I think, the feeling that being in your body is getting easier. I didn't quite get it at first, but like upon learning the name of a tree, you start to see it all over: in sliding into a car in one smooth motion, in carrying my groceries back to the apartment, feeling that pleasant weight dig into my shoulder, in reaching up to pull sesame oil off the shelf, my sleeves rolled up, in joining my new friend, when he says, drunk off good music, that we should skip down the street, and I agree, so I follow him, skipping, that stuff, I'm starting to get it. Wobbling there, my knees digging into my arms, I felt heavy, and warm, and there, and strong.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png" width="613" height="879" data-attrs="{"src":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":879,"width":613,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":1125252,"alt":"a drawing of a train in sunset by jess with big clouds shaped like rabbits lying down","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="a drawing of a train in sunset by jess with big clouds shaped like rabbits lying down" title="a drawing of a train in sunset by jess with big clouds shaped like rabbits lying down" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F23abc5dd-3b67-4182-9eee-983c0265dcb5_613x879.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">the final piece, which makes up the back cover of the magazine</figcaption></figure></div><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":null,"title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F65253db6-6d41-457e-87f0-fa9a593c60ae_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>...the moment I read Van Gogh’s letter I knew what art was, and the creative impulse. It is a feeling of love and enthusiasm for something, and in a direct, simple, passionate and true way, you try to show this beauty in things to others, by drawing it. And Van Gogh’s little drawing on the cheap note paper was a work of art because he loved the sky and the frail lamppost against it so seriously that he made the drawing with the most exquisite conscientiousness and care.” — Brenda Ueland, <em>If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit</em></p></blockquote><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thanks for reading this dispatch 💗 love, jess</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><h1>the gallery</h1><p>i feel like this whole letter is a reason for staying, so instead of the usual, here are some songs that are shaking up my whole world !!!</p><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b2734436f2e7c93002ad0eb9716a","title":"This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) - Live","subtitle":"Talking Heads","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/0cAPfvvqFZsqsIz3ZDSKIa","belowTheFold":true,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/0cAPfvvqFZsqsIz3ZDSKIa" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" loading="lazy" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b27319ed71aa39d8e1d791aa9af6","title":"I'm Your Wreck","subtitle":"Mt. Joy","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/7MzKYpIU3wozsFJDOmI8Es","belowTheFold":true,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/7MzKYpIU3wozsFJDOmI8Es" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" loading="lazy" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b2731951fae0591423d19e265511","title":"Butter Rum","subtitle":"Goose","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/6isxsE54RDzbEhj33sER9l","belowTheFold":true,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/6isxsE54RDzbEhj33sER9l" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" loading="lazy" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b273a2e445e78660babec73155f6","title":"一千年以後","subtitle":"JJ Lin","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/1J59cbPdIwiUMtX1ee7NwM","belowTheFold":true,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/1J59cbPdIwiUMtX1ee7NwM" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" loading="lazy" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b2738196519cce48c86b4f8eb7a5","title":"Lenny","subtitle":"Young Gun Silver Fox","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/0LU4MaXUcxhnr3vfrSFYom","belowTheFold":true,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/0LU4MaXUcxhnr3vfrSFYom" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" loading="lazy" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe><iframe class="spotify-wrap" data-attrs="{"image":"https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b27396c789610904d8c2e737e02a","title":"What's Going On - Live","subtitle":"Donny Hathaway","description":"","url":"https://open.spotify.com/track/1QQgtnvXfArwOCq7zYSE5g","belowTheFold":true,"noScroll":false}" src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/1QQgtnvXfArwOCq7zYSE5g" frameborder="0" gesture="media" allowfullscreen="true" allow="encrypted-media" loading="lazy" data-component-name="Spotify2ToDOM"></iframe>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[people feeling far away]]></title><description><![CDATA[self-help, jazzy poetry, not jazzy poetry, not great gatsby]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/people-feeling-far-away</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/people-feeling-far-away</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Mon, 30 Jan 2023 17:10:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/64d466f0-0d26-4d35-8c25-4e30e1e1d52d_2862x2160.