![[Valid RSS]](images/valid-rss-rogers.png "Valid RSS")
This is a valid RSS feed.
This feed is valid, but interoperability with the widest range of feed readers could be improved by implementing the following recommendations.
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:admin="http://webns.net/mvcb/" xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/" xmlns:rdf="http://www.w3.org/1999/02/22-rdf-syntax-ns#" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:xCal="urn:ietf:params:xml:ns:xcal" xmlns:geo="https://www.w3.org/2003/01/geo/wgs84_pos#"> <channel> <title>Ask MetaFilter</title> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/</link> <description>The past 24 hours of questions at Ask MetaFilter</description> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 19:46:39 GMT</pubDate> <lastBuildDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 19:46:39 GMT</lastBuildDate> <language>en-us</language> <docs>http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss</docs> <ttl>60</ttl> <atom:link href="https://rss.metafilter.com/ask.rss" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" /> <item> <title>Presidential Debate Prep Process</title> <description><![CDATA[Are there any good deep-dive articles (or book passages) about the behind-the-scenes details of Hillary Clinton's debate prep in 2016? I'm specifically interested in the choices Phillippe Reines made as the Trump stand-in. Did he try to replicate the stream-of-nonsense; how did they prep for specific wildly-unprofessional personal attacks?]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381943/Presidential-Debate-Prep-Process</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381943</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 19:46:39 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>Blue Jello Elf</dc:creator> <category>2016election</category> <category>debate</category> <category>donaldtrump</category> <category>election</category> <category>hillary</category> <category>hillaryclinton</category> <category>president</category> <category>presidentialdebate</category> <category>trump</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381943/Presidential-Debate-Prep-Process/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Two Year Old Bedtime Tips</title> <description><![CDATA[We are having a hard time keeping up with our strong and aggressive two year old at naptime and bedtime. If you had a toddler like this, do you have any strategies or tips?<br/><br/>She is VERY independent, social, loud, strong, and aggressive. She is a young two--birthday just a few days ago. She understands pretty complex language but is usually just producing one or three word phrases right now-lots of them at rapid pace! She will climb out of a crib. Her mom and I have her in the bottom bunk of an Ikea bunkbed, where we try to lay with her and soothe her to sleep at naptime and bedtime. She goes to bed with one parent in bed with her, a stuffed animal, a sippy cup of water, and her favorite blanket. She's excited about heading to her bedroom, but once there she sees it as social playtime and does a lot of squirming, loud talking, and (unintentional) hitting--it's been a while since I've gotten away from bedtime with less than two hard shots to the face--and it doesn't usually seem to be progressing toward sleep. If asked to be quiet, she'll lower her voice to a whisper and continue her monologue...until she forgets and ramps it back up in a minute. She likes songs and books, but they don't seem to progress her towards sleep. At a point, she'll sometimes ask the adult to leave. If left alone, she'll generally wander around the room continuing her monologue and self play, usually turn on the light, sometimes climb up to the top bunk, where she can't get back down. Usually she gets upset at one thing or another and the adult has to come back; sometimes she flops down somewhere random in the room to sleep like a kitten. If not left alone, she stays in bed but is ALWAYS talking. It's very hard to take control of the routine without feeling like moving her further away from sleep. She's so excited to have us there! We love her.<br><br>It's basically fine; she is otherwise thriving. But it does wind up taking quite a while most of the time--adults going in and out, lights coming off and on, facial injuries, sometime-tears, and it's all uncertain and unpredictable. Nothing about our four year old prepared us for this: all he has ever wanted at bedtime is for an adult to lead him through a specific routine and he could probably put himself through his entire bedtime routine without any adult intervention at this point.<br><br>If you had a toddler like this, do you have any ideas for what we could try?]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381942/Two-Year-Old-Bedtime-Tips</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381942</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 19:16:08 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>Kwine</dc:creator> <category>bedtime</category> <category>naptime</category> <category>toddler</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381942/Two-Year-Old-Bedtime-Tips/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Eyeglass lenses in Boston. Difficulty: computer distance.