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":819,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":865404,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F419947d5-c637-453b-863f-0a9d5d768188_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>One of the first things I did this year was finish the frozen baked goods I had in my fridge, and then for my own sanity, promised myself I would never buy baked goods in insane quantities again, and then, again, for my own sanity, crawled to the grocery on a wet Saturday for a surprise pie and turnover disaster. The rhubarb-strawberry hybrid pies from the Irresistibles must really not be all that irresistible because I pick it up every time I get my to-go bag of near expired’s.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png" width="970" height="152" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/dcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":152,"width":970,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":32176,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdcd511f5-af10-4dfa-8b78-f0996678866f_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>I started the year with <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780525511663">Quarterlife</a> by Satya Doyle Byock, which I was drawn to because it was the beginning of the year and 23 was hurtling towards me. I felt it was exactly what it said on the cover but was disappointed, still. I think we expect self help books to fix us immediately. It’s what makes them marketable. Still, I feel like a lot of twenty somethings will feel seen by this book.</p><p>This, then <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780143120353">Alien vs. Predator</a> by Michael Robbins, which I was bothered by but then interested in but then bothered by, again. I was trying to capture the feeling of wonder I felt when I first read his poem, <a href="https://www.theparisreview.org/poetry/6808/walkman-michael-robbins">Walkman</a>, but I think he was trying to do something different in Alien that make them hard to compare. Then, for the first book club read of 2023, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781250849250">The Last Summer in the City</a> by Gianfranco Calligarich, which read like a beachside Great Gatsby, with the same blue feeling running through the whole thing.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F141caae1-5a16-4031-8e2d-90c2d3b21b83_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>Nobody to whom a thing like that happens can return home exactly as he was before. In spite of his proud silence, it always seemed as if he was trying to make us forget something, perhaps the fact he’d come home a shattered man and had made us watch his big body writhing as the electric shocks shuddered through it. Anyway, that’s how he was, and when I was a boy I could never forgive him for his unheroic profession, his love of order, his excessive respect for inanimate things, not understanding what terrible destruction he must have witnessed to then set about repairing an old kitchen chair with infinite patience on the very day he came back from the war. <br><strong>Gianfranco Calligarich</strong>, Last Summer in the City</p></blockquote><p>On the subway I finished Franz Wright’s <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780375710810">God’s Silence</a>, which had some gorgeous poems. Like Jane Hirshfield<a class="footnote-anchor" data-component-name="FootnoteAnchorToDOM" id="footnote-anchor-1" href="#footnote-1" target="_self">1</a>, he has a way of using these big, ambitious, regal words that doesn’t annoy me. A part of On the Bus, one of the first poems in the collection:</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F206b4a8f-b311-4de8-a920-4598723d95a6_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>It's one thing when you're twenty-one,<br>and I was way past twenty-one.<br>With unshaven face half concealed in the collar<br>of some deceased porcine philanthropist's<br>black cashmere rag of a coat,<br>I knew that I looked like a suicide<br>returning an overdue book to the library.<br>Almost everyone else did as well,<br>but I found no particular solace in this;<br>at best, the fact awakened some diverting speculations<br>on the comparative benefits<br>of waiting in front of a ditch to be shot<br>alone or in company<br>of others, and then whether one would prefer<br>these last hypothetical others<br>to be friends, family, enemies, total<br>or relative strangers. Would you hold hands?<br>Or would you rather like a good <em>Homo sapiens</em><br>monster employ them<br>to cover your genitals?</p></blockquote><p>It was a weird, sad month. It was good to read.