</title> <description><![CDATA[I need someone in Greater Boston who will make lenses for a midrange focal distance (ideally 28 inches, although I can be a little flexible), and who works to make sure the prescription is right. So far, I've just gotten reading-distance glasses, a huge bill and the bum rush out the door. Can you recommend someone awesome to me?]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381941/Eyeglass-lenses-in-Boston-Difficulty-computer-distance</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381941</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 19:15:59 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>rednikki</dc:creator> <category>boston</category> <category>eyeglasses</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381941/Eyeglass-lenses-in-Boston-Difficulty-computer-distance/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>to call up a demon you must learn its name</title> <description><![CDATA[Help me resume-write this IT project activity: multi-site, critical, timely, coordinated service migration stuff. Details inside.<br/><br/>Recently I worked on a fun (for me), exciting (to me) IT migration project and I'd like to figure out how to encode that into hiring-speak in order to both integrate it into my resume and know what sort of verbiage to look for in job listings.<br><br>The project was cutting over a regional financial institution from one ISP/MSP to another. They have about 100 sites over 3 states (think bank branches). The old connectivity paradigm was each site with whatever ISP was convenient to the particular site, varying from old telco MPLS circuits to DOCSIS and some fiber where available. Under the new regime they have hooked up with a national level ISP+MSP that subcontracted fiber runs into every single site in order to decommission the old hodge-podge. The new MSP runs different network equipment than the old MSP, so all that had to be changed out.<br><br>My role in all this was to be the on-site migration technician for every individual site cutover on the day. I had an itenerary and would travel from site to site. Once there I would call in to a conference call (a Teams meeting) using a bluetooth headset. On the call were staff from the financial institution's IT department and staff from the new MSP, plus project managers etc. Usually about 4-7 people including myself.<br><br>I would coordinate with the site staff, informing them about what was going to happen and how long it would take. Each site was shut down during the cutover, exterior doors locked etc. Once everyone was ready on the call and on-site, they would take down the old circuits and I would start physically removing the old switches and routers from the network racks, and then physically install the new equipment, constantly keeping the folks on the call abreast as to what I was doing. After the swapping of network equipment, I would be the on-site smart-hands to resolve any weird issues that came up, like the local employees saying they couldn't print, or the remote techs saying device X isn't populating, etc.<br><br>An example of the conversational workflow:<blockquote>Me: "Ok, the router is mounted and powered. Patching it in now, so you should be able to see it in a couple minutes."<br><br>NOC: "Yes, I can see it and I can ping the gateway. Looks good."<br><br>Me: "The 48 port switch is in and online. I'm patching in devices now."<br><br>IT Project Director: "Yep, I am seeing the phones starting to come up. Alice, start making the host changes. Bill, start reprovisioning the phones."<br><br>Alice: "Ok, all the computers are done except for one I have on my list, Reception02. Been offline for 4 days. glonus, can you go see if you can find that and see what's up?"<br><br>Me: "Yep, looking around now. Ah, I found it, it was shut down. Coming up now."</blockquote><br><br>After everything was cut over and verified to be working, the site could re-open. On the call we'd set our meeting time mainly based on how long it would take me to travel to the next site, then hang up. I'd pack up, get in the workvan, and head to the next one.<br><br>I really enjoyed the dynamism of that project. I kinda felt like I was Molly Millions in Neuromancer. I'd like to know how to describe all this sort of activity in resume/CV language so I can try to look for work that's closer to this and not the dull, grinding glorified construction work that my normal day-to-day job is. I just don't know the best ways to succinctly describe this stuff.<br><br>Physical migrations, multi-site critical communication infrastructure coordinating, liaising, etc.<br><br>How should I write this project up for a resume, and what sort of keywords and job descriptions should I be looking for in job search engines?]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381940/to-call-up-a-demon-you-must-learn-its-name</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381940</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 18:26:43 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>glonous keming</dc:creator> <category>CV</category> <category>description</category> <category>hiring</category> <category>ISP</category> <category>JobListing</category> <category>language</category> <category>migration</category> <category>MSP</category> <category>project</category> <category>resume</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381940/to-call-up-a-demon-you-must-learn-its-name/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Alternate music video for Piano Man</title> <description><![CDATA[I remember seeing an alternate music video for 'Piano Man' by Billy Joel many years ago that I've never been able to find since (possibly decades ago). It was probably black and white. It is not the original 1973 video that's easily findable on YouTube. The one clear moment I remember is during the line 'I'm sure that I could be a movie star/If I could get out of this place' the bartender turns around and looks at himself in the mirror and it was an older man who looked like Ernest Borgnine. Did this exist?]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381939/Alternate-music-video-for-Piano-Man</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381939</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 17:30:34 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>bq</dc:creator> <category>Billyjoel</category> <category>musicvideo</category> <category>pianoman</category> <category>Resolved</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381939/Alternate-music-video-for-Piano-Man/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Tipping piano mover - mistake</title> <description><![CDATA[I recently had a piano moved and there's an issue with the tip I gave<br/><br/>I know this may seem like a non-issue, but lately the whole concept of tipping has been making me anxious. Like, I don't want to seem like a stingy jerk. I've only recently started making a comfortable salary and I'm not used to being on the other side of the equation.<br><br>I recently had a piano moved and the cost came up to $500. They had to go up a flight of stairs and there were 3 guys there. <br><br>At the end I gave them a cheque for $500, and since I didn't have any cash on me, I also wrote a separate cheque for $100 as a tip. (I was very happy with the service, as they came through at the last minute to help me out, and they were fast and efficient.) I believe that tipping workers that come into your home is a normal practice? <br><br>I think that was a mistake. The company then wrote to me saying they couldn't cash the cheque that was a tip and give the money to their employees and asked me to write a new cheque, written out to the employee that I was tipping. <br>I feel bad about this and I'm going to write a new cheque, but I was just wondering - is this normal that they can't cash a cheque that is a tip (is that because they'll have to pay tax on it?) <br><br>And was I a jerk for writing that cheque out to the company instead of giving cash?<br><br>Thanks in advance]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381938/Tipping-piano-mover-mistake</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381938</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 16:28:44 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>winterportage</dc:creator> <category>tipping</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381938/Tipping-piano-mover-mistake/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>How do I help my mom without pushing her towards her abuser</title> <description><![CDATA[And while also maintaining my own boundaries.CW verbal abuse and eating disorders.<br/><br/>Growing up my stepfather was (I felt) verbally abusive to my mother. He mostly ignored me and my sibling, which was fine with me since I had no interest in being on the receiving end of his scorn. Even so any expression of sincerity or caring, or any enthusiasm about a nerdy interest, was met with scoffs and mocking. It felt like bullying, as though I should be ashamed of being myself or being in any way earnest. If he read this he would laugh, for instance.<br><br>He was never violent although he did once put his fist in my face and threatened my life. My mom was there and didn't defend me. He said things all the time that felt creepy and aggressive -- like making a rape joke about his son's hamsters, to his son.<br><br>His main weapon was belittlement, and his main target was my mom, and he would often add misogyny into the mix, and he taught his son to behave the same way towards my mom. When I was young I didn't say anything because I didn't know better. By the time I was old enough to speak up I didn't because I had learned that he would only laugh at me. I did try to tell my mom that she didn't deserve to be treated like that, but that only ever seemed to make her more unhappy.<br><br>And we were all, everyone in the house, always morose all the time. It was a relief to visit other family's houses because people would be cheerful, which was bizarre but felt so nice. It has taken me a long time to heal, to learn not to be reflexively grumpy and cynical all the time, how to express my needs with confidence rather than in a defensive whine, with the trust that others will actually take them seriously. And I've found a place of happiness for myself and I'm in a loving, supportive relationship.<br><br>My mom visited, with my stepdad, for the first time since the pandemic (we live in different countries). They have not changed, and it feels like things are worse. They argued and insulted each other constantly. The insults were so ugly, from both sides. I tried to find places to take them, things to do that she would enjoy, but nothing cheered her up, every word came out as a whine, everything was a problem. It was a shock after not being around people who behaved like this in years (she's not like this on the phone, unless she's interacting with my stepdad while on the call), and it was deeply triggering. I'm autistic, and I tend to absorb the mood of those around me, and I fought as hard as I could to remember that this is not me and to try to find myself, but I kept shutting down and one time melted down and had to remove myself from the situation. This was all compounded by the fact that the thing we used to be able to bond over -- food and cooking -- was gone because she's fallen into disordered eating. Before every meal I was on google maps desperately trying to find some place where she could eat (did they have a carb option that wasn't wheat, rice, corn, or potatoes? Did they also have options with no nightshades?) but every place I found was a problem, and she let me know it.