</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thank you, as always, for reading 💗</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div><div data-component-name="FragmentNodeToDOM"><p></p></div><div class="footnote" data-component-name="FootnoteToDOM"><a id="footnote-1" href="#footnote-anchor-1" class="footnote-number" contenteditable="false" target="_self">1</a><div class="footnote-content"><p>girl who has read one jane hirshfield book: getting a lot of jane hirshfield vibes from this</p></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item><item><title><![CDATA[nevermind im back on my comics bullshit]]></title><description><![CDATA[looking at pictures, fall to winter]]></description><link>https://dessin.substack.com/p/nevermind-im-back-on-my-comics-bullshit</link><guid isPermaLink="false">https://dessin.substack.com/p/nevermind-im-back-on-my-comics-bullshit</guid><dc:creator><![CDATA[jess]]></dc:creator><pubDate>Sun, 25 Dec 2022 17:12:00 GMT</pubDate><enclosure url="https://substack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/072284c2-11da-48ed-b233-6f0e56c4aa62_2862x2160.png" length="0" type="image/jpeg"/><content:encoded><![CDATA[<div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png" width="1456" height="819" data-attrs="{"src":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/e2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":819,"width":1456,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":5295749,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":true,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe2926177-df7e-4acc-af8f-048fba17bc67_3840x2160.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" fetchpriority="high"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Living deep in the thicket of fall meant countless trips to the library; I read a battered copy of <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781632362285">Princess Jellyfish</a> by Akiko Higashimura, which I would have loved as a 12 year old, and which made me think of my 12 year old self more gently. Weird little girls rule my world. After, another book that didn’t do much for me, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781984854278">Gmorning, Gnight</a>, by Lin-Manuel Miranda (illustrated by Jonny Sun). Then, Max Porter’s <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781555977412">Grief is the Thing with Feathers</a>, which is wretched and wild and gorgeous and made me sit up in bed as if I could get the words inside of me better. Still think about it now.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/fd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":11518,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ffd670136-632e-4e43-be21-7117520d0865_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><blockquote><p>And I stood and breathed their air and considered – as always – things like fragility, danger, luck, imperfection, chance, being kind, being funny, being honest, eyes, hair, bones, the impossible hectic silent epidermis rejuvenating itself, never nervous, always kissable, even when scabbed, even so salty I made it, and I felt so many nights utterly, totally yanked apart by how much I loved these children, and I asked them, loudly: Do you want to MOVE ON? <br>— <strong>Max Porter</strong>, Grief is the Thing with Feathers</p></blockquote><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png" width="970" height="152" data-attrs="{"src":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/bf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":152,"width":970,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":32176,"alt":"","title":null,"type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2438f3-c4f3-4217-ac67-62389086e204_970x152.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>Then began my comics binge, which is what I do when I get into reading slumps. First it was <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781770463844">The Swamp</a> by Yoshiharu Tsuge (trans. Ryan Holmberg), which was creepy and wet, then <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781534315853">SFSX</a> by Tina Horn (illustrated by Michael Dowling, Alejandra Gutierrez, Jen Hickman, Tula Lotay), which was just wet but then also a little dry, then volume 2 of <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781897299197">Moomin</a> by Tove Jansson which was big and beautiful like the moon. </p><p>Then: <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781770463868">Umma’s Table</a> by Yeon-Sik Hong (trans. Janet Hong), which had me crying at the kitchen table at 8pm on a Monday, <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781770464001">Moms</a> by Yeong-shin Ma (also trans. Janet Hong) which was a riot, and <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781770463981">The Sky Is Blue with a Single Cloud</a> by Kuniko Tsurita (trans. Ryan Holmberg) which bothered me but only a little.</p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2 is-viewable-img" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png" width="1200" height="531" data-attrs="{"src":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/bf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":531,"width":1200,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":null,"alt":"a screenshot of umma's table by yeon-sik hong, an illustration of the main character as a child happily eating what his mother made for him. the caption says, mother...umma...","title":"a screenshot of umma's table by yeon-sik hong, an illustration of the main character as a child happily eating what his mother made for him. the caption says, mother...umma...","type":null,"href":null,"belowTheFold":false,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="a screenshot of umma's table by yeon-sik hong, an illustration of the main character as a child happily eating what his mother made for him. the caption says, mother...umma..." title="a screenshot of umma's table by yeon-sik hong, an illustration of the main character as a child happily eating what his mother made for him. the caption says, mother...umma..." srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fbf2694e0-8037-4c8e-b5a0-0e7f4ed79048_1200x531.