<br><br>I called her yesterday and she told me she was never going to visit again. That I was horrible. That I didn't try to accomodate her diet. At one point in the trip I had mentioned that I couldn't be around all the arguing, that it was upsetting me and she told me that I "have no idea how bad it is" (I don't, because she won't talk about it except when things like this slip out, which they sometimes do, "he has no emotions", "he never shows compassion", etc.). I told her she was welcome to come stay with us any time she needed and she got angry and shut down. This really confused me. Now she's accusing me of telling her to leave him, which I very specifically never did because I don't feel it's my place. But I honestly feel I should have set a boundary around not bringing him, but it felt wrong to ask that. Now it's all so much worse, anyway.<br><br>I want to write her and spell out exactly the kind of verbal abuse he did to us and to her when we were growing up, and how it's still happening, and how horrible it makes me feel. But I honestly have no clue whatsoever how to deal with this. I just know I don't want to ignore it any more, but I don't want to push her deeper into the abuse. I want to be supportive. But I don't know how since any attempt at support or concern is treated like an attack. I just feel so defeated by this. How do I help her without making this worse?]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381937/How-do-I-help-my-mom-without-pushing-her-towards-her-abuser</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381937</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 16:28:02 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>puppet of sock</dc:creator> <category>abuse</category> <category>domestic</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381937/How-do-I-help-my-mom-without-pushing-her-towards-her-abuser/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Cat and mouse</title> <description><![CDATA[How do you set mouse traps when you have a pet who might stick a paw or nose in one?<br/><br/>We find evidence of mice in drawers and cabinets. Recently had to have a dishwasher pulled out from the wall and it was horrifying to see how much mouse ... activity is going on backstage.<br><br>I've twice had professionals in to plug holes in the house. It's not enough. I live in an area with a lot of urban wildlife and mice are always an ongoing battle, not something anyone solves once and for all.<br><br>Although I realize this is a debate, and even though I wish I didn't have to kill mice, in our case we do use snap traps.Live traps are not feasible in this situation, we do not use glue traps.<br><br>Last night, I found my cat toying with a mouse which escaped from her and vanished. I need more traps.<br><br>Previously I have put mouse traps deep inside cabinets and drawers where I've seen droppings, where the cat can't get to the traps, but they never catch any mice. I've refreshed these traps literally for a year with no luck.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381936/Cat-and-mouse</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381936</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 15:35:02 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>ojocaliente</dc:creator> <category>catmouse</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381936/Cat-and-mouse/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>what is is that the birds and the bees like (besides that)</title> <description><![CDATA[A neighbor puts out huge quantities of birdseed on their fire escape, mostly feeding pigeons and occasional doves. Today I'm watching a steady stream of bees visiting the fire escape and zooming off in the same direction. I don't think bees are interested in millet or sunflower seeds, so I'm curious what might be in a birdseed mix that they think worth collecting.<br/><br/>It's not possible for me to ask the neighbor directly.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381935/what-is-is-that-the-birds-and-the-bees-like-besides-that</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381935</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 15:20:15 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>moonmilk</dc:creator> <category>Bees</category> <category>birdseed</category> <category>HowDoTheyWork</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381935/what-is-is-that-the-birds-and-the-bees-like-besides-that/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Avoiding member of friend group</title> <description><![CDATA[I'm uncomfortable around a guy in a relatively new group of friends, but am not sure how to minimize my discomfort AND any drama. Do I suck it up and hang out with him in the group? Tell the other friends so they understand why I duck out of meet-ups? Keep making plausible excuses whenever it turns out he's going to be in the group?<br/><br/>The guy (Tom, M) and I (F) joined the group around the same time, which centered around board gaming but now has expanded to additional activities, including at each other's homes. Early on I suspected that Tom had a crush on me, but he was generally oblivious to my signals of disinterest: for example, he kept messaging me questions despite my perfunctory answers, and stood very close to me when talking to me and when I stepped away to generate space, would step in closer.<br><br>I started avoiding him even at gaming activities (didn't say hi when I saw him, tried to sit far away from him). To his credit, when I was outright avoiding him, he didn't pursue more contact. However, this was awkward, so I tried just talking to Tom one-on-one over lunch, telling him that I was only interested in a platonic relationship. He seemed to take it okay, but when we walked back from lunch he repeatedly touched/rubbed my arm (at least a half-dozen times, even when I shifted my purse to that arm as a deterrent), and he enthused about what a great person I was and how if he had grown up in another country, he wouldn't have met me.<br><br>The next time we were at a gaming session, I pulled Tom aside afterward and reiterated that I wasn't interested in him, and pointed out that his touching and over-the-top compliments made it seem like he hadn't actually heard me. He said he'd been flustered by my talking so directly about his feelings for me, and he'd reverted to acting without a filter, like he would around family (??). He agreed not to join activities that I hosted, which at the time I thought was a reasonable compromise. (I didn't feel it was fair to ask him to drop out of the group when I was the only one with a problem with him.)<br><br>But I still want to avoid him entirely. My read on this guy is that he does have different standards for touch and personal space than I do and doesn't want to make me uncomfortable. However, I don't want to deal with someone I have to explicitly educate about my levels of comfort (which I don't consider unreasonable -- don't touch a woman who just said she doesn't want to date you, c'mon). When I see that he's joining the group for an activity, my stomach drops and I don't want to join. It's stressful around him because I feel like I can't be my normal friendly self toward him anymore and it takes effort to act just civil enough that the rest of the group won't catch on.<br><br>Weirdly, I do enjoy playing board games with him, probably because there are clear rules and such. But even though we've theoretically cleared the air, I don't want any social contact with him, which is hard now that the friend group is revving up and I'd really like to spend more time with the rest of them -- and they keep inviting both of us.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381934/Avoiding-member-of-friend-group</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381934</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 14:14:45 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>Anonymous</dc:creator> <category>friendgroupdynamics</category> <category>unreciprocatedcrush</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381934/Avoiding-member-of-friend-group/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>How do I work out if this is just a mid-life crisis?</title> <description><![CDATA[It's been a year of various upheavals for me: family health, injury issues, marital strife, and now a bunch of changes in my life which have me questioning my identity in a way that I didn't expect. On top of all of that — and far more importantly — I'm feeling like I've fallen out of love with my wife and, crucially, like falling back in love would take energy that I just don't have anymore. Am I just having a mid-life crisis, which I can dismiss by ploughing on as I always have, or is this something I need to pay more attention to? And how do I tell the difference?<br/><br/>I don't want to bury the lede here: the issue concerning my feelings for my wife is the biggest worry I'm facing at the moment, so I'm going to concentrate on that here. My wife deserves to be with someone who loves her and who wants to be with her and to have a life with her; if I can't provide that anymore I know that I have to make some tough decisions.<br><br>Lest it seem otherwise from the following paragraphs: I highly respect my wife. She's a sweet, caring, smart woman, who cares a great deal about others, and about what she does for a living. She's a great person, and I know that I <i>do</i> love her, even if at the moment I don't know if that love is romantic in nature.<br><br>We've been married for 15 years this year, and as with most couples we've had our ups and downs. When we get on well we're great, and everyone who knows us would tell you that we're a great couple, because that's how we always appear in public. But we've often argued in ways that can end up feeling bitter and unhealthy.<br><br>We're both in individual therapy as well as couples therapy, and I've realised that there's a couple of fundamental differences between us which make life difficult sometimes:<br><ul><li>I'm an optimist and a pragmatist, and generally want to think the best of people. I was brought up to ask for what I wanted.