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"></picture><div class="image-link-expand"><div class="pencraft pc-display-flex pc-gap-8 pc-reset"><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container restack-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-refresh-cw"><path d="M3 12a9 9 0 0 1 9-9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1 6.74 2.74L21 8"></path><path d="M21 3v5h-5"></path><path d="M21 12a9 9 0 0 1-9 9 9.75 9.75 0 0 1-6.74-2.74L3 16"></path><path d="M8 16H3v5"></path></svg></div><div class="pencraft pc-reset icon-container view-image"><svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="20" height="20" viewBox="0 0 24 24" fill="none" stroke="currentColor" stroke-width="2" stroke-linecap="round" stroke-linejoin="round" class="lucide lucide-maximize2"><polyline points="15 3 21 3 21 9"></polyline><polyline points="9 21 3 21 3 15"></polyline><line x1="21" x2="14" y1="3" y2="10"></line><line x1="3" x2="10" y1="21" y2="14"></line></svg></div></div></div></div></a><figcaption class="image-caption">Umma’s Table, Yeon-Sik Hong</figcaption></figure></div><p>After that I took a brief trip to Boston. On the plane ride back, in the dark and looking at the slow writhe of clouds out the window, I read poetry for the first time in a while — <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780375712074">Come, Thief</a> by Jane Hirschfield, and <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9780593300237">Time is a Mother</a> by Ocean Vuong, and felt like I had finally walked upon some kind of clearing in a very deep forest where stuff was hanging out and chill and I was able to talk to it, at last, in a way that had been inaccessible to me for a long time. I think I am also just stuck on this metaphor because I am halfway through Long Strange Trip, which describes the Grateful Dead as the green meadow clearing in the forest of that age’s music industry. </p><div class="captioned-image-container"><figure><a class="image-link image2" target="_blank" href="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png" data-component-name="Image2ToDOM"><div class="image2-inset"><picture><source type="image/webp" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw"><img src="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png" width="1400" height="200" data-attrs="{"src":"https://bucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com/public/images/b9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png","srcNoWatermark":null,"fullscreen":null,"imageSize":null,"height":200,"width":1400,"resizeWidth":null,"bytes":8893,"alt":"","title":"","type":"image/png","href":null,"belowTheFold":true,"topImage":false,"internalRedirect":null,"isProcessing":false,"align":null}" class="sizing-normal" alt="" title="" srcset="https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_424,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png 424w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_848,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png 848w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1272,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png 1272w, https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fb9db439b-9aae-4770-b325-d24c0ff303f5_1400x200.png 1456w" sizes="100vw" loading="lazy"></picture><div></div></div></a></figure></div><p>In the last week of work before the holidays, when I was at my most exhausted, I read <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781683965343">Ultrasound</a> by Conor Stechschulte, which was twisty and made such interesting use of layers and pencil crayon that he made me mistrust the whole thing, except in a good way. Then <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781609457457">Heaven</a> by Mieko Kawakami (trans. Sam Bett and David Boyd) which I had started at the beginning of October, the very first book I checked out of the library branch next door after moving, which started quietly and also ended quietly, but still violent in such a realistic, internal way that makes it hard to forget. Finished with <a href="https://bookshop.org/a/83868/9781517908454">This Wound is a World</a> by Billy-Ray Belcourt, whose exhibits and talks I had gone to a few times but had never actually read any of his work — enjoyed.</p><p>That’s all for now (and probably for the year). I had a very good time with books this year.</p><div class="subscription-widget-wrap-editor" data-attrs="{"url":"https://dessin.substack.com/subscribe?","text":"Subscribe","language":"en"}" data-component-name="SubscribeWidgetToDOM"><div class="subscription-widget show-subscribe"><div class="preamble"><p class="cta-caption">thank you, as always, for reading 💗</p></div><form class="subscription-widget-subscribe"><input type="email" class="email-input" name="email" placeholder="Type your email…" tabindex="-1"><input type="submit" class="button primary" value="Subscribe"><div class="fake-input-wrapper"><div class="fake-input"></div><div class="fake-button"></div></div></form></div></div>]]></content:encoded></item></channel></rss>

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