</li><br><li>My wife would describe herself as a pessimist and a cynic. She usually expects the worst of people (if you make a bad impression with her it takes a very long time to get back into her good books) and was brought up to believe that asking for what she wanted was rude, and that she should never ask for things directly</li></ul><br><br>We also have very different attachment styles. I have avoidant tendencies, whereas my wife has an anxious attachment style. Both of these are due to childhood trauma. For me, this comes out as "I must solve all of my problems myself and to do anything else makes me a burden." I struggle to talk to others about my problems, which means when I'm stress I can become reserved and distant.<br><br>My wife's anxious attachment comes out as "People are going to abandon me, and I need to ask them about it at regular intervals to make sure it doesn't come as a surprise."<br><br>Throughout our life together, these characteristics of ours (and many others that I haven't room to write about here) have led to more-or-less the following: when there's a problem, an obstacle, or a hardship, my wife expects the worst result and seemingly gives up, and I am the one who picks us both up off the mat and makes sure we face it together. I'm not the solver-of-all-problems, but I am the one that says "come on, we can do this, it's going to be okay."<br><br>I know that my wife has picked up on the fact that I'm discontent. I've tried to talk about it without saying "and by the way I'm worried about how I feel about you" because then the conversation would become very, very difficult indeed, and I need to be sure about what I feel before I start down into that. I know that she's scared I'm going to leave, and is regularly asking me if we're going to be okay, if I'm planning to leave, and whether I still love her and want to be with her. I don't completely feel like I'm lying when I give her the answers that soothe her, but I also know I'm not telling the whole truth.<br><br>The pressure of everything is such that I've started to find myself having intrusive thoughts, culminating with suicidal ideation. I have no plan, nor desire to actually end my life, but it's obvious to me that all this stuff is really affecting me. I've discussed these thoughts with my therapist and I'm pretty certain that they're entirely a reaction to stress. I just wish I could get them to stop. A couple of times I've been on the verge of calling the Samaritans, just for the sake of having someone to talk to in the middle of a bad time, but it always seems like I'm busy and have too much to do to take the time out, and the thoughts pass sooner or later.<br><br>The thing that brought me here though is that I've just spent 3 weeks out of country, away from home, on my own for work. I have a high-pressure job and there's a lot of responsibility... but not once did I feel stressed, or start thinking about hurting myself. I felt relaxed, I slept well every night, and I practiced self care. Now I'm home, I feel all that pressure again, and it's a contrast that's really opened my eyes to the problem.<br><br>This has gone on too long already so I'll get to the tl;dr of it all:<br><br>How am I supposed to work out what I really feel, what I really want, and what I really need? How do I go forward and talk about this with my wife with kindness and gentleness, respecting her right to know what's going on whilst also not potentially blowing up my entire life for no reason?]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381933/How-do-I-work-out-if-this-is-just-a-mid-life-crisis</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381933</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 14:11:55 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>Anonymous</dc:creator> <category>adulting</category> <category>confusion</category> <category>depression</category> <category>fallingoutoflove</category> <category>intrusivethoughts</category> <category>love</category> <category>maritalstress</category> <category>marriage</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381933/How-do-I-work-out-if-this-is-just-a-mid-life-crisis/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Seeking a good photo-printing service (UK)</title> <description><![CDATA[I've used PhotoBox in the past to collect digital photos into printed books, but the last one I got was poorer quality (pages came loose and fell out after minimal use), and I've just discovered that they've updated (read: ruined) their website and all my old curated photo albums and books have vanished. (The FAQ promises they'll be restored at some point in the future, but it looks like the website change happened two months ago, so I'm not feeling optimistic about that). So: what's a good UK-based service for printing digital photos/making photo books etc? I'm looking for quality and reliability rather than cheapest.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381932/Seeking-a-good-photo-printing-service-UK</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381932</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 11:22:23 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>damsel with a dulcimer</dc:creator> <category>DigitalPhotos</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381932/Seeking-a-good-photo-printing-service-UK/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Sore feet and hands?</title> <description><![CDATA[Every morning after I get out of bed, I hobble around for a while because my feet are sore and tender. It's still present throughout the day, to a lesser degree. I also feel this in my hands, particularly when subjected to a firm handshake or pick up something heavy. Looking for some possibilities to run by my doctor.<br/><br/>I'm 46/m. The soreness in my feet has been going on since my 30's, but in the past two years has grown much worse. It only used to happen if I did a lot of walking the day before, or spent a lot of time barefoot on hard floors. Now it's constant. Indoor slippers and soft-soled shoes help, but don't stop it. <br><br>Doctor Google turns up a few ideas, but my symptoms don't clearly match.<br><ul><br><li>Plantar fasciitis (at least, for the foot problem). My issue is <i>not</i> a sharp pain, nor is it in my heel. It's soreness in the ball of my foot. It feels like walking on a bruise.<br><li>Peripheral neuropathy. But there's no numbness, no tingling, no loss of sensation. I wouldn't call it weakness, either.<br></li></li></ul><br><br>I will bring this to my PCP, but I want to come armed with the right questions to ask. Without that, 100% he'll be dismissive and tell me to take ibuprofen without further diagnosis. I'm largely sedentary; if the prescription is just "be more active", I'm happy to hear that.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381931/Sore-feet-and-hands</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381931</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 06:02:05 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>qxntpqbbbqxl</dc:creator> <category>doctor</category> <category>foot</category> <category>pain</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381931/Sore-feet-and-hands/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Help me set up a survey</title> <description><![CDATA[I have a question about the order of the response choices, and a question about which online platform to use. The survey is not expected to be scientific.<br/><br/>1.All the questions are roughly "Should we do X?" where the X changes with each question. The response choices are "Yes", "No", and "Neutral or unsure". Is there a standard order for those types of choices? Is "Neutral or unsure" OK wording?<br><br>2.Ideally, I'd like to get the total results, plus results by geography. I would like to do minimal work, but I am open to paying a small amount. Ideally I would get the net score (number of "yes" responses minus number of "no" responses), both overall and for each geography, such as a state. People would indicate their geographic area on the survey form before the other questions. Do you recommend any particular online platforms for this?<br><br>In case it matters: The people who fill out the survey will likely get the link through one or more online forums.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381930/Help-me-set-up-a-survey</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381930</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 04:33:40 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>NotLost</dc:creator> <category>pollplatform</category> <category>pollresponseorder</category> <category>surveyplatform</category> <category>surveyresponseorder</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381930/Help-me-set-up-a-survey/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Resistance Band Workouts</title> <description><![CDATA[What are your favorite resistance band workouts, on YouTube or otherwise?<br/><br/>I bought a set of resistance bands because I didn't have room in our house for weights. But now I'm not using them because I don't know where to begin. <br><br>I'm not looking to build a ton of muscle; I just want to build upper body strength a bit and maintain it as I get older. (I'm early forties and male; I've always had very strong legs—caddying will do that—but never been that great about arm and chest lifts.) So in general I'm looking for something on the chill side rather than the CrossFit "lift 'til you puke" side. Yoga With Adrienne is very much my vibe, for example. <br><br>So while I'm generally not a huge YouTube guy, I think some routines from YouTube would help me build the habit. What are your favorite routines, and if there are things you like elsewhere, definitely send those along as well.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381929/Resistance-Band-Workouts</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381929</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 02:43:48 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>thecaddy</dc:creator> <category>Exercise</category> <category>ResistanceBands</category> <category>Routines</category> <category>Strength</category> <category>Workout</category> <category>YouTube</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381929/Resistance-Band-Workouts/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Home carpet protection from chair casters</title> <description><![CDATA[I'd love some recommendations on how to protect carpet from my computer chair casters. I would love some recommendations.<br/><br/>I think I need something 4ish feet by 5ish feet. I know the classic approach is to put down a plastic mat, but I generally hate how that looks and feels.<br><br>I'm currently using a rug that is too small, but it requires resetting almost daily, and bunches up and then tears under the piston. Would a larger rug not do that? Or will I still have the same problems? I mainly want to protect the carpet underneath from the wheels, but having it look ok would be great too.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381928/Home-carpet-protection-from-chair-casters</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381928</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 01:43:00 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>Carillon</dc:creator> <category>carpet</category> <category>caster</category> <category>chair</category> <category>computer</category> <category>wheel</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381928/Home-carpet-protection-from-chair-casters/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Does anyone have experience with dog CT scans in Manhattan?</title> <description><![CDATA[What it says on the tin. I'm considering having some imaging done and would be interested in any stories of personal experience at any (still operating) facility. I understand it's going to require some form of anesthesia and thus is going to be $$$. For that reason in particular, I'd welcome any recommendations/warnings! Thanks.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381927/Does-anyone-have-experience-with-dog-CT-scans-in-Manhattan</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381927</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 01:35:25 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>praemunire</dc:creator> <category>imaging</category> <category>nyc</category> <category>pets</category> <category>radiology</category> <category>veterinarians</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381927/Does-anyone-have-experience-with-dog-CT-scans-in-Manhattan/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>ISO tales of (cover?) letters (or similar!) that worked against all odds</title> <description><![CDATA[Basically what it says in the title .. can you, could you spare a moment to, share stories of inquiries, cover letters, requests for interviews, application essays, etc and their circumstances that somehow worked even though you , or one, might have thought there were only slightly better chances for the applicant, or inquirer, than a snowball would have in hell ?<br/><br/> Doesn't have to be just job applications.. journalists reaching out to leads , etc etc .. it's all good so long as common denominator is you thought you had long odds or you responded to someone who probably thought they had long odds. <br><br>I'm guessing the sorts of things this could turn up might have, you know, an above average amount of heart and sincerity, and what not.. let's see : )]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381926/ISO-tales-of-cover-letters-or-similar-that-worked-against-all-odds</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381926</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 01:21:02 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>elgee</dc:creator> <category>Career</category> <category>etc</category> <category>hope</category> <category>human</category> <category>motion</category> <category>relations</category> <category>resume</category> <category>sparkle</category> <category>writing</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381926/ISO-tales-of-cover-letters-or-similar-that-worked-against-all-odds/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> <item> <title>Urgent question for Western New Yorkers!</title> <description><![CDATA[I'm doing a road trip in <a href="https://ask.metafilter.com/381447/Fun-stuff-to-do-along-a-very-specific-route-in-NY">Western New York</a> and I realized that I'll encounter some toll roads in the next few days, in the area between Ithaca and Niagara Falls. Will I be able to pay cash at those toll stops? Hertz wants me to pay freaking $28 per day (plus tolls) to use their toll transponder. Help!<br/><br/>That's it for the question. I'm happy to wait in a longer cash line at any toll stop. I just am worried it might be a transponder-only situation. I need this info for when I'm going west, and then again for when I'm coming back east. <br><br>Please help me save $28 per day (and also they're cagey about whether they're gonna charge me for the entire length of my rental, not just the days I use the transponder). They're also mega lousy to get ahold of -- completely impossible to reach the local rental office, and the folks at the 800 number speak poor English and are clearly only reading from a script; they cannot deviate or do any research into this for me beyond saying "$27.99 per day." Yikes.]]></description> <link>https://ask.metafilter.com/381925/Urgent-question-for-Western-New-Yorkers</link> <guid isPermaLink="false">tag:ask.metafilter.com,2024:site.381925</guid> <pubDate>Sat, 07 Sep 2024 00:07:24 GMT</pubDate> <dc:creator>BlahLaLa</dc:creator> <category>CarRental</category> <category>Hertz</category> <category>NewYorkState</category> <category>Toll</category> <category>TollTransponder</category> <category>Transponder</category> <category>WesternNewYork</category> <wfw:commentRss>https://ask.metafilter.com/381925/Urgent-question-for-Western-New-Yorkers/rss</wfw:commentRss> </item> </channel></rss> If you would like to create a banner that links to this page (i.e. this validation result), do the following:
Download the "valid RSS" banner.
Upload the image to your own server. (This step is important. Please do not link directly to the image on this server.)
Add this HTML to your page (change the image src attribute if necessary):
If you would like to create a text link instead, here is the URL you can use:
http://www.feedvalidator.org/check.cgi?url=http%3A//ask.metafilter.com/